Sea of Faces
by blueseacowboy
Summary: One man's revenge has life changing consequences for Admiral Nelson.
1. Chapter 1

Sea of Faces

Follows "A Voice from the Shadows", "Forever and a Day" and "Return from Darkness"

*Also posted on Seaviewstories

_This story is going to be a long one but I hope you all hang in there until the end. It took me a long time to decide to finally post this story. Perhaps by the end you will see why. Thanks to my beta for pointing out my errors. As always, I do not own the "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" characters. I just like to hang out with them. Reviews, as always, are welcome._

Chapter one

Harriman Nelson was lost.

Swirling wisps of mist enveloped him, blurring his sight and disorienting him. On the edges of his consciousness he heard voices but couldn't make out the words or to whom the voices belonged. Feelings of sadness, fear and an overwhelming sense of torment filled him suddenly. Why? What had happened to cause such despair to flood through him? He tried to move, to find out where he was and felt angry tendrils of pain shoot through his body and he gasped at its intensity. He thought he heard a moan but wasn't sure. Was that him or was there someone else trapped in whatever place he seemed lost in? He heard a voice then, closer to him, and felt a slight touch as he struggled to ward off the darkness that wrapped about him in icy coils.

Commander Chip Morton launched himself from the chair he had sat in for the better part of three days and gently touched the arm of his commanding officer and friend, Admiral Harriman Nelson.

"Admiral?" he called softly, hope filling him that the man would respond. He tried again but there was no reaction and his heart sank. Maybe he had imagined it. After the long days of waiting, all the long hours not knowing, perhaps he was dreaming. He heard the door to the room that had become his home open and saw Doctor Will Jamieson, deep shadows smudging his face, enter.

"Doc, I…I think he may have just moved," the tall blond said softly as he turned his gaze back to the man lying before him.

Filled with a sudden energy as hope washed away his exhaustion, Jamieson moved across the floor rapidly to Nelson's bedside. Taking his patient's wrist gently, he checked his pulse, then looked to the monitors that showed the admiral's vital signs hadn't changed since the last time he had seen them.

"There's no apparent change, Chip. Are you sure?" he asked softly as he continued to examine the admiral.

"No. I'm not sure. I guess I was dozing. Something woke me up and I thought I saw him move slightly. Maybe I was just imagining it," he said in dejection as he ran a hand over his face.

Morton's tone of voice, the stubble on his usually clean-shaven face and the blue eyes that were reddened from lack of sleep told Jamieson all he needed to know. "You're exhausted, Chip. You haven't left the Med Bay since…well since it happened. Get some rest. God knows you need it."

"We all need it, Doc but I'm not leaving. I...I can't. Not until I know he's going to be all right. Besides, it's where Lee would want me to be," he said so softly, Jamieson had trouble hearing.

Nelson heard the words as if he were in a tunnel, the voices echoing surreally about him. Lee? Something about Lee. What was it? What had happened? Why this overwhelming feeling of despair? He remembered pain, fear, and sensed…death. But whose? Lee? No, no, no...not Lee. Please God… He tried to fight the darkness as pictures, scenes, and voices began to barrel through his mind one after another until he slowly remembered.

"Admiral, your security detail is ready," Lee Crane, captain of the submarine _Seaview_ said almost hesitantly as he entered the office of his commanding officer and friend, Admiral Harriman Nelson. "Here's the list of men who have volunteered."

"Lee, I've told you that is not necessary," Nelson said in exasperation as he took the offered list. "I'm not willing…"

"You're not willing to what, Admiral? Not be sensible? You know the threat. You know the risks of going to this conference with no protection."

"And I know the risks to others! I will not put others in jeopardy again in the name of…"

"Admiral! This is what these men do! It's their chosen work! I can't…I _won't_ let you risk your life for this. They will go with you, they will guard you and you will not at any time be unguarded!"

"Lee…"

"No. Not this time."

"Why is this time different, Lee? Why?"

Crane hesitated not sure what to say. "I just know you need protection," he said as he thought back over the past year.

The admiral, along with Chief Francis Sharkey, had been kidnapped along with scientists from around the world by a group of rebels from the small Asian country of Qualan in the mistaken hope they would be able to break the men into divulging secrets or helping them in developing new weapons. Nelson and Sharkey had been declared dead by the rebels at what were supposed to be peace talks with the government of Qualan. The men of the _Seaview_ had watched in horror as the two had been gunned down by the attacking rebels and had listened later as they had been declared dead by the same rebels. In reality, the pair had survived their wounds and had been taken to a prison camp deep in the jungle of Qualan headed by a sadistic commander named Malek. They had been held captive and tortured for four months until they had been rescued by men from the _Seaview_ as well as agents from ONI. *

"After what happened in Qualan, how can you ask me why this is different? Malek isn't dead. And he's coming back for you," Lee said angrily as he leaned over Nelson's desk. "He said as much."

"_Speculation_ _is_ Malek is alive and coming here."

"ONI, the FBI, the CIA and Interpol all say it's true. He wasn't killed in that…camp you were held in that we got you out of. If he has the backing of the People's Republic as was said last year, then he has all the means he needs to kill you or take you out of this country. I won't let that happen! I won't go through what I…," he broke off what he was saying and turned away, pacing about the ornate office in agitation.

Nelson knew where the other man's thoughts were headed and he frowned. Being told that he had been killed had been devastating for Crane from what his friend Admiral Jiggs Starke had told him. The news had been so hard for Crane to accept that he had given up everything Nelson thought made him Lee Crane: the _Seaview_, the Institute, his friends. He knew how he would have felt if the roles had been reversed and he had been the one mourning Lee's death. The despair he would have felt would have been overwhelming and he tried to appreciate what the younger man felt as he watched him pace.

"I give up, Lee. My shadows and I will leave for the Marine Conservation Research Institute in an hour," he said quietly after a few moments as he watched Crane pace. Sitting back in his chair, he sighed and stared at the names on the list Lee had given him. Where did such sense of duty…sacrifice…come from, he wondered to himself?

"Sir…thank you. I know it's a nuisance but…"

Nelson looked up from the list and gave Lee a slight grin. "It's all right, Lee. You're right. I don't want to go through what I did again with Malek. I know you're just keeping my safety in mind. I just hate…" he finished by merely shaking his head.

"I know, sir. You hate being guarded. You hate risking lives. And I hate risking _your_ life. Is there any way I can convince you not to go to this conference? I know I've asked before but there's still time to back out."

"Lee, I'm not going to stop doing things or going places because of some vague threat from some pretend general of some two bit army. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, then we understand one another," Nelson said looking back down at the list. "Just a minute, Lee. Jeremy Sanders is on this list. I want him taken off."

"Why, sir? He's one of the best we have!"

"He's also about to become a father, Lee! I won't risk his child growing up without a father," he said quietly.

"I already thought of that, sir and talked to him about it. I left him off the first list. He requested to be on this detail…insisted on it actually."

"Insisted? Why?"

"His brother, Lieutenant Jeff Sanders, was with you in that prison camp. He feels he owes you for getting his brother through what you all went through there. According to Jeff, you kept them going. Gave them hope."

"I don't think that's true. Jeff's a Marine. He would have gotten through just fine," Nelson said quietly, trying hard not to remember the camp or those that had died there, and failing.

"Nevertheless, he wants to be on the detail, sir. We'll be ready to leave in an hour," Crane said as Nelson remained silent and stared at the list.

"All right, Lee. An hour," he said quietly as he pushed the memories of the camp and what had happened there away.

Crane nodded to the admiral and walked out the door and met Angie Wood, the admiral's secretary, coming in.

"Admiral, here are the reports you wanted for the conference."

Without looking up, Nelson nodded. "Thanks, Angie. Just put them on the desk. I'll look them over on the way."

"Sir?"

When she said no more, Nelson was forced to look up. "Yes, Angie?"

"Lee…well, Lee was devastated…we were all devastated…when you and Sharkey…well when we thought you were dead. Lee felt he should have been able to do something to help you…to save you. And now…"

"And now, he can and I'm restraining him. Right?" he said with a slight smile. He leaned back in his chair and gazed at his secretary, sighing deeply. "I know, Angie. I just don't like the restrictions or the risk to other people. And yes, I know they're paid to risk their lives. It's just…"

"Just what, sir?"

"Constantly being under guard is difficult for me to accept I suppose. People losing their lives because of…," He stopped what he was about to say, turned to look out the window and shook his head. "Never mind," he said softly.

Angie gazed at her boss, trying to understand his feelings. "I guess it is difficult, sir. But it beats the alternative and its consequences. At least it does to me," she finished softly before heading out the door.

An hour later, Nelson and Crane walked to the limo parked by the Institute entrance. Four motorcycles from the motor pool flanked the limo and Nelson stared at it in dazed silence for a moment, remembering another time, another scenario eerily similar to this one, and he shivered.

"Are you all right, Admiral?' Crane asked in concern, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"What? Oh, yes…yes, I'm fine. It's just…It…it doesn't matter," he finished lamely as he climbed into the spacious limo and sat down, gazing uneasily out the window for a moment, feeling a sense of déjà vu overcome him.

He felt Lee settle himself by him, his eyes on him in worry. "The ride should take about two hours, Admiral. Why don't you relax, get some sleep?"

Turning to look at his companion, he seemed to regroup. "I…I have some reports to look over before we get there, Lee."

The caravan of limo and motorcycles left the Institute and headed down the road towards Long Beach, California where Nelson had been asked to address a symposium of other like-minded scientists concerning the state of the world's oceans and what could be done to mitigate damage, especially to coral reefs.

The group had been traveling for over an hour when the way in front was blocked by a large truck with a broken wheel that spanned the road in front.

A sense of disquiet filled Crane. "Jackson, reverse! Get us out of here! Contact the trailing cars. Tell them we're under attack!"

"Lee, what is it? What trailing cars?" Nelson asked unaware of the blocked road and the added security he knew nothing about.

"There's a truck blocking the lane ahead. I don't like it. We…"

"Sir! The way behind is blocked now, too! We've been cut off from the others!"

Gunfire erupted from behind them, cutting down the motorcycle guards quickly. Nelson stared in horror at the scene. "Not again," he whispered. "Dear God, no…" Before, it had been him and his then captain, John Phillips being attacked. He had survived but John had taken a bullet to the head and died instantly. Now it seemed the fate that had eluded him before had caught up to him only this time, he would take Lee to his death.

The security men in the front of the car got out, firing at the attackers, killing several before inevitably, they were hit. Crane sprang from the back seat, Nelson on his heels. The two men grabbed guns from the fallen security men and began firing.

Hearing a cry, Nelson turned to see Lee grab at his stomach as a bullet found him then watched in horror as he saw him flung backwards as another shot hit him. Blood poured from both wounds and he fell to the ground in a heap. Rage turned Nelson's world red and with a scream of anguish, he fired round after round until he felt bullets tear into him and he fell to the ground as if in slow motion. His eyes open, he stared at Lee's bloody body, his sightless eyes staring at him and vainly stretched a hand out, trying to reach him. "Lee? I'm…I'm sorry, Lee. Forgive me? Please… forgive…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The swirling mist continued to churn about Nelson only this time he understood the despair he felt. Lee was dead. Dear God, Lee was gone and it was his fault. Overcome by the torment he felt at the loss of the man he considered his best friend, he swam to the top of consciousness and screamed, "NO!"

Jamieson and Morton sprang to Nelson's side as they heard the cry tear from the injured man's throat. Jamieson ran a hand over Nelson's forehead in a soothing gesture. "Admiral! Admiral, you have to calm down."

Without opening his eyes, Nelson rolled his head back and forth, his anguish overwhelming him. "No…no…no. Why? Should have…have been…me…why? Why Lee?"

Jamieson heard the despair and recriminations in Nelson's words and knew he remembered. Reaching out, he tried to console the other man but was pushed away. Surprised by the strength in the injured man who had been unconscious for three days, Jamieson tried to keep him still.

"You'll tear out your stitches! Admiral, please calm down! Betty! Get in here!" he yelled.

The door opened and Nurse Betty Harrison ran in. "Sir?"

"Get a sedative! He's tearing his stitches! If he opens those wounds again, we may lose him. Hurry!"

Betty sprang to do what Jamieson ordered, knowing how close the admiral had been, and was, to dying. She was shocked the man had the energy to fight off the doctor.

"Admiral, calm down. You're hurting yourself! Please!"

"No! No…don't care…about…about…me. God, the others…Lee!"

Before Jamieson could respond, Betty had returned with a syringe and handed it to Jamieson who injected Nelson with it quickly, holding his hand to his chest to keep him from moving any more. "Easy, sir. Take it easy. Calm down," he crooned as Nelson fought the drug, then finally gave in and stilled.

When he was sure Nelson was fully under, he turned to Betty. "Help me check his wounds. I'd be surprised if he hasn't torn them all open."

Jamieson continued with his exam. "Damn it. He's torn out the stitches in his side _and_ his leg! I need to suture him back up. Chip if you could leave us for a bit, I'd appreciate it."

"Doc, he's gonna be all right, isn't he?" Chip asked quietly, shocked at Nelson's outburst.

"I'll let you know when I know. Right now, he's losing a lot of blood. Blood he can't afford to lose."

Morton walked to the door and turned back once to see Jamieson and Betty working hurriedly on the admiral's wounds, bright red blood staining the sheets he lay on. Opening the door, he went through, stopping on the other side and leaned against the wall. He slowly sank to the floor, his head in his hands. When was this nightmare going to end?

"Chip?" he heard the quiet, tentative voice and felt someone slide to the floor beside him, a soft hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Angie beside him, concern and fear marring her face and tears clouding her eyes. "The admiral…is…is he…?"

"He came to in a rather violent way, Angie. Started screaming about Lee and the others. He tore out some stitches. Jamie's fixing him back up."

"He knows?"

"I'm not sure what he knows, Angie. I just know he was upset."

She dropped her head onto his shoulder. "Is this ever going to be over? Is anything ever going to be right again?"

Chip wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close as her tears dampened his shirt. Knowing how close she was to the admiral and Lee and the depth of her feelings for them both, he understood the hurt she was feeling because he felt the same pain. And there was nothing he could do except sit here and wait.

After what seemed like hours, Dr. Jamieson walked from the admiral's room and stopped when he saw Angie and Chip sitting on the floor.

"You two could have found chairs. We do have them you know."

"Jamie! How is he?" the pair asked in unison.

"As well as can be expected right now," he answered, knowing they wouldn't like the answer.

"Jamie, that really doesn't say anything," Chip complained, as he rose from the floor and helped Angie to her feet.

"Nevertheless, it's what I've got for you. He's no better than he was and slightly worse. He pulled the stitches out in the wound on his side and also in his leg. The chest wound seems all right luckily. As for internally, we'll have to keep an eye on his blood pressure to make sure there's no internal bleeding."

"What happened?" Angie asked quietly.

"I don't know," Jamieson said as he ran a hand over his face. "One minute he was unconscious as he has been for the past few days and the next he was yelling. Judging by what he was saying…I'm guessing he remembers what happened."

"I can't believe this is happening," Angie said brokenly. "We just got him back from that…that prison camp it seems. And now…"

"I know, Angie. It isn't fair. Nothing about this is fair," Jamie said softly. "By the way, has anyone managed to get in contact with Edith yet?"

"No. She apparently is on some trip. I haven't managed to track her down. She either didn't leave an itinerary or her secretary lost it, but I'll keep trying. I've left messages for her," Angie said quietly.

"We really need to contact her. If he…we…we just need to let her know," Jamieson finished quietly, the other two knowing he was afraid Nelson wasn't going to make it and his sister should be there in case that was really true, even if only to have a chance to say good-bye.

~O~

The next few days went by slowly. Nelson had seemingly slipped into a coma from which he seemed to have no ability or desire to recover from. No response was given to answered questions asked by Jamieson or Chip. No response to soft touches and crooning words from Angie. There was nothing that said Nelson heard or felt.

"Any change, Doc?" Chip Morton asked once again, a few days after the admiral's outburst.

Jamieson straightened up from his examination of Nelson. "No. Same as before. Vital signs have improved but…there's nothing there. No response."

Knowing Jamieson felt the strain of the last week, Chip sighed. "Is there anything we can do to bring him out of it?"

The doctor was quiet for a few minutes as he debated. "The longer he stays comatose, the better his chances of never coming out of it. The blood loss he's experienced may have caused some damage to his brain. I…I don't know." After a moment, he said quietly. "There's only one thing I can think of that might break through to him. Only one thing that may reach him. _If_ he can be reached," he said as he turned tired eyes to Morton's.

"Do you think he's up for it?"

The doctor only shrugged. "We'll see."

~O~

The next day, Chip sat by Nelson's side talking to him as he had for the past week but knew he wasn't being heard. He lowered his head and thought back over the events of the last week: events he would do anything to change. The taking of a person's life was such a simple thing to some people. The taking of so many people's lives…Morton found he could not wrap his mind around the hate that enveloped some people. What possessed people to do heinous acts? What possessed them to kill, maim or cause undue suffering? Morton snorted. Possess…that seemed an appropriate word. Possession by the darkness that seemed to rule the world he lived in. But where did it come from? Did it abide in all of us, waiting, hidden? He thought perhaps it did because he knew if the people responsible for what had happened to the admiral and Lee…and the others…were right in front of him, he would willingly kill them with any means he had available. And that thought scared him greatly. The sound of the door opening brought Morton's head up and he smiled at the people he saw there. "It's about time," he said softly.

"Yeah it is. How is he?" one of the visitors asked, weakly.

"No change," he said, his eyes never leaving the newcomer's face.

"Let's get you closer," Jamieson said.

The sound of wheels on the Med Bay's floor warred with the steady beeping of the machine that monitored Admiral Nelson's heart.

"Wheel me closer, Jamie," the quiet, weak voice said. "I need to touch him, let him know I'm here."

"I want you to take it easy. Don't lean over too much. I don't want to have to patch you up again as I had to him."

"You should have let me come here when I asked you to."

"Well, you're here now. Talk to him."

A pale hand reached out through the railings of the bed Nelson lay in and grabbed hold of the still, soft hand that lay unmoving on the stark white sheets.

"Admiral? Admiral…It's me. It's Lee. Admiral…you have to wake up. If you don't, Malek wins. Please, try. For me. We need you to wake up, sir. We need you."

The men stared hard at the unmoving man in the bed, hoping, praying something would get through, that Lee's voice would bring him back. But the man remained as he had been: silent and lifeless.

Lee lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "It can't end like this, Admiral. You can't let it." He raised his eyes to focus on the man before him, the man that had come to mean so very much to him. "You have to fight. For me. For Edith. For Chip. For Jamie. For Angie. For _Seaview_ and her crew. Please try, sir."

It was as if Lee's words hit a wall and bounced back. They had no apparent effect at all on the man lying before him, seemingly unreachable.

"Jamie, I don't want to leave him. I need to be here. He needs to know I'm here with him," he said as he raised tormented eyes to the Chief Medical Officer who stared back at him with surprise.

"Skipper, you're in no condition to stay here hour after hour. You know that. You've only regained full consciousness yourself a few days ago! What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I can bring him back. If he knows I'm here, he may be able to…"

"No. It's out of the question. You need to be in bed. I only brought you here for a few minutes so he could maybe hear that you're alive. To…"

"Jamie, bring a bed in here. The room's big enough! You could save yourself the trouble of walking between rooms and I could be here with him."

"Your room is right next door. It's not a long walk. And if I were to put another bed in here you wouldn't get any rest. You'd be sitting there doing what you're doing right now, which is tiring yourself out."

"Jamie, I won't tire myself out. Please. I can reach him. I know I can! I have to try! Please! Help me to help him."

Will Jamieson stared hard at the young man before him trying not to give in to the eyes that begged him to listen.

"Damn it. All right. But as soon as you show signs of overdoing it, you're back in a private room. Got it?"

"Yes sir. Behave. Follow your orders. Got it," he said smugly.

He watched Jamie walk off to see about moving another bed into the room, muttering darkly as he walked.

Lee leaned back in his wheelchair and gazed at Nelson. "He has to hear me, Chip. He has to," he said softly. A world without Harriman Nelson in it was one he didn't want to think about living in. It would be too hard to face every day knowing the man he most respected in the world wouldn't be there. He would do everything he could to bring him back.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_Just want to thank everyone for their reviews. I wish I had a way to thank the guest reviewers. Your kind words are appreciated more than you know. Thanks also to my beta!_

The next days passed slowly with no apparent change in Nelson's condition despite Crane's attempts at reaching the man. Hope had begun to fade that the situation was going to change. He breathed, his heart beat, but somewhere inside, they began to fear that Nelson was gone. Lee watched from his bed, or sat by the admiral's side for the few minutes a day he was allowed to sit by the side of the man that had given him so much. Lee was getting stronger but the return of his strength was a minor victory to him: his best friend lay locked in a coma that seemed to be permanent. He could see and feel Jamieson's dejection and knew the Chief Medical Officer was losing hope that Nelson's condition would reverse itself.

But Lee wasn't ready to give up. He knew the man that lay before him would not give up and he tried harder to reach him.

"Any change, Jamie?" Lee asked as he watched the doctor do more tests.

The long sigh and discouraged shake of his head was a knife in Crane's heart and he laid back, his eyes focused on the man in the bed beside him.

"I'll be back," Jamieson said sadly, his voice trembling slightly. The enormity of what had happened and what was not happening to his friend was overwhelming to the doctor. He could not help the man before him and it tore at him. Straightening, he walked to the door and left the room, his posture one of defeat.

Crane watched him leave, then carefully sat up, stood, slung himself into the ever present wheelchair by his bed and wheeled himself to his friend's side. He lowered the bed rail and leaned in close to him, feeling the pull of his stitches as he did so. Slowly reaching out a hand, he stroked the admiral's forehead and whispered to him softly.

"Admiral…you need to wake up. You've been asleep for long enough! This isn't like you. Just lying there letting people worry about you. It's enough. You've got everyone worried to death. Some have given up on you saying that this is all…" his voice broke for a second as he felt the abhorrence of the words. "…that this is all we get. Just your body here, heart beating, lungs breathing but your mind gone. I can't…I _won't_ accept that. You're in there. I know it! Prove it! Show me something!"

Blankness stared back at him and Crane lowered his head until it rested on Nelson's shoulder. He felt the tears well in his eyes as he pondered a life without the Nelson he knew and who; if he was forced to say it…loved.

From some deeply, dark place, Nelson heard the words, heard the anguish and felt the hot tears on his shoulder. Where was he? His head swam as he tried hard to think, to feel. He tried to claw his way back to some place where he could remember or to where he cared, but the fight seemed too hard. What was the point? He felt safe here. He was warm here. And there was no pain here. Yet, something nagged at him. Something made him hesitate. Something tried to draw him out from the darkness and he resisted. He didn't want to go back. Was he a coward? Was he a heartless bastard? Did he care? He didn't think so but he couldn't remember why he didn't care. He didn't remember what he was doing here, wherever here was. Maybe he was dead. What did they call it…? Purgatory? Was that it? He didn't know. The only thing he was sure of was he knew he didn't care about anything. But why? Then it came back to him and he remembered: Lee was dead. He was gone and it was his fault. He felt the icy fingers pulling him back again and he stopped fighting, allowing the darkness to reclaim him.

Lee thought he felt something whether it was a movement or a change in Nelson's breathing and he raised his head, staring hard at the man before him but he remained as he had been: unmoving, unchanged, unreachable. Overcome by the futility of it, Lee felt his anger begin to rise and he began to shout into the face of Nelson.

"Damn you! Damn you! Why couldn't you have just listened to me? Why did you have to go to that meeting? I asked you to reconsider! If you had…God, why? Why?"

Overcome by the emotions he had allowed to spew forth, Lee sank back to his chair and laid his head on Nelson's hand.

From far off, Nelson heard the words, he felt the anguish, and he recognized the voice. Lee? Lee! Was he alive? How? He'd seen him fall, seen the bullets tearing into his body. He'd seen his sightless eyes staring at him in death. Hadn't he? Was there a chance Lee was alive? He had to know and he began to fight against the darkness that enveloped him.

Jamieson had heard the shouts from down the hall and hurried to the room that held the two _Seaview_ officers. Opening the door he stared in consternation as he saw the captain out of bed and leaning on Nelson's bedside. He was just about to chastise him when he saw Nelson's free hand slowly move just a bit then fall back to the bed.

Lee felt the slight movement and raised his head, staring hard at Nelson, praying he'd felt what he thought he had felt. "Admiral? Admiral…wake up. Please," he said as he grabbed hold of the hand he held tighter. He stared hard at the man lying before him; the man that he was certain had moved for the first time in several days and begged him to open his eyes.

Slowly, Nelson's eyes opened to tiny slits and he stared incredulously at the face that was now hovering over him: the face of the friend he was sure had died. Jamieson walked forward hesitantly, hoping Lee wasn't pulling any stitches but afraid to stop what he was seeing.

"Admiral?" Lee called quietly, placing a soft hand on the man's forehead. "Are you there?" He saw him blink a few times and his mouth moved but nothing came out. Then he heard the sweetest sound he had heard in a long, long time.

"L…Lee? Are you…real?" he asked brokenly, staring at him in disbelief.

Unable to speak for a moment, he could only nod. "I…I'm as real as can be."

"You…we…didn't die?"

"No. No, we didn't die," he said as the emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"I…I'm glad. I…I thought…thought… you…you…" As Nelson's voice faded, his eyes slid closed and Jamieson came to stand behind the captain who looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

"He came back, Jamie. He…he came back to us," he whispered.

"I see," he said softly, his voice breaking slightly. "I also see you need to be back in bed."

"No! No, let me…"

"Back to bed. Let me check him out. You can watch from way over there in your own bed," he said as he pulled the captain gently back in the chair, pried his fingers from Nelson's hand, rolled him back to his own bed and got him situated comfortably.

~O~

Over the next few days, Nelson showed steady progress, calming the fears of those who still hovered at his bedside. His periods of consciousness were increasing and he had yet to voice any protests at his being held "prisoner" at his own Institute as he had in the past. Cognitively, he appeared to have come through the ordeal intact which was a great relief to those that cared about him.

Most of the long hours of each day Nelson spent asleep**. **He was drifting one day, half asleep, when he felt a gentle touch on his arm and heard a dearly familiar voice whisper his name. Forcing his eyes to open, he smiled as he saw the beautiful face of his little sister staring at him, her demeanor changing almost instantly from one of anguish to one of relief as his eyes focused on hers.

"Edie?" he whispered.

"Who else, big brother?" she said, one hand gently stroking his forehead while the other clasped one of his tightly.

"What…what are you doing here? I…didn't want you called," he said as he struggled to form each word.

"Why would you not want me told? You're my brother. This is where I belong."

"Your…trip. Your plans…"

"Do you really think I would rather be anywhere but here by your side?" she asked as she watched her brother fight to stay awake.

Nelson could only stare at his sister, trying hard not to see the tears that threatened to fall from her red-rimmed eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered weakly.

"For what?"

"In…interrupting your plans. Worrying you."

"Don't you know my plans mean nothing to me? You're what matters to me, not some stupid trip. I'm just sorry it took so long to track me down. I don't know what happened to the itinerary I left with my secretary," she said, her voice breaking slightly as she stroked his forehead gently. "Then the weather was horrible and I couldn't get a flight. I should have been here with you. I should have…"

"Don't, Edie. I…I'm glad you're here," he said, squeezing her hand as firmly as he could, his voice beginning to weaken. "I…I'm…"

"Hush. You just go back to sleep," she said as she continued to caress his forehead in a soothing gesture, smiling ruefully as she watched his eyes flicker as he struggled to stay awake. "Sleep. Just sleep. I'm here now."

A soft sigh escaped her brother's lips just before he gave in to the exhaustion that washed over him at the few words he'd spoken. As she watched her brother's eyes slide closed, her face crumbled and she gave in to the sadness, worry and fear that had enveloped her ever since she'd first heard of what had happened to her big brother, letting her tears fall from her eyes to the bed she leaned over.

"He'll be all right, Edith."

She heard the soft words and looked up to see Will Jamieson standing at the foot of her brother's bed, compassion in his eyes.

"Will he?" she asked, wiping almost angrily at the tears that spilled from her eyes.

"Yes. He's through the worst of it."

"Through the worst of the physical," she whispered, knowing her brother would mourn those that had died.

"Yes…through the physical," he agreed. "And in time through the rest. Now, I know you've had a long journey to get here. You should rest."

"I'll rest here. By his side," she said with a slightly defiant look. "I'm not leaving him."

Jamieson sighed and shook his head. "Are all Nelsons as stubborn as you and your brother?"

"I believe so," she said as she contemplated the question. "It's in the genes."

"All right. Stay but please don't tire yourself out. One Nelson as a patient is all I can handle."

"Watching my brother sleep is hardly tiring. Where's Lee by the way?' she asked nodding to her brother's roommate's empty bed.

"Some of the crew came to visit. They didn't want to wake your brother so they went to the solarium down the hall."

"How is Lee?"

"The captain is doing well. They both are. They'll both recover. In time. Now, I have to go check on some things. Make sure he behaves if he wakes up."

"I will, Jamie. And thank you for saving my brother's life. Again."

Jamie stared at the young woman that held tightly to the hand of his friend and commanding officer. "It's…it's my…my job. I'll be back."

Nodding, she watched as the tall doctor strode quickly from the room then back to her brother. "Make sure you behave he said. As if I could," she said with a little laugh.

~O~

Edith spent as much time at her brother's side as she could, or as much time as he would allow her to spend with him, over the next few days. Once he was staying awake for longer periods of time, he begged her to go home or back to the extended vacation she had been on. But feeling her place was with him as he recuperated, she rebuffed his requests and either sat by his side or helped Angie and the others in running her brother's vast institute. Her relief at his recovery warred with her sadness that she hadn't been there for him when he had first been hurt.

Crane's strength continued to increase every day and had become increasingly mobile. He was well on his way to being set free from the Med Bay to return to his own home.

"Well, you're getting better every day," Will Jamieson said to Crane in satisfaction as he walked down the hall pushing his patient in a wheelchair, steering him into the room he still shared with his commanding officer and friend.

"I'm sure feeling better," he said as he maneuvered himself back into his bed, turning to look at his roommate who watched him closely, something indefinable in his piercing blue eyes.

"Admiral, how are you feeling today?" Crane asked quietly.

A familiar crooked smile graced his lips as he watched his young friend. "I'm just fine, Lee. I'm…I'm just glad you're ali…better," he said softly.

Lee gazed at his boss, hearing the abrupt change in his words and frowned. No one as yet had answered Nelson's repeated questions of what had happened. He was sure the man remembered some, if not all that had occurred, but no one wanted to tell him the full scope of what had taken place, knowing he would blame himself for the events. There was time enough for that when he was stronger.

He knew the admiral had nightmares about what had happened on the road to Long Beach. Hearing his soft cries every night tore at Crane as he was helpless to make them stop. The only thing he could do was creep quietly to his bedside and try to calm him down enough to go back to sleep, hoping he never really woke up enough to know that Lee heard him or that it broke his heart to hear the anguish Nelson felt.

"Well, I think I'm going to take a long lunch break since my two worst…I mean favorite…patients are doing so well," Jamieson said with a laugh as he headed for the door.

"Any chance you could bring some real food back with you?" Lee asked with a laugh.

"We serve real food here. Good food that your bodies need. Not whatever it is you two usually eat," he said waggling a finger in their direction. "Both of you sleep while I'm gone."

Crane lay back on his pillow and sighed heavily.

"Tired, Lee?' Nelson asked quietly.

"A little. Not really ready for a nap though."

"Good. I want to ask you something and I want an answer this time," Nelson said, his voice still weak but stronger than it had been.

Knowing what was coming, Crane tried to deter the man. "Admiral, I don't want to talk about it. Please," he said, closing his eyes to the memories.

"Lee, look at me." When Crane reluctantly turned his eyes to Nelson he continued. "I need to know. I have a right to know. I see things in my dreams. I need to know what's real and what's not. In my dreams, I see you die but you're here, alive. I have a slim hope that what I remember is wrong. Help me."

"I don't think I should do that right now, Admiral. When Jamie comes back we can…"

"No! I don't want to wait until Jamie gets back and brings a nice little sedative for me! I'm tired of being treated with kid gloves. I have a right to know and I want to know. Now!"

Realizing how much the truth meant to Nelson and how agitated he was becoming, Crane acquiesced. "All right. Calm down. Please. What do you remember?"

"I remember leaving the Institute, the cars, motorcycles—I remember a truck blocking the road in front and then one behind. I remember the shooting begin, people falling. Then…then I remember seeing you fall," he said in a quiet, pain-filled voice. He closed his eyes to the visions he saw. "Your eyes were open, staring at me and I knew you were dead. And I knew it was my fault. You were dead and…"

At some point, Lee had gotten out of bed and had come to stand by Nelson's bedside, his hand on his forehead. "Admiral! Look at me! I'm here. It's OK. I'm OK."

"No Lee it isn't OK. Look at you. I know how badly you were hurt. I know…"

"It's in the past. I'll be fine. Please don't blame yourself," he said softly as he continued to stroke the admiral's forehead, surprised the man allowed the touch.

In a voice that was quiet and tormented, he asked, "How many?"

"I don't…how many? How many what?" Lee asked in confusion.

"How many died, Lee. How many?" he asked looking up into his friend's eyes. "Tell me. Please."

Nelson's eyes had always been compelling, intense, forceful. They were that way now only more so. He didn't want to tell him the truth. He didn't want to be the one that broke his heart but he knew the news was better off coming from him. He looked down for a moment then stared him straight in the eye. "Eight," he said in a quiet, miserable voice.

The news that eight men had lost their lives because of him filled Nelson with a terrible sense of guilt and horror and he closed his eyes tightly as if to keep the visions he had at bay. Because of his refusal to take Malek's threats seriously, eight people no longer walked this earth. Eight families mourned. The guilt washed over Admiral Harriman Nelson like a tidal wave, overwhelming him. So many lives destroyed, not only in this latest fiasco, but on board ships, in the field as an agent for his country.

"Who?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"Admiral, it's over. I…"

"Who?" he almost yelled.

Crane lowered his head and whispered the names he knew by heart. "Tolliver, Masters, Freeman, Ruiz, Wendell, McHugh, Fernandez and…Sanders," he finished, knowing the last name would stab like a knife.

He felt Nelson shudder and looked down into the man's face. His eyes, tormented. "My God." He shook his head and closed his eyes, turning away from Crane. "So many lives. All because of me."

"No! Not because of you, sir. Because of one man's vendetta. One man's…"

"You tried to make me listen. Didn't you?" Turning his eyes back to Crane, he gave a mirthless bark of laughter "But I wouldn't listen, would I?" he asked staring Crane in the face, knowing the answer and knowing his friend would try to deny him the weight of guilt Nelson knew he deserved.

"Don't do this, sir. Don't let Malek tear you apart. He wins then. It wasn't…"

"I'm suddenly very tired, Lee," Nelson said softly, a slight tremble to his voice as he turned onto his good side and faced away from his young friend. "Think now is a good time to take a nap."

Crane stared at his friend's back for a few minutes, Nelson's torment tearing a hole through him. He knew there was nothing he could say to help but he searched his mind for something. Anything. Finally he went back to his bed and lay down on his side, his eyes never leaving Nelson, who despite claims of tiredness, remained awake as evinced by his breathing.

~O~

The next day, Nelson woke to find his secretary Angie Wood sitting on the chair by his side studiously reading what looked to Nelson to be reports. At a look of confusion on her face, he smiled as he knew his illegible writing was likely the cause.

"Something wrong, Angie?" he asked softly, smiling as she jumped.

"Oh, Admiral! You're awake!" she said as she hurriedly hid the files from him. "Every time I come to see you, you're asleep. I know it's what you need, but it is so good to see you awake!"

"It's good to see you, too, Angie. How are you?"

"Me? I'm fine! I'm not the one with three bullet…" A hand to her mouth, she stopped what she was saying, and dropped eyes that shimmered in tears to the floor. "I'm sorry, sir."

"For what?" he asked with a touch of a smile to his voice. "Stating the obvious?"

When her gaze remained on the floor, he reached a hand out to hers lying on the bed and lightly touched it. "It's all right, Angie. I'm all right. Or I will be when I can get out of here," he said as he tried to sit up more in the bed, trying unsuccessfully to ignore the stab of pain his movement caused.

"Can I help you, Admiral?" Angie asked as she rose quickly to her feet and hovered over him.

"No, no…I just moved wrong," he gasped as he laid his head back against the pillows. "Now why don't you tell me what was so confusing in the file you were reading."

"File? What file," she asked, knowing Nelson was supposed to rest and not be reading reports. Or explaining what the devil it was that the he had scribbled.

"The file you were reading with a confused look on your face? The one you hid under your jacket there?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just reading a very exciting story. That's all," she said with a smile as she began to fuss with Nelson's covers, straightening them and pulling them up over her boss's chest.

He grabbed a hand gently in his. "Angie, I'm not a total invalid. Let me see it and I can tell you what my scribbles mean. Wouldn't that be easier than trying to guess?"

"I…I'm not supposed to do that."

"I imagine not but do you know how bored out of my mind I am? I don't think my reading one report is going to set my recovery back."

Angie glared at her boss. "You're going to get me in trouble and then Jamie won't let me visit you any more. Do you want that? I don't. For some reason I miss having you around although for the life of me I don't know why I…"

"Angie? The file?"

He could see her debating the pros and cons of giving in, then being the good secretary she was, complied and gave it to him, pointing out what she could not decipher.

"Right here," she said. "I'm not sure what this means."

Nelson read over the report quickly and ascertained what the problem was, correcting it quickly and handing it back. "There, does that make more sense?" he asked.

Angie read over his corrections, her face brightening as she understood what he had written. "Yes, yes it does! I can finally finish this up and get it sent out. Thank you, sir."

"Angie, are you all right?" he asked in concern. "You look tired. You're not keeping my work hours are you?"

"Hardly, Admiral. No one can keep up your hours and still function. The only person that I know can do that is…well, you," she said as she looked fondly at her boss. Admiral Nelson had hired her at the beginning of his building of the Institute. She'd been there through all the arguments and meetings with people that just didn't understand what it was he wanted to do. She knew what made Admiral Nelson, Admiral Nelson and she not only respected him but loved him as a very dear friend. She knew he would do anything for her and she ached to be able to help him. Working long hours and keeping up with all the Institute involved was a small price to pay for all that he had given her.

"How are things?" he asked, laying his head back against the pillows and gazing at her speculatively, noting again the dark circles under her eyes he would be a fool to mention.

"Things are just fine. Edith has been a huge help and so has Chip. Besides, even if they weren't all right, I know a few people that would skin me alive if I told you."

"That's quite true, Miss Wood," came a voice from the doorway. "What the admiral needs is…"

"Rest and lots of it coupled with nasty tasting food," boomed Nelson with a look of sourness on his face. "I was just asking, Will."

"I know, Admiral. I heard. And the food here isn't "nasty tasting". It's healthy food. Something you should eat more of."

"You aren't eating? He isn't eating?" she turned her head from her boss who was still glowering at Jamieson, to the doctor.

"No, he's not eating as well as I would like. But that's going to change or he stays here for longer than I already have him planned to stay."

"Well, my lack of eating could be fixed by sending a nice thick steak up with a baked potato with all the trimmings," he said grumpily before turning hopeful eyes to his secretary.

"Oh no you don't! Don't pull me into this or look at me with those sad eyes of yours! You may be my employer and my friend but I am not going to stand in the way of your recovery. What Jamie says, goes," she said firmly, ignoring the hurt look Nelson gave her.

"All right," he said in capitulation. "Let's change the subject matter. Where might my young roommate be? Off chasing the nurses?"

"No. Not at the moment. Right now he's down in therapy."

"Therapy? For what? Is he all right?" Nelson asked in concern

"He's doing well. He just needs to get his strength back, same as you. You'll be down there soon, don't worry."

"Is he really all right?"

"Yes. He's getting better same as you are and the same as all the…"

Nelson's gaze shot up. "All the others, Will? Just how many others are here because of me?" he asked in self-loathing.

"Harry…"

"No, Will. You keep telling me I don't need to know but what you don't realize is it is _killing_ me to not know! I know how many died. I got that much finally from Lee. How many others were hurt?"

"I'm not going to discuss this. I want you to rest now. You've barely been conscious a week! It can wait. Knowing isn't going to make it easier for any of us"

Nelson lay back against the pillows and closed his eyes against the recriminations he felt flow through him. "Have it your way, Doctor. But sometime you're going to answer me," he said opening his eyes and trying to fix him with his most forceful stare, feeling his failure as a wave of exhaustion washed over him.

"Yes, sir but not now. I want you to rest. I can see you're fighting to stay awake as it is."

"I'll come by again tomorrow, Admiral," Angie said quietly as she grasped one of his hands in hers tightly. "You behave."

"Yes, Miss Wood. Behave. Eat the nasty food. Then I get out of here. Got it. Don't stay late tonight. I don't want a sleepy secretary…answering…my…"

Angie smiled sadly as she watched Nelson slip into a hopefully restful sleep, then turned her eyes to Jamie's who gestured for her to follow him out the door.

"He's so tired all the time, Jamie," she said, worry in her voice.

"He's been through a lot, Angie. His injuries were extensive. He shouldn't even be alive but he's too stubborn to know that."

"Well, I'm glad he is. I don't know what I would do it he weren't…" she broke off as tears threatened to fall. Jamieson drew her close and she rested her head on his chest, fighting to keep the tears at bay. It had been hard on all of them as they waited to see if Admiral Nelson and Captain Crane would recover.

"What he needs is sleep. Not reports," he said sternly.

"I didn't mean to let him see me reading it! I was just waiting to see if he would wake up. And he caught me looking puzzled about something he had written. It won't happen again."

Jamieson pushed her away slightly and stared at her with a slight smile. "I know, Angie. I don't mean to sound severe, I just don't want to risk his health. He's dealing with a lot right now, only part of which is his pain and physical recovery."

"What else?" she asked worried.

A long sigh escaped Jamieson's lips. "It seems Captain Crane informed the admiral of the scope of Malek's attack. He knows how many died and he's overwhelmed with guilt, although he _was_ putting up a pretty good pretense in there in front of you."

Angie glanced back at the admiral's door. "He has to know it wasn't his fault. Doesn't he?" she asked turning back to the doctor.

"No. Lee says he feels they died because of him therefore, it was his fault. The news of young Sanders hit him particularly hard."

Tears filled Angie's eyes and she wiped angrily at them. "I wish there were something I could do. I hate to see him blame himself."

"Harry's strong, Angie. You know that. You've been with him for a long time. He'll be fine. He just needs time to see that he's not the one responsible for what happened. It just may take him some time."

"I hope so, Jamie. I really do. I just have this feeling things are never going to be the same and I don't know why. I just care about him so much. It kills me to think of him being in pain. Of any kind," she finished looking up at Jamieson who nodded his understanding.

"I know. I'm worried about that, too," he finished turning his eyes to the closed door, worry and concern for the man on the other side filling him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The days passed slowly for Nelson as he tried to regain his strength. People came and went from his room: some visitors, some colleagues, some nurses intent on stretching his patience. Edith spent more hours by his side than he would have liked. Although he enjoyed her company, he knew his health had put a stop to the vacation she had been on: a vacation she had planned for, for a year and he hated the fact she'd hurried to his side.

Although he hated being cooped up in his room for long periods of time, he did enjoy spending time with his roommate and actually talking to him, something he sometimes found hard to find the time for. He even talked his captain into playing chess with him, a pastime Lee avoided if possible. Nelson knew Lee was humoring him when he agreed and was surprised he acquiesced. The captain was even surprised himself that he enjoyed it, learning the nuances of the game from someone he considered a master, and was even more surprised when he actually won a game, something that delighted Nelson to no end.

"So I hear you'll be going home soon," Nelson said as he placed his pieces on the board and waited for Lee to place his.

"That's what I hear," Lee said softly, not sure how he felt about leaving Nelson behind. "It'll be a few more weeks until Jamie lets me off light duty though."

"Don't rush it, Lee. Take your time. You don't want back here any time soon," Nelson said quietly causing his friend to look up at him in concern.

"Just a statement of fact, Lee. Nothing sinister in the words," he said feeling Lee's concerned eyes on him.

A few moves had been made by both players when Nelson asked quietly, "You know I'm not sure I ever heard what happened in the attack. I mean, I know people…died and were hurt but why are we still here?" he asked looking Lee in the eye.

Lee leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "I don't know. They took some heavy losses in the barrage. I remember seeing a lot of them fall. My understanding I guess was they weren't hired to die and they took off when the losses became significant. I guess Malek didn't hire the best or the bravest."

"No, perhaps not. But I do," Nelson said quietly. "Check mate, Lee," he said with a slight smile.

"What? How? Crane asked staring at the board and shaking his head. "I…I am never going to be as good as you at this game, sir."

"Just takes practice. That's all."

Lee looked up at Nelson in admiration for a moment and smiled, then placed his pieces back on the board; ready for another game that he hoped wasn't as short as the last.

~O~

The day finally came a few days later when Lee was dressed in civvies and sitting in a wheelchair by Nelson's bed. "I'll be back to see you tomorrow, Admiral. Don't take your frustration out on the nurses, OK?"

"No need to visit, Lee. Stay home and relax! Enjoy being out of here."

"We'll see. You'll be out of here soon, too," he answered, knowing how much Nelson wanted out of the hospital bed he had been in for too long.

"Hopefully, very soon. I have a lot to do," he said in a tone that caused Crane to look at his boss in thought.

"Anything I should know about? Or help with?"

Nelson laughed quietly. "No! Not at all! Just…things."

Crane stared hard at Nelson, not sure what it was about what he had said that caused a warning bell in his head to go off. Before he could examine it more closely, the door opened and Jamieson walked through.

"Well, how is my favorite patient today?"

Both looked up and answered in unison, "Fine, Jamie."

"Ha! Well, Captain, are you ready to get out of here?"

"Yes I am. Let's go."

He turned back to Nelson who regarded him with a small smile. "Admiral…"

"Go Lee," he said with a shooing motion. "I've been told I'm a big boy and quite capable of being all alone in a hospital room. Besides, Edith should be by soon. Go and eat a big juicy steak for me."

"That's a deal! But I _will_ come back tomorrow. I'll let you beat me at chess again," he said with a big smile.

"I'll be here," Nelson said softly, smiling as he watched Jamieson wheel Crane out the door. He leaned his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes as he contemplated the future. He had a lot of plans he needed to make and he knew his young friend was not going to like them.

It wasn't long after Lee had left before Jamieson was back in his room and pulling a chair up to his bedside.

Fixing him with a stare, Nelson asked, "Something wrong, Jamie?"

"Not with me but I was wondering if you wanted to talk about anything?"

Shrugging casually, Nelson shook his head. "Can't think of a thing. Well, that's not entirely true," he said with a small frown.

"Oh? Go ahead and lay it on me, Admiral."

"When can I have Angie bring me some work to do? She and the others are tiring themselves out, Jamie. Every time I see her she looks exhausted. There are plenty of things I could be helping her with…"

"Harry…"

"…that won't tire me out," he said interrupting the good doctor's objections.

Jamieson sat back in his chair and sighed deeply. He knew Nelson was bored beyond tears but the thought of him pushing himself to the limits he always seemed to live on wasn't something he wanted the man to do right now. Glaring at Nelson who glared right back, Jamieson finally nodded. "All right. I'll ask Angie to bring some light work for you to do. But..." he said pointing a finger at him. "If I find it's too much or you push your recovery back at all in any way, shape or form…you'll be back on bed rest solely. Got it?"

Nelson leaned his head back against the pillows with a small innocent smile. "Of course, Jamie. When have I ever disobeyed one of your edicts?' he asked with a one-sided smile.

Jamieson stared back at him openmouthed. "When…when have you ever _listened_ to me? Ever! I swear…you push me…," Nelson's hearty laugh stopped Jamieson's tirade. Shaking his head, he got up and headed for the door. "Light work, Admiral. Light. As in not hard."

As the doctor started to leave, Nelson's voice stopped him and he turned back. "Jamie? Thank you. For everything," he said with a look of gratitude, contrition and acceptance on his face.

"You're welcome, Admiral. It's what I'm here for you know," he said with a smile. "Now, I'll go have a little talk with Angie. Tomorrow I'll let her bring you something to keep that mind of yours from moldering. Tomorrow. Today, you sleep."

Smiling, Nelson closed his eyes and drifted into a somewhat peaceful, deep sleep.

~O~

A few hours later, Nelson awoke to the feel of someone in the room with him. Opening his eyes, he saw his old friend Admiral Jiggs Starke sitting by his bed, staring at him intently.

"Something I can do for you, Jiggs?" Nelson asked with a touch of sleep in his voice.

"Darn right there's something you can do for me, Harriman. And that's stop getting yourself in these blasted situations. Getting shot, beaten up, stabbed…at our age we should be sitting on a porch sipping…margaritas or something," he said brusquely.

"Yes, well I don't believe it was my idea to have bullets shot at me, Jiggs. It's not my idea of a fun time. Especially since I wasn't the only one they were shooting at," he finished quietly.

Jiggs studied his long time friend for a bit, noticing Nelson's eyes never really reached his own and he sighed. "Harriman, we've known each other for a lot of years, done a lot of foolish things and pretty much have gone through life by the skin of our teeth. I've sat by your bedside more times than I can count starting back to our Academy days when you fell in the river in the middle of January and almost died of pneumonia. But…something feels different. You've lost something this time, haven't you?"

Nelson's gaze flew up to meet his old friend's eyes. "I don't know what you mean. I haven't _lost_ anything," he said lowering his gaze from Jiggs'. "Except a few good men."

Startled, Starke glanced down into Nelson's face, unsure if he had heard correctly. "That's what's the matter isn't it, Harriman? You lost a lot in this attack."

Closing his eyes to the scenes that played out in his head, Nelson nodded. "I lost eight men, Jiggs. Eight! And I almost lost Lee. In fact, I thought I had. I knew he was gone. I saw it in his eyes, that look a man gets when…look I don't really want to talk about this."

Jiggs leaned forward and grasped Nelson's arm tightly and shook it until he looked up. "You can't let it get to you. You know that. You know what happens when you start feeling sorry for yourself, when you start feeling responsible for other people's actions. We chose this life. We chose to be at the front so to speak and yes, people around us are going to die. It's the nature of the beast, the nature of what we've chosen to do. You can't let it take you down or you will be no use to anyone. Is that what you want, old friend?"

"What I want doesn't really make any difference, Jiggs. I'm just tired of people putting themselves in front of me to save my life. For what? So I can watch their families suffer? I'm just…tired of it."

"Then what's the alternative? Give up? Hide? That doesn't sound like the Harriman Nelson I know."

"Maybe he doesn't exist any longer. I don't know," Nelson said quietly. "Maybe he died in that attack."

Silence reigned in the room for a time until Nelson looked up questioningly at Starke. "Just what the devil are you doing here anyway? I thought you had meetings or some such going on."

"Old news, my friend. You've been here awhile—three weeks. I caught the first plane west from Washington that I could. I just wish it could have been sooner."

"I appreciate it, Jiggs. You know that, don't you?"

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. You know that. I owe you. You pulled me through that fiasco in Manila and out of the drink in the South China Sea. I'll never be able to repay…"

"You paid me back many times over, Jiggs."

"I appreciate that but the debt remains unpaid in my mind. Is there anything that I can do for you while I'm here?"

"Yes, actually, you can answer a question for me. Where's Malek now?"

Starke closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He knew his friend would ask and he had contacted every agency he could think of and had come up empty. "I honestly don't know. I sent out feelers and inquiries to every agency I could think of. He's disappeared. Last we heard of him, he was in Bahkan. Might be in the People's Republic by now. Or here. It's obvious the ambush was his doing but we don't know if he was actually here or if he just hired the people to do his dirty work. Or if our friends from TPR hired them. No one that was captured from the ambush is talking."

"So there were some that survived and weren't carried off?"

"Yes, a few. Most of the injured were shot by their comrades before they took off. Your people saw that." Starke was quiet for a moment then looked Harry in the eye. "I'm not going to rest until I find him. You can count on that. Next time, we take him down."

Nelson smiled at his long time friend. "Thanks, Jiggs. I'm glad to know I have friends I can count on. For anything," he said, with an intent look. "Why don't we find something more enjoyable to talk about? How's that lovely wife of yours? And Becky and David?"

Starke laughed heartily. "You do know how to change the subject, don't you? Well, my Becky and her David have made me a grandpa again. Here…let me show you the latest pictures," he said happily as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and proceeded to show Nelson his newest grandchild.

~O~

The next day dawned bright and clear, the sun streaming through the Med Bay window and waking Nelson from a not so peaceful sleep. He had no sooner decided it was a good time to try to go back to sleep than the door opened and Jamieson entered pushing a wheelchair in front of him.

"Admiral. Glad to see you're awake! How about a little stroll down to the sunroom for some breakfast. I thought you might want to get out of here for a bit."

"Sounds exciting, Jamie," Nelson said drolly.

"Ah, be nice or I won't let Angie anywhere near you with the work I told her she could bring you."

"Yes, Jamie. I'll be nice," he said with a false meekness as he allowed Jamieson to assist him in getting in the chair.

"You're doing better, Harry. You didn't need as much help getting in the chair!"

"True. When do you think I might actually be able to walk on my own?"

"Soon. Let's not rush things. I want that wound in your leg to heal a bit more," he said as he wheeled the admiral out the door and down the hallway to the brightly lit sunroom. He pushed Nelson over to the doors that opened out to a veranda that overlooked the surface sub pen. Going through the doors, Harry held his breath at his first sight in a long time of his _Seaview_. A smile graced his lips as he watched her bob in the current and longed to be aboard her.

"Soon, Harry. Soon you'll be back aboard her," Jamieson said softly with a soft touch on his shoulder.

"Not soon enough, Jamie."

"Ah, Betty! Right on time," Jamie said as an older nurse in surgical scrubs brought a tray over to the table the men sat at.

"Admiral Nelson, it's good to see you out of that room," she said brightly as she arranged breakfast on the table before them.

"Thank you, Betty but I didn't know your duties included bringing breakfast trays to the inmates.

"Oh Admiral Nelson, it's not really in my job description but because it's for you, I will gladly do it," she said with a smile and a gentle touch. "Just make sure you eat that. I am not carrying it back to the kitchen."

Harry laughed quietly as she walked away.

Lifting the cover off the plate, Nelson looked at it suspiciously. "This looks like honest to goodness food, Jamie. What's the deal?"

"The "deal" Admiral is I want you to eat. So, I had them prepare a healthy, but acceptable…to you at least…breakfast. So eat up. You heard what Betty said."

The two friends ate quietly for a time, Jamieson noticing Nelson pushing his food around the plate more than eating it but was pleased a few bites disappeared.

"So when do you think I might walk all the way down here by myself, Doctor?" Nelson asked when he made it plain he was done with breakfast.

"Soon, Harry. Baby steps. All right? We may try the whole walking on your own thing soon. Let's see how you feel."

"And then? What's next?"

"Therapy. And before you start yelling at me, you've been bedridden for over three weeks. Your legs are weak. You saw that by the little you did getting out of bed today."

Nelson looked like he wanted to argue but knew Jamie was right. He needed to get his strength back. "And what about Angie? Did you talk to her?"

"Yes. She will be by in about an hour with some work. Light work. Don't argue. Now, why don't we get you back to your room so you can freshen up before your lovely assistant gets here, huh?"

An hour later Nelson, established in a chair by the window, smiled as he saw his secretary enter and looked surprised, and a bit worried, when she saw the empty bed.

"Over here, Angie," he said laughing. "I've been set free. For a bit anyway."

"Oh, it's so good to see you up, sir," she said happily. "I brought by a few things Jamie said you could look over. But no overdoing it," she said severely and with a pointed finger. "I need you around to do those budget reviews in a few months."

"I'll…be careful, Angie. Now, what have we got?" he asked with a touch of excitement. It had been too long since he had felt any enthusiasm and it felt good.

An hour and a half later, Angie took the documents Nelson had been perusing, put them in her briefcase and closed it.

"What are you doing, Angie? I wasn't done that yet!"

"Yes, you were. You just didn't know it. Jamie said an hour. I've been here thirty minutes longer than that. If you want me to be able to come back, you have to listen to the good doctor. No relapses. Not on my watch," she said in mock severity. "The last thing I need is Jamie and your sister on my case for letting you overdue it."

Sighing heavily, Nelson leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. "Fine. But leave me something for later. A whale census report or inventory or…something. It will give me something to do later so you don't have to come back," he said with an innocent tone.

"You don't like my company, Admiral?"

"I love your company, Miss Wood I just don't want you to have to come all the way back up here. It's you I'm thinking of," he said sweetly and with an imploring look.

"Yes well, that look doesn't work on me. You should know that by now. But…I will leave this report with you as I have no idea what to do with it. But…you hide that from Jamie. If he sees it, I won't hear the end of it."

Smiling in victory, Nelson took the offered report and grimaced, not liking the subject matter at all. "Thank you so much, Angie. This will be a lot of fun to go over."

"I thought so."

"You mean better me than you."

"Yep," she said smiling and rising to her feet. "I'll be back tomorrow morning? Same time?"

"If the good doctor allows it, yes. I have no real say in anything right now," he said sourly.

She reached down and placed a soft hand on her boss' shoulder. "Give it time, Admiral. You've been through a lot."

At his brief nod, she started to leave when Nelson called her back. "Angie, do you have a notepad I might have? Something to write some ideas down on? Nothing strenuous," he said, putting his hands in the air.

She stared searchingly at him for a bit but reached into her case and removed a blank note pad and handed it to him. "Hide that, too. I'm not taking any chances Jamie would disapprove."

"Yes, my dear. I will do that. Oh and a pen would be great," he added with a big grin.

"Anything else before I leave?" she asked after he had his pen.

"Just one thing. Go home early tonight? Relax? I feel like an ogre making you work long hours."

"First, you're not an ogre. Most days. Second, I am not working too hard and third, Chip and Edith have been helping me a lot along with the other secretaries. We stick together. We love this Institute. And you, sir. So stop your worrying. OK?" she said, authoritatively.

"OK," he said with a slight smile.

~O~

The next day found Nelson taking a brief, supervised stroll around his room, attended carefully by Jamieson and his sidekick, Betty Harrison.

"Take it easy, sir. We're not at the races here," Jamieson said facetiously.

"It just feels so good to be upright, Jamie. You don't know," he said slightly out of breath.

"All right, let's get you back to bed before you fall and we have to find some orderlies to help you up," he said with a laugh, pleased Nelson didn't disagree.

"You did great, sir," Betty said warmly as she helped settle Nelson back in his bed. "Tomorrow we'll go for two laps!"

"Something to look forward to," he sighed.

"Remember what I said, Admiral."

"I know, Jamie. Baby steps. I know," he said waving his hand in the air.

"If you're too tired I'll tell Angie to come later. Or not at all today."

"No, no I'm fine. Just winded from my marathon. Let her come up if she has the time."

"Admiral, you know I always have time for you," Angie said sweetly as she walked into the room, followed by Chip Morton.

"Chip! What a pleasant surprise! It's good to see you!" Nelson said affectionately as he reached a hand out to his Executive Officer who grasped it tightly, happy to see his boss looking better.

"It's good to see you, too, sir! Sorry I haven't been up in a few days. Just trying to get caught up on some stuff."

"Anything I can help with? Calls I could…"

"Admiral…down boy," Jamieson said with a laugh. "You're too eager."

"Actually, sir we're doing pretty well. Getting things back on track." Chip said with a smile.

"Oh," Nelson said, disappointed they didn't seem to need his help.

"Yep. And it only took six of us to do the work the owner of the Institute does by himself. I swear I never knew all the things you do to keep this place functioning.

Nelson smothered a laugh. "It's a labor of love, Chip," he said with a quirk of his lips.

"Oh and Lee said to tell you he'll stop by later tonight. Said he owes you a chess game?"

"Yes, he does. How is he?"

"He's making good progress, sir. He's walking pretty well and eating," he said with a pointed look at Jamie who nodded appreciatively.

"That's good. I'm…glad he's getting back to his old self," he said quietly. "Well, what wonderful items have you brought me to work on today, Angie?"

For the next hour, the three worked on proposals and reports until Jamieson put a stop to it. "All right! Enough work. Out you two," he said sternly as he escorted them out the door. With a passing admonition for Nelson to rest, he smiled and closed the door, leaving Nelson to his thoughts.

~O~

That night, Nelson was sitting on the Med Bay veranda when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jumping slightly in surprise, he smiled broadly when he saw Lee Crane standing behind him with a big smile on his face.

"Sorry I startled you, Admiral! You looked a thousand miles away!"

"Lee! It's good to see you! You're looking better."

"I'm feeling better. How are you doing?"

"I'm…fine, Lee. Bored, but fine."

"Just keep remembering _this too shall pass."_

"And the sooner I get out of here and start my therapy the better. It can't start soon enough."

Lee gazed at Nelson in speculation. He knew the admiral longed to be away from the confines of the Med Bay and he really had no pertinent words to offer. He knew what it was like and he searched for something to occupy his friend for at least a bit.

"What about that game of chess you promised me?" Crane asked.

"I want to ask you a few things, first. The…surviving family members of the men that were…killed…I assume they've been contacted, offered help with any problems? Condolences given from the Institute?"

"Of course, sir. They've been contacted. No one seems to be in financial distress but I'll be sure to ask Angie about any problems. You know she keeps up on stuff like that."

"Yes, she is good, isn't she? I'm glad I found her. I chose well in more than just my command crew," he said with a slight smile.

"Yes, sir," Lee answered with a smirk.

"Have you heard from Sanders'…widow? Does she need anything? Does she have someone to help her when the baby comes?"

"Sir, from what I heard, Laura moved back home to Virginia. Back to where her parents are."

"Probably for the best," Nelson whispered. "She should be near family now."

When Nelson didn't continue, Lee became concerned as a pensive expression stole over Nelson's face as he absently rubbed the wound on his chest. "Sir? What's wrong? Should I get Jamie?"

"Lord no! I'm fine. The last thing he needs is to be bothered by me anymore. I was just thinking of…well, never mind. One final question and we can get to that game. Have you heard anything about Malek? His location? Anything?"

Lee sat back in his chair and sighed. "No. He seems to have disappeared. I suppose it's too much to hope he died and they carried him off, isn't it?"

"Men like Malek don't seem to die, Lee. They just stay alive to inflict their poison on other people and take their frustrations out on the innocent."

Nelson's words were delivered in a voice filled with hate and Lee peered at his friend closely. He watched as emotions flickered over his face, finally settling into an almost blank stare.

"Sir? Are you sure you're all right?' Crane asked worried the admiral had spaced out.

He startled for a moment, and then smiled. "Of course, I'm all right. Just lost in thought for a moment. So, what about that game? I'll teach you a new opening gambit."

Lee laughed. "As if that will help my game. All right let's see it," he said as he leaned over the board and watched as Nelson showed him the move. He glanced up into Nelson's eyes and was struck by the fact that although outwardly he appeared fine, there was something on the inside that was eating at him. Crane knew what that something was, to a degree, but not how to help his friend. Maybe with time, it would pass and things would be as they were before. As if that could ever be.

~O~

A few days later, Nelson stood at the end of the hallway on the veranda overlooking the Institute and his beloved sub with a wistful look on his face and lost in thought. He watched the activity below as his submarine lay berthed in the surface pen, men working on her deck or by her side and he sighed. He longed to be on her and far out to sea. He was edging closer to the day he would be let out of the Med Bay to return to his home and ultimately his work. At least for a time, he thought sadly.

"You'll be back aboard her soon you old sea dog," a voice behind him said, starling Nelson for a moment.

He turned in surprise to see Jiggs Starke standing behind him. "Jiggs! What are you doing here? I thought you went to Washington?"

"I did but I flew back last night. I have news and I wanted to deliver it in person. Why don't we sit down," he said waiting until Nelson had seated himself in a nearby chair.

"So? What's so important to drag you all the way here?"

"Malek is dead, Harriman. ONI got a report a few days ago that the bastard is dead. I wanted to be the one to tell you."

Nelson leaned back in his chair a look of shock on his face. "How sure is the Intel?"

"Fairly certain."

"So…no body? How was he taken out?"

"From what I've been told, he was hiding out in a shack in Qualan. A group of government-supported troops found out and firebombed the area. They don't have much love for the man either, Harriman. They swear he was inside when the place went up."

"Visual confirmation of him entering?"

"Yes. He went in and didn't come out. I know there's no body but we feel certain he was in there and has been taken out."

Nelson stroked his neck for a time, thinking hard. If Malek was dead, then his people…and he…were out of danger from this fanatic.

"You all right, Harriman?"

"Strangely, I'm not sure. I don't feel anything right now, Jiggs. Relief? Yes, but I guess I expected more of a hallelujah moment. I just don't feel anything."

"Well, the bastard is dead. That's all I care about, my friend. You're safe and he's dead. That about sums up my feelings."

Nelson nodded and smiled at his friend. "So how long are you staying here?"

"Only tonight. I have a flight out tomorrow morning. Just long enough to see you and my little granddaughters."

"I'm honored to be in such company," Nelson said with a laugh.

"You should be, my friend!" he laughed. "Seriously, you know I'd do anything for you. We go back a long way and I owe you…"

"Jiggs, you don't owe me. But it is good to know I can count on you. I may need your support in the near future," he said with a contemplative look.

"Now that statement has all kinds of warning bells going off in my head. What do you mean by that?"

Nelson waved a dismissive hand in the air. "Nothing. Nothing. Just…it must be the drugs Jamie's been giving me. So tell me what else is going on out there in the real world," Harry said with a laugh and smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "And don't leave anything out."

Starke laughed easily and leaned back in his chair, prepared to spend more time with his old friend. "You want to know everything that's going on? That may take some time but for you, I will make the time," he said as he proceeded to fill Nelson in on all the goings on in his little piece of the world, satisfied to see Nelson attentive and happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

A few days later, Jamieson entered Nelson's room to find him poring over a journal article that had captured his interest.

"So, Admiral…how do you feel about getting out of here?' he asked, smiling when Nelson's eyes shot up to his.

"If that's some kind of joke, it's cruel."

"No joke. You've made remarkable progress in the past few days and I think it's time for you to leave. You do want to leave, don't you?"

"Do you really have to ask that? Not that I don't like you Doctor but I have things I need to do."

"Ah ah ah," he said shaking a finger at him. "No work. You may leave here. But you will stay at your house and continue recuperating there for a few more weeks."

"Weeks! Jamie …"

"No, Harry. No trips to the office. No trips to your beloved submarine. You stay in the house."

"Is the deck permissible?" he grumbled.

"I suppose the deck is allowed. But no steps! If I find you've made your way down to the beach, I'll hogtie you and bring you back here!"

"Hogtie me? I think that may be a bit extreme. Seems to me that would hurt more than the actual walk down to…"

"Harry!"

"All right, Jamie. The house shall be my new prison. Can I go home today?" he asked like a little kid waiting for a new toy.

"How about tomorrow since the day is almost gone," he said, smiling at Nelson's dejected look. "Lee, Chip and I strongly suspect Edith will be by tomorrow morning to help get you out of here and settled."

"Help? I don't need any help. They have other things they should be attending to than helping me."

"They want to, Harry. You know how they feel about you. They'd do anything for you. Same as your crew."

"I know, Jamie," Nelson said quietly as he turned his eyes from Jamieson's.

"You all right, Admiral?" Jamieson asked moving closer to his patient when Nelson remained silent and seemingly lost in thought, a common occurrence lately.

The admiral's head jerked up at the worry he heard in Jamieson's voice. "I'm fine, Jamie. Don't fuss. I was just thinking."

"That always worries me, Admiral. Why don't you call it a night? We'll get you out of here early tomorrow and you can be free."

"As free as being housebound will let me be," Nelson said sourly.

"It beats being here, doesn't it?"

Nelson looked up at Jamieson with a slightly devilish smile. "Of course it does, Jamie."

"I don't even want to know what that look means," he said as he moved towards the door. Pausing for a second, he looked back to see Nelson apparently lost in thought again and he frowned. What was the man up to? "See you tomorrow, Harry," he said before leaving the admiral to his thoughts.

~O~

"Well, Admiral Nelson, I have to say I'm going to miss seeing you every day," Nurse Betty Harrison said warmly as she helped Nelson finish dressing.

"You have to say it Betty or you really mean it?" he asked with a smirk.

"I really mean it, sir," she laughed. "So few people my own age around here. They're all so young."

"Ouch. I'll pretend that didn't hurt," he said with a laugh as he seated himself back in the wheelchair he was being forced to endure for a few more minutes as he awaited Lee and Chip's arrival.

"You know what I mean, Admiral. You and I have been more places and done more things than these youngsters combined," she said kindly.

"Yes. Yes we have, Betty," he said softly knowing she had been a nurse during WWII and had been in the Philippines when Bataan had fallen to the Japanese. She'd been captured and interned with other civilians and forced to work in an internment camp hospital until she and the other nurses had been freed by American forces. After her release she had worked in a hospital in Manila for a few years where she met a young Navy Lieutenant named Harry Nelson who had been injured in a covert ONI mission and was recuperating in the hospital she worked at. The two had become friends and had remained so for several years.

"The name is Harry, Betty. You can call me that any time you want. We've known each other a long time."

"Yes, sir. Admiral, sir," she teased. She placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "You _will_ take it easy, sir. As much as I enjoy your company and your stories, I don't want to see you in here again," she admonished.

"I shall do my utmost to stay out of Doctor Jamieson's clutches, Betty," he said with a laugh.

"Do I hear my name being taken in vain, Admiral? Betty?" Jamieson said as he walked through the door, Crane and Morton on his heels.

"Not at all, Jamie. Betty and I were just reminiscing," Nelson said with a smile when he saw his officers surprised looks. "Something wrong, gentlemen?"

"Not at all, sir," they said in unison.

"Where's my little sister?" he asked looking behind them and not finding Edith. "I thought for sure she would be here."

"I believe when we left her at the office she was on the phone to the Nereus Corporation about their contract with NIMR," Chip said cautiously.

"Nereus? Why? What's wrong with the contract?" he asked in anxiety. "It's ironclad and runs through next year."

"I believe she was telling them that in no uncertain terms, sir."

"Then what was the problem with…"

"Admiral, Edith is taking care of it," Lee said quietly. "Once we get you home, we'll call and make sure everything is fine. You know she can handle them. She has an excellent example in how to handle people."

Nelson smirked at Crane and sat back in the wheelchair. "Yes, you're right. She is capable of handling it. How about I get out of here then."

"You bet, Admiral," Crane said as he walked by Nelson's side as Betty pushed the four-star admiral down the hall and out into the bright Santa Barbara day. An Institute car was waiting by the curb, driven by Chief Francis Sharkey who emerged from the vehicle quickly and hurried to his commanding officer's side. "It sure is good to see you out of the hospital, sir. Here let me help you," he said as he helped Nelson, who was pretty sure he didn't need any help, from his wheelchair and guided him to the front seat.

"Thank you, Francis," he said sincerely before turning to look at Jamieson and Betty. "Thank you both for everything. Jamie, I'm in your debt as always."

"No debt, sir. It's my job. I count myself blessed to be able to work here and on _Seaview_ even if I do have to fight the three of you to take care of yourselves. Now, I believe your house has been stocked with food so eat. I'll be down in a few hours to see how you're doing and change your dressings."

"Jamie, I don't need…"

"Yes, you do need my help. If you don't want me to help, you stay here. And don't forget to use that cane there. Your leg is still weak."

"Fine," Nelson grumbled. "Betty, I'm glad you decided to come work at the Institute. You and Jack will have to come over some night and we can catch up," he said sincerely.

"I'll do that, Admiral."

"It's Harry. Why will no one call me Harry?"

"I guess you don't look like a Harry to us, sir. You look like…an Admiral," Chip Morton said shrugging.

"Very well, Mr. Morton. Let's go," he said with a smile.

~O~

Admiral Harriman Nelson was a rich man long before he had ever invented any of the many creations and patents that bore his name. His house was a beautiful two story dwelling that sat on a bluff within view of the sub pen and docks and which had an awe inspiring view of the Pacific Ocean below. A small trail wound gently down to the beach below: an apparently forbidden trail he thought sourly. He longed to sit on the beach and listen to the waves crash and feel the spray hit him in the face. The sea was in his blood and it galled him to know it was so close but not close enough. _Soon, _he thought_. Soon I'll be down there. Soon I'll be…where? _He wondered.

"Well, Admiral, as Jamie said the fridge is stocked. Angie, Edith and a few of the secretaries have been busy cooking and there are casseroles in the freezer complete with instructions. I believe there are also some baked goods somewhere," Lee said, looking about the kitchen for the goodies.

"That wasn't necessary, Lee. Chip, tell them I'm grateful though."

"They did the same for me, sir and let me tell you, they can cook!" Lee said with a huge smile. "You can thank Angie tomorrow when she comes down, sir. She had a few things she wanted to go over with you?"

"Oh, yes. I'd forgotten. Well, gentlemen, since there appears to be plenty of food here, why not join me in an early lunch?"

"Sounds good to me, sir," Sharkey said with enthusiasm.

"All right, Chief I'll just…"

"You'll just sit down and let me do the reheating," Chip said with an authoritative tone. "Sir," he added as an afterthought. "You both are recuperating. Sharkey and I will fix lunch."

"Well then I'll just head out to my deck and sit. Join me Lee?"

The two men drew up chairs and sat down, luxuriating in the feel of the sun on their faces and the soft breeze on their skin. "This is Heaven," Nelson said dreamily as he closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"It sure is," Crane said, sighing happily. Things were finally getting back to normal. Nelson was out of the hospital and doing well, the Institute was running efficiently and he himself would be back to work fulltime very soon. And best of all, Malek was dead. One less foe to worry about. One less threat to the admiral's safety.

"What would you think of my giving Angie a promotion, Lee?"

Surprised by the out of the blue question, Lee turned to look at his boss who sat with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. "I think that would be great, sir! She deserves it. She practically runs the place when we're not there."

"Or in the Med Bay," Nelson added. "And there's no _practically_ about it. She _does_ run the Institute. I think we need a new title for her as well as a pay increase. I want to make sure she has the authority to make decisions in case at some future time, I may not be here."

"What do you mean by "not here"?" Crane asked, the hairs on his neck rising.

Nelson laughed and turned to his friend. "It's a foregone conclusion I won't live forever, Lee. I'd like to know that if something happened…suddenly or otherwise…the Institute would go on. There are provisions made in my will of course, but if…"

"I don't think I want to talk about this, sir," Crane said crossly.

"Lee…"

Nelson's words were cut off by the arrival of Chip and Sharkey bearing a huge lunch which they placed on the table in front of the two men, who stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"Uh…anything wrong?" Chip asked, feeling the tension between the two men.

"Nope. I was just discussing giving Angie a raise and a new title. What do you two think?"

"I think that's great, sir. She deserves it," Chip said with a touch of confusion as he knew Lee couldn't possibly object to that but sure something was up between the two men.

"Yeah. She sure is on the ball, sir. I think that's great!" Sharkey said happily.

"Good. Now let's eat and we'll come up with a title for her. All right, Lee?" he asked quietly, his eyes boring into his.

"Yes sir," he said dropping his eyes for a moment before raising them to watch Nelson when he turned his attention to the food before him. Something was up with him. He could feel it but hadn't a clue what it was. But then when could he ever figure the admiral out? The man could plot circles around him.

Shaking his head, he accepted a plate laden with food. "That's a little much, isn't it, Chip?' he asked with a laugh.

"Good food and lots of it and you both will be back to work sooner. Meaning I can ease off on the paperwork. And I'd like to remind the admiral he yanked me away from the Navy because I was doing nothing but paperwork," he said with a smile.

"Any paperwork you have that needs doing, Chip I will be happy to do it. Except budget reviews," he said with a crooked smile before Chip could offer Nelson the reviews to peruse.

"Yes sir," Chip said despondently. "Budget reviews are mine."

The four men ate in silence for awhile enjoying each other's company. It had been awhile since they had been together and they spent some time catching up.

"Well, we still need a title for Angie," Nelson said after the talk began to die down.

"How about Institute Goddess," Chip said with a smile that earned a frown from Nelson.

"Executive Assistant?" Sharkey asked. "Senior Executive Assistant?"

"How about Assistant Director?" Lee suggested.

Nelson ran a hand over his brow. "I like that. It lets people know she acts in my name. The question is, will she like it? I guess I'll find out."

"When will you tell her?" Lee asked.

"She should be down sometime this afternoon. Maybe then?"

A few more minutes passed before Chip leaned back from the table and sighed. "Well, that was great but I have a meeting in twenty minutes to go over some new proposals from the physics department. I best get moving," he said as he rose and gathered up the plates and took them to the dishwasher and started it.

"He'll make a great wife some day, don't you think, Admiral" Lee asked with a grin.

"Hey! If you two could manage to stay out of trouble you wouldn't need waiting on," Morton said as he walked back outside to stand by his commanding officers and friends. "Sirs."

"What's with the sirs today, Chip?" Nelson asked.

"Just showing respect, s…Admiral," he said with a big grin.

Nelson shook his head and laughed. "It's good to be here with good friends," he said smiling at them. "It's very good."

"Well I best get a move on, too," Sharkey said. "I have some stuff to get to before we…"

"Chief," Morton said in a low, quiet tone.

Nelson quirked an eyebrow up and stared in Sharkey's direction. "Before we…what Chief?"

"Uh, nothing, sir. Just…uh…"

"Mr. Morton?" he said turning his eyes to his Executive Officer.

"It's just the re-supply for the Sea Lab Oceanus, sir.

"Ah, is it that time already? I'd forgotten about that. But then, that's why I hire the best isn't it? Carry on gentlemen. Run my Institute," he finished softly, wishing he could be onboard for the mission, even though it was a low level cruise.

"Just until you get back, sir," Chip said pointedly.

"Yes, until I get back," Nelson said pensively.

Sharkey and Morton left quietly leaving Nelson and Lee alone.

"No place to be, Lee?" he asked quietly, twirling a fork Chip had left behind.

"Nope. I'm still not allowed to be back to work. Two days yet," he sighed. He turned his eyes to Nelson who stared at the fork with a look of focused intensity and he leaned forward. "What is it, Admiral? You get this look in your eyes every once in awhile as if you're planning something. Something you aren't happy about."

"I don't know what you mean, Lee. I'm just…just wishing…wondering."

"About what?"

"Just wishing things were different and…wondering what my life, and yours, would be like if I had made different choices."

"That again? Admiral, I'm happy where I am doing what I'm doing. I don't want to be anywhere else. As for wondering if you made the right choices for me or Chip or…or anyone else…well, it's pointless, isn't it?"

"Perhaps. But, I can't help but feel you and Chip and the others would be safer somehow if I wasn't here. If you didn't know me," he said softly.

Lee reached over and grabbed hold of Nelson's arm tightly, forcing him to look up. "I don't know where this is coming from but there are no guarantees in life. My life would be the poorer if I had never met you. And if you're thinking of Malek, stop. It's over. He's gone…dead."

"Malek is just one foe, Lee. You know there have been more. There will _always_ be more. And every time they come after me, you'll be there beside me because that is who you are. And every time, you risk dying. I remember how it felt when I thought you were dead. I don't want to go through that again. I can't."

"Admiral, I chose where I want to be and that is here, by your side. I don't want anything else. I don't want to _be_ anywhere else. Yes, I would give up my life to save you. And I know you would do the same for me. Should we run away then?"

Nelson sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "You know I'm quite tired suddenly. I'll think I'll go inside and rest," he said as he grabbed his cane, rose and limped slowly inside.

Crane sat for a time, staring out at the ocean below him, trying hard to figure out how to make the admiral see reason. So many times in the past they had confronted danger and death. Each had thought the other dead at one time or another. For Lee, it had burned like a fiery knife through his insides and he suspected the same was true for Nelson. He knew he had thought him dead in the attack Malek had orchestrated. Perhaps that was the reason for the admiral's coma. He didn't know. He did know that you couldn't just stop living and wait for something to happen. He had to get Nelson to stop the thoughts he was having but had no clue how.

Rising, he walked quietly inside the house and looked to the living room where he saw Nelson stretched out on the couch, a soft snore telling him he _had_ been tired. He walked to his side and stared down at him. In sleep, his face was relaxed, the cares and worries wiped away. He just wished it could stay that way. Nelson was fighting demons and he had no idea how to help him nor did he know to what end those demons would take him. And that scared him.

~O~

Nelson awoke a few hours later to discover Lee Crane sprawled in a chair across from him sound asleep. He smiled as he saw the awkward position the man had found comfortable. A gentle knock on the door broke the stillness of the day and he sat up as quickly as he could, hurrying to answer it as fast as his injured leg would allow. Opening it, he saw his secretary Angie standing there a big smile on her face.

"Admiral! It's so good to see you out of the hospital and at home!"

"It's good to _be_ home, Angie. I wanted to thank you and the others for the food you left. Lee, Chip, Sharkey and I polished off one of those casseroles for lunch!"

"Well, you weren't supposed to share!" she laughed.

"I'm surprised Edith isn't with you. She still having trouble with Nereus?"

"Nereus? How did you…I mean things are fine with Nereus," she said with a frown.

"That's not what I heard."

"Well, you weren't supposed to hear anything. And she's taking care of it. The contract is sound and unbreakable. You know it and they know it so there's nothing to worry about is there? How are you feeling?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"I feel fine, Angie," he said, deciding to let the subject drop. "Just had a nap and I'm ready to do some work. What did you bring?"

"Well, Jamie said light work so I just brought a few proposals. Nothing that should make your blood pressure skyrocket," she said with a smile.

"All right, Miss Wood. Let's go out on the deck. I have a sleepy captain snoring away in the other room."

"I do not snore!" a loud retort from the living room came. Silence reined for a bit until soft snores could be heard again causing Nelson and Angie to smile.

The two walked to the table out on the deck and sat down to work on some proposals that Nelson found to his chagrin, lightweight. If something exciting didn't happen soon, he thought he might explode from boredom.

"Well, that's all I brought, sir," Angie said gathering up her folders and putting them in her briefcase.

"Try to find something more…exciting for tomorrow? Anything except budget reviews."

"Jamie said easy. That's what I'll bring. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact there's something I want to talk over with you if you have the time."

"Of course," she said sitting back down with a puzzled look.

"Angie, the past few weeks, hell the past years, you've run the Institute for me when I've been away or injured or…missing. There isn't anyone I trust more to do what's right for NIMR. I've…well, I've had a lot of time to think and the title secretary just isn't enough for what you do. I'd like to give you a promotion with a pay increase. How does the title Assistant Director sound?" he asked as he watched her carefully to see how she felt about it.

Angie's mouth dropped open and she found she couldn't speak for a moment. "Assistant Director? I…I don't know. I…"

"If you have a better title let me hear it. This is just what we came up with on the spur of the moment."

"No, it's not that I don't like the title, it's just…I'm a secretary. I…"

"Angie we both know you're more than that. With the new title and of course raise, you would have more control over areas of the Institute say when I'm away or…God forbid…missing. Control you have now to a degree but this makes if official. I trust you to make decisions you think I would make if the need arises and this would let others know you have my support in that."

Angie felt her face flush as she pondered the honor Nelson was offering her. It was enough for her to know he valued her as more than a secretary but to be given the title of Assistant director…well she didn't know what to say.

Nelson stared at Angie while she considered his offer. "Is this what you really want, sir?"

"It is. I've been thinking of it for some time now, since before Malek came back into my life actually. My stay at the hospital has given me more time to think it through. However, if it isn't something you're comfortable with, I'll find another solution."

"I…I don't know what to say. To know you have such confidence in me…well…yes! Yes sir! I'd be honored to be your Assistant Director."

"Wonderful! We'll work on what your responsibilities will be soon then. In the meantime I guess you have work to do in the office?"

Angie glanced at her watch. "Oh my. I should get back. I have a lot of things to do before I head home," she said rising and heading back inside, Nelson close behind her.

"Angie, whatever doesn't get done today doesn't get done. Don't work so hard. I feel badly that you're working so much. If Jamie would let me…"

"Admiral, I'm fine and you need to concentrate on getting better," she as she laid a hand on his arm. "That will be soon if you do what Jamie says. Now I'd better head off. Same time tomorrow?"

"If you have the time. But please find something more interesting."

She gave him a small smile and a wave and headed out the door with a smile on her lips.

"She say yes?" a voice from the living room asked.

Nelson turned and gazed back in the room, shadows beginning to lengthen in the late afternoon light.

"Yes, she did. Downright flabbergasted her but she said yes."

Crane sat up in the chair he had spent too much time asleep in and looked hard at his boss and friend. "Do you want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"There's nothing to tell, Lee," he said shrugging as he limped back into the living room and sat wearily down on the sofa, rubbing the wound on his chest briefly.

"Are you in pain?" Crane asked in concern.

"A bit. Just aches sometimes. I imagine you know the feeling," he said softly.

"Yeah. I guess I do." Silence filled the room for a bit as Crane stared hard at Nelson, who sat with his head back against the couch, seemingly asleep. Yet the telltale rise and fall of his chest told Crane he was awake and agitated.

"What's wrong, Admiral? Please. Don't shut me out."

Sighing, Nelson raised his head and stared at Crane. "I'm not shutting you out, Lee. There's nothing to shut you out of. Why do you think there is?"

"Because I know you. I see how you drift off into some place where you're thinking hard. And not like you do when you're coming up with some grand idea or solution to some world crisis. This is different."

"Lee, more than a few men lost their lives because of me. This time it was due to Malek. Who was it the time before that or the time before that? Men have died…my…my own wife died to protect me," he said, his voice catching as he remembered how his wife of two days had put herself in front of him to protect him from a sniper's bullet and died in his arms. He'd fallen in love with her on a mission to help the rebel faction of her small country called San Marco years before and was told she had been killed by the government troops she fought against. He had grieved for her for a long time until he'd discovered, years later, that she was alive. Reunited, they had rekindled a love they thought they would never find again, only to have it snatched from them when she'd put herself in front of a bullet meant for him. ** "I…I have had to watch them…her… die and I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of being the reason."

"Admiral, they all chose to…"

"Don't you get it? It doesn't matter if they chose to put themselves in front of me or not! I don't _want_ to be the cause of any more deaths!" he said angrily, his face suffused with a brilliant red hue. He rose awkwardly from the couch and headed towards the deck, stopping for a moment before saying over his shoulder, "And if there's any way on this earth that I can manage it, then by damn I will."

Crane stared at the admiral's back as he walked onto the deck and stood at the railing watching his beloved sea in the distance. Rising, he walked towards him, then stopped. He had no words for what Nelson was going through. He had nothing to give him and with a sinking feeling, he left the house.

** A Voice from the Shadows


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Crane was finally cleared for light duty, something that delighted Nelson greatly as he knew that Lee could get back to doing what he loved and the thought gave Nelson pleasure. His own enforced recuperation continued, but at a slower pace than he liked. His strength returned slowly and the wounds were healing, for the most part. The wound in his leg responded well to the therapy he was given and he felt the strength finally returning to it. Soon he could throw the nasty cane away and rejoice in its demise. His chest wound was healing but the injury to his side seemed reluctant to mend as well as the other injuries which required frequent trips to the Med Bay to visit Jamie. The fact he hadn't been cleared to drive yet necessitated a driver which irked Nelson to no end. Occasionally, after a trip to Med Bay he visited with Angie in the office and talked over various proposals or aided her in unfortunately small details or just spent time enjoying her company. He longed to be active and whole again and the slow pace of his life vexed him.

Edith had reluctantly returned to Boston and her life there after repeated assurances by Nelson that he was fine, and called frequently to check up on her brother. Lee and Chip visited often and kept him up to date on what was happening with _Seaview_ or any of the many upcoming projects she would be doing. The longing to be aboard her became overwhelming at times but Nelson tamped down his yearning as best he could. Things were going to change and he couldn't allow sentimentality to have a voice in his choices; choices he was rethinking every day.

Restlessly prowling his house one night he stared longingly down at the beach that beckoned to him. He hadn't made the walk down the short trail yet, having been told repeatedly by Jamie he wasn't up for it. But the restlessness became a voice that called urgently to him and he answered it. Grabbing his cane, he traversed the trail slowly, snorting in derision at Jamie's orders. He walked to the shoreline and watched the waves lap gently on the beach, and waited for the peace he always felt in the presence of his love the sea come—but it didn't come this time and he was disheartened. Turning he spied a large rock, a favorite thinking spot of his, behind him and he limped to it. He cursed his weakness as his leg burned and trembled at the slight exertion as he sank onto the hard surface.

Harry Nelson, four-star admiral and renowned marine biologist, stared longingly out at his love, the ocean, listening to the waves as they crashed on the shore. Normally the sound soothed him but tonight, there was no comfort to be found from the sea. Anger, guilt and a deep sadness filled him as he remembered the lives lost because of him. His own wife had thrown herself at him to protect him from a bullet. It was a few years later, yet he still remembered the feel of her body hitting his and the grief that had left him a depressed shell of who he had been. Others had over the years died or been hurt to protect him. Even Lee had been hurt as he had tried to keep him from being taken by Malek's men. He remembered the anguish he had felt as he had watched Lee be callously gunned down and he remembered the blood of the others that had flowed. All because of him. How many others had given their lives to protect him over the years? How many others had died, directly or indirectly, because of him? How many died because of an order he gave? He closed his eyes as their faces flowed through his mind. He knew them. He saw them in his dreams at night. He heard their cries. He saw them staring at him and he tried to blot their faces from his memory and failed. All he wanted was to be left alone. No duty calling him. No weight of the world on his shoulders. No responsibility. No sea of faces beckoning to him.

Once he had welcomed it all, thrived on it, dealt with it, accepted the deaths as inevitable. Now? Now it crushed him until he felt he couldn't breathe**. **So much had happened in the past few years from the events in San Marco and Maria to his imprisonment in Malek's prison camp to Malek's recent attack. So many things that he couldn't change. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if he just wasn't Admiral Harriman Nelson. What would it be like to walk down a street and not have people whisper or stare or kill the people he cared about? He closed his eyes as he pondered that life. He'd never seriously thought of doing anything else with his life. He was proud of what he had and what he had accomplished but sometimes…sometimes the weight got to be too much. People trying to kill him or abduct him was something he accepted. But when people he cared about got hurt or died…it burned a blazing hole through him: a hole he was tired of trying to fix. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to stop the pain. Stop it how? How?

"Ah, Admiral Nelson. I'm surprised to find you out here all alone. No keepers tonight? No guards?"

Startled from his musings, Nelson turned at the voice of the man he had come to hate, the voice he heard in his dreams yelling at him, the man that had beaten him and did his best to make sure he never left the jungle of Qualan alive.

"Malek," he said simply, his voice filled with hate. "So you aren't dead. I had hoped."

"One can not kill the devil, Nelson. That traitor in the prison camp tried but failed, as you see."

"That was no traitor, Malek. Trais was a patriot to his country," he said remembering the man that had also suffered at Malek's hand and had, supposedly fired the shot that killed him. "I just wish he had fired a few more times. There would be fewer bodies now."

"Ah yes. Your men. You grieve for them, don't you? Sad. You're weaker than I first thought, Admiral Nelson. Concern, love, duty make you weak. But I did not come to talk about your failures."

"Just what did you come for?"

Malek laughed, the gun in his hand never wavering. "You really don't know? I've come to take you home with me. My prize captive. Together we will go to my new home, The People's Republic, where I will be feted for at last bringing the great Admiral Nelson to them."

"You think it will be that easy?" he asked, climbing down from the rock he sat on and leaning against it.

Malek shrugged. "What is hard? You are here, unarmed, alone, wounded. I on the other hand, have a gun. Even the guards that patrolled outside your house can't help you."

At Nelson's startled look, he continued, "Ah, you did not know there were people guarding you? Wonderful! Such a wonderful surprise for you then. Alas, there are two more men's lives to add to your count. Sad, no?"

Nelson felt his anger begin to boil. He should have known Lee would post guards even though the supposed threat was gone. He should have known. His anger flared in him and he surged toward Malek, ignoring briefly the gun that Malek held in his hand, almost wishing he would pull the trigger.

"Ah, Nelson, do not be so impetuous. I will use this if I have to."

"Then use it because I won't be taken alive to your new home."

Malek sighed dramatically. "Really? Must we play games?"

Nelson glanced behind Malek and smiled slightly. "I do think we need to play this game. For awhile longer at least," he said looking behind Malek again.

"Someone comes, eh? Who?" he asked turning slightly.

It was all the opening Nelson needed and he launched himself at Malek, knocking the gun away. The two wrestled in the sand, trading punches for a time. Nelson rose to his feet, bringing Malek with him and threw a punch to the man's jaw sending him reeling. Throwing out a leg as Nelson came forward, he caught him in the still healing wound in his side and he crumbled in agony. Reaching out for the gun lying in the sand, Malek grabbed it, bringing the weapon up and aiming it at Nelson who rolled to his side and kicked a leg, his wounded one unfortunately, out catching Malek's hand. The gun fell from Malek's numb hand and Nelson grabbed it but before he could aim it, Malek fell on top of him struggling to regain control of the gun. The two rolled over and over, each trying to pull the weapon around to fire it.

Suddenly the gun went off and Malek stiffened, then fell to his side, a red blotch beginning to spread on his chest. Nelson pushed Malek off him and staggered to his feet, dispassionately firing two more rounds into the still body, one in the center of his forehead.

"Even devils can die, Malek," he spat out, swiping angrily at the blood that trickled from his mouth. Staggering, he leaned on the rock nearby and glanced down at his side. "Damn," he whispered as he saw the blood begin to seep from the wound. "Of all places to hit." He looked down at his leg and was relieved no blood seeped from that wound, then rubbed a hand over his chest wound, satisfied that even though it hurt like crazy, it hadn't reopened.

Staring up the walkway to his house, he frowned as it seemed much further away than it had been, then looked back at Malek. He needed to get help but was afraid if he left Malek alone he would disappear. He wanted a body to prove to himself, if no one else, that the man was dead.

Shrugging, he reached down for his cane and began to limp back to his house, his leg trembling at the exertion. After what seemed a very long time, he reached the deck and paused, trying to regain his breath as fire flared through his wounds. Straightening from his hunched over position, he stumbled inside to call first Jamie then Lee, informing them dispassionately of the night's adventures.

Within a few minutes, Lee was on his doorstep with Jamie close behind. They entered the house quickly to find Nelson sitting out on the deck with a blood soaked towel to his side and a bag of ice on his swollen eye.

"Admiral? Let me see," Jamieson's quiet voice reached him and he leaned back, allowing the doctor to see the wound.

"Stitches are out I'd say, Jamie. Sorry to ruin your handiwork," Nelson said dejectedly, wincing at the doctor's examination of his injuries.

"Where's Malek, Admiral?" Lee asked tightlipped.

Nelson knew he was blaming himself for not being there when Nelson needed him. "He's down on the beach. By that big rock. This time he's really dead. I made sure," he said softly.

"I'll take care of him."

"Lee, the men you had guarding me…Malek said he killed them," he said quietly, turning to stare him in the face. "Did you have men stationed here? Without telling me?"

The muscles in Crane's jaw work for a bit before he answered. "Yes, sir. Two men patrolled the grounds outside the house."

"How long have they been here?" he asked, embarrassed to know he hadn't been aware of their presence.

"Since you were released from Med Bay," he said, trying to ignore the look of anguish that washed over Nelson's face.

"Two more. Dear God. How many more?" he whispered, swaying suddenly.

Jamieson reached out a hand to steady him. "Let me help you, Admiral," he said holding on to him.

"Doc, is he all right?"

"He will be. Just have to put more stitches in and clean up these bruises and cuts. Then he needs rest."

"You can do that here, right, Jamie?" Nelson asked in a hard voice, the tone one that Jamieson knew meant Nelson had no intention of returning to the Med Bay.

"Yes, Admiral. I'll take care of it here. Let's get inside where I can see what I'm doing," he said, helping Nelson to his feet.

"Lee, I want Malek's body watched. I want it guarded. This time I want to know for sure he's not coming back."

"Yes sir. I called base security. They're on their way," he said as he watched Nelson limp inside, leaning heavily on Jamie's arm.

So close. Once again they had come so close to losing him. He shook his head then started down the path to the beach and walked to Malek's body, noticing with some satisfaction the three bullet holes in the body. "I guess your time is past, Malek. You lose. We win. You see, the good guys always win."

~O~

Jamieson helped Nelson to his bedroom and carefully stitched the wound on Nelson's side once again, frowning as he glanced up into Nelson's tight face. The admiral held himself rigid as he did his best to ignore the pain the stitches caused.

"There," he said after tying the last one. "That should do it."

Nelson looked down at the doctor's handiwork and smiled slightly. "Looks good. As always, my friend," he said, quietly.

"Let me clean these cuts and scrapes up," Jamie said as he dabbed at the scratches on Nelson's face and brought a cold rag for him to place on his swollen eye.

"Thanks, Jamie," Nelson said quietly as he stood to go find a clean shirt in his closet, the blood stained one tossed carelessly into the trash.

"Admiral…Harry, this isn't your fault you know."

"Isn't it, Jamie? Weren't they here guarding me? Weren't the others guarding me? All the others over the years?" he said angrily as he pulled the shirt on over his head, grimacing in pain as he did so.

"Harry…"

"No, Jamie! I'm tired of it!" he said vehemently. "Lee almost died because of me! A young woman is going to have to raise a child alone because of me! I…just don't want to think of it any more. I don't want any more deaths on my conscience! Why can't anyone understand that?"

"Admiral… calm down! You're not doing yourself any good!" Jamieson said, moving towards Nelson and holding on to the agitated man's arm. "Please, calm down."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down? How am I supposed to do that? Tell me! Do you know that I see their faces in my dreams at night? I see Maria looking at me in shock as her life ebbed away in my arms. I see the faces of so many people that have died because of me because of an order I gave or didn't give. I see the faces of men that died standing in front of me to protect me! I see them looking at me with looks that plead for me to do something…anything to change what is about to happen! And I CAN'T! Dear God, I can't! If Lee had been here tonight…he'd be out there dead! You know it. I know it. I see his sightless eyes staring at me and I feel the helplessness, the desolation. I _know_ he'd die to protect me and I know that someday that is exactly what is going to happen and I can't bear the thought of that. I…I can't…I can't bear it! I lost Maria. I won't…I can't lose Lee or anyone else. Not any more. I won't allow it! I won't. Not if there's anything I can do to keep it from happening," he ended brokenly, collapsing into the chair by his bed, his head in his hands.

Jamieson knelt by his friend's side and searched for something to say. Hearing a noise, he looked up to see Crane staring at the admiral in shock and knew he had heard it all. He lowered his eyes to Jamieson's, his mouth working but no sound came. He searched for something to say, anything to help his friend, and found nothing. Shaking his head, he turned away and headed quietly down the hall to leave Jamieson to deal with Nelson alone.

~O~

The house had grown deeply quiet as Crane stood on the deck staring with unseeing eyes at the beach. Malek's body, as well as the guards', had been collected by base security and taken to the Institute. The families were being notified by the head of security; a task he didn't envy the man. Various government agencies had been contacted informing them of Malek's demise.

The sound of the door to the deck opening caused Crane to turn, not surprised to see a very tired doctor come out. "How is he?"

"Asleep."

"Willingly?"

Jamieson snorted. "No. He resisted but I gave him a sedative. You saw how agitated he was. There was no way he was going to calm down enough to sleep."

"What's up with him, Jamie? He's seen men die before."

"This time was different, Lee. He thought you were dead. He saw you fall and knew you were dead because of him and it eats at him, just as Maria's death still eats at him. He's afraid someday your death because of him is going to happen for real."

"I can't stop being there for him, Jamie. I can't. I won't! It's more than just my job. He's more than just a friend. I owe him so much."

Jamieson knew the regard—the love—the two men had for each other. More like brothers than commanding and subordinate officer or employer and employee. They genuinely cared about each other. There'd been times when their friendship had been tested but it had always survived—made stronger by the adversity. He knew that given time, Nelson would see that some things needed to be done in a certain way and that it was Lee's choice to remain at Nelson's side, whether he liked it or not. Nelson was an important man and one worth keeping safe. He just hoped he saw that before the man did something rash: something that couldn't be changed.

"Well, he'll stay asleep for a few hours. I think I'll head home and get some sleep. I'll come back in the morning," Jamieson said, trying to stifle a yawn. "You should think about sleep, too."

"I will, Jamie. I think I'll stretch out on the couch. I don't want him to be alone tonight. He may need me."

"Fine. But sleep," Jamie said as he walked to the door with Crane on his heels.

"Yes sir," Crane replied giving him a mock salute, before closing the door behind the doctor. He stared up the stairs towards the closed bedroom door for a moment, lost in thought then walked to the couch and stretched out on it. He tried hard to repress it but he felt deep down that something was going to happen and he was powerless to stop it. He didn't know how, or when, but he knew something was coming and the thought filled him with fear.

~O~

A few short hours later, Nelson emerged from the bedroom, his hair mussed and his eyes bleary. He hated the feeling of waking from sedation. He roamed unsteadily into the living room and saw Crane stretched out on the couch asleep and smiled slightly. _Never far away from me, are you, Lee?_ Shaking his head, he settled himself in the chair nearby and studied his young friend, wondering what it was that made him feel such a sense of duty to him. He knew Lee felt a deep friendship with him that bordered on brotherhood. Whatever therelationship, it filled a need for the pair. Shaking his head he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair, lost in thought. He knew in his heart he needed to do something to change what he saw as the inevitable ending of Crane, and others, being killed protecting him. Lee had come close before to dying for him and Nelson was damned it he would let it happen again.

"You should be asleep," a quiet voice from the couch said.

"Who says I'm not asleep?" Nelson asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Me. Your breathing hasn't changed since you came out of the bedroom."

"Playing possum, Lee?"

"Call it what you want. I thought I might be able to figure out what you were up to if I kept quiet."

Sighing loudly, Nelson asked in a resigned tone, "What makes you think I'm up to something?"

"Experience. So what are you planning?"

"What I'm planning, is to finish healing and get back to work before I go crazy. Although after tonight, I think I may be getting close," he said with a smile in his voice.

"Close? Close to what," Crane asked sitting up and staring at Nelson.

"Close to going crazy," Nelson said opening his eyes and smiling at his friend. "I'm sorry. I guess you heard my…tirade? I don't mean to worry you or Jamie. These past weeks have been…difficult to deal with. Not just the physical but the..." Nelson, unable to find a way of saying what he felt, waved a hand in the air and leaned his head back again. "You should go home and get some sleep, Lee. I know from experience that couch is not comfortable to sleep on."

"I find it very comfortable."

Nelson snorted. "You, my young friend could find a slab floor comfortable. I've seen the positions you fall asleep in. Really, you should just go home. I'm fine. You do have work tomorrow I believe unlike some of us that would kill for a juicy grant proposal or areport about something other than how much food needs to be ordered for the next re-supply for Oceanus.

Crane was quiet for a time, watching Nelson carefully. "Maybe I will. But if you need me, call. OK?" he asked standing over Nelson for a moment waiting for the man to open his eyes and look at him.

"I will. Thank you," he said as he smiled at Lee.

"For?"

"For being here even when I try to push you away. I know you don't understand what I feel but I'm thankful you haven't given up on me."

"Admiral, being your friend is nothing if not exciting and challenging. I'll see you tomorrow, all right? If you need anything, call," he said as he patted the man gently on the leg and left.

Nelson smiled as he watched Crane leave. It was going to be very difficult to do what he felt he needed to do. Very difficult, he thought as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

~O~

The sun streaming brightly through the windows awakened Nelson at the unheard of hour of 0900. He was a bit shocked he had slept as long as he had and almost yelped at the pain that moving his head off the back of the chair caused. He was going to pay for sleeping on that blasted chair for so long.

Rising a bit shakily, he limped his way to the bathroom where a good long hot shower eased the pain somewhat from his joints and wounds. He was thinking that maybe purchasing a hot tub would be a good investment if he was going to keep getting older.

"Ah, but what would be the point of that?" he asked himself. Getting no answer, he dressed, tended his various wounds as best as he could and plodded on to the kitchen where he started a fresh pot of coffee. Glancing out the glass door to the deck, he saw Will Jamieson sitting at the table with two takeout cups of coffee and a bag of something sitting on it.

Opening the door, Nelson walked through and moved to sit by Jamieson's side. "Early for a house call isn't it?"

"Just wanted to see how you were. I heard the shower running so I figured you were alive."

"Barely," Nelson grumbled. "That sedative you gave me knocked me for a loop. I just woke up."

Jamieson snorted. "That's what a sedative is supposed to do, Harry. Here. Fresh coffee and bagels. Eat."

Deciding to ignore the fact he had already started a pot of coffee, he grabbed the cup like a lifeline and drank, almost sighing in pleasure. "You know all the best places to get coffee, don't you my friend?"

"Comes with being a doctor. To survive the long hours you need plenty of the black ambrosia to keep you going." He sidled a glance at his patient and friend and found him actively engaged in staring out at the sea, lost in thought. Again. Deciding the man wasn't going to eat unless he fed it to him, he unwrapped the bagel and put it in his hand. "Eat," he said succinctly.

Shaking his head, Nelson took a bite of the bagel and nodded. "It's good. Thank you, Jamie."

"Just a bagel and coffee, Admiral."

"No, it's more than that," he said slowly putting the bagel down and brushing his hands. "I'm not sure I've ever properly thanked you for all you do. For me, Lee, the men. I can't think of a finer doctor to have working for me and I'm proud to call you my friend. I know I've been…difficult for lack of a better word lately. I hope you'll forgive me."

"Difficult? You?" Jamieson snorted. "And what do you mean lately?"

Nelson laughed and picked the bagel back up and chewed on it. "Point taken."

"While I'm here, let me check my handiwork from last night. Make sure all your blood is staying where it belongs," he said as he pulled Nelson's shirt up and took the bandage off, examined the wound and put a fresh bandage on.

"All good, Doctor?"

"It would seem my stitches are holding. They will continue to hold if you avoid activities like last night."

"Wasn't my choice, Jamie," he said softly, picking his bagel apart piece by piece.

"I know, Harry. I know. Look, what you said last night about seeing the faces and feeling this guilt has been with me all night. I don't presume to have any answers for you but maybe what you need to do is think of the people whose lives you've saved in the past. You know there are many. Try to balance the faces of those you think died because of you against the faces of those that lived because of you. See which side weighs more."

Harry said nothing but continued tearing his bagel into tiny pieces, occasionally eating some. Silence reigned for a bit as the two men ate and enjoyed the stillness of the morning, until they heard a voice from the side of the house and realized Angie had arrived.

"Around back, Angie!" Nelson yelled.

"Oh, there you are, Admiral!"

"Join us for breakfast," he said as he offered her one of the bagels left in the bag. "Jamie won't mind sharing.

"Oh, I couldn't take your breakfast, sir," she said as she sat, staring in concern as she saw the bruising on Nelson's face and the swollen eye.

"Well, I'm done with breakfast. Why don't I pour us some fresh coffee? I'll be right back," he said rising stiffly from the chair.

"I can get it for…" Angie started to say.

"No. Sit. Eat. I'll be right back," he said staring pointedly at Jamieson, who started to protest. "It'll give you two time to talk."

Limping slowly inside, Nelson reached for the pot of fresh coffee and three cups. Taking his time, he slowly walked back out on the deck and knew by the set of Angie's face that Jamie had told her at least part of what had happened last night. He fervently hoped he hadn't told her all.

"Well, Admiral, Angie, as much as I would love to sit here and drink coffee all day, I have work to do. Although a refill of your coffee would hit the spot," he said smiling as Nelson refilled his paper cup.

"Go my friend and heal the wounds of your patients," Nelson said quietly.

Jamieson put a soft hand on Nelson's shoulder as he walked by and squeezed. "Call me. Or I'll track you down."

Nelson snorted. "I'm sure you will."

Angie sipped her coffee in silence for a bit, furtively studying her boss while doing so.

"Yes, Angie?" Nelson asked as he intercepted one of her looks.

Startled she looked up. "What, Admiral?"

"You keep looking at me. I assume Jamie told you what happened last night?"

"Yes, he did. Are you all right?" she asked in concern.

Nelson swirled his coffee for a bit before answering. "Yes, Angie," he said looking up at her with a slight smile designed to put her at ease. "I'm fine. Nothing that time won't heal."

"I'm just glad that monster is gone for good and he'll never be able to hurt you or anyone else again," she said with vehemence, surprising Nelson a bit who laughed quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny, Angie. I just keep being amazed by the people I surround myself with. The loyalty, friendship, devotion. I think that if Malek were standing here right now, or any of my enemies for that matter, you wouldn't hesitate to do bodily harm to them."

Angie snorted inelegantly. "You got that right, sir."

"Thank you, Miss Wood. I…appreciate that more than I can say," he said quietly. "Now, why don't we get to whatever work you've brought me and please let it be something with meat to it."

For the next two hours, Angie and Nelson worked on proposals and reports that held Nelson's attention more than some of the things she had been bringing. Maybe he had turned some kind of corner and Jamie would allow him to actually do real work sometime soon.

"Well, my time is up. I need to get back to the office and relieve Holly," Angie said rising. "Oh, um…legal sent these over for you to look at concerning my new title and duties? They want you to make sure this is what you want."

"Thanks, Angie. I'll look them over and get them back to you. Thank you once again."

"No Admiral, thank you. I always knew you valued my work and trusted me with doing what's best for you and the Institute but…well, to give me the honor and title of…"

"Angie, it's something I should have done a long time ago. Even though there are provisions in my will for when I'm…gone, there's nothing for the unexpected events that may arise. I trust you implicitly. Always have. This just confirms that to the world and any hard headed bureaucrats you may have to deal with."

"God forbid, Admiral. God forbid," she laughed. "You take it easy today. After last night's activities, you should rest."

"Yes, Doctor Wood. I will," he said saluting her.

She started to walk away then turned back quickly and gave him a hug. "I'm glad you're all right. If anything ever…I…"

Nelson wrapped his arms around her. "It's all right, Angie. I'm fine. And I plan to stay that way," he said as she pulled away, a slight blush to her cheeks as she realized what she had done. With a quick wave she was gone.

"And I plan to make sure those I care about are all right and stay that way," he added before sitting back on the deck and staring out to sea with a pensive look.

~O~

A few hours and one long nap later, Nelson was surprised to hear a knock on the door and even more surprised to see who it was.

"Jiggs!" he said with delight. "What the devil are you doing here?" He asked as his old friend entered.

"Visiting an old friend. That should be obvious, Harry! How the hell are you?"

"I'm just fine but I suspect you've been in touch with Lee or Jamie and already know that."

"Yes, well, nothing beats seeing it for myself."

"Tell me what really brings you to Santa Barbara, my friend."

"Well, I've decided to take a six-month leave from the Navy! Patricia and I are looking for a place somewhere nearby."

"Really? You think you can stay away from the Navy for that long?"

"I've been thinking long and hard about this, Harry. I'm tired of the politics and bureaucrats. And…since this is where my daughter and little granddaughters are, I get the perks of being an up close and personal grandfather. Want to see my little granddaughters grow up a little bit," he said practically busting his buttons.

"I'm happy for you, Jiggs. I really am."

"Jealous, my friend?"

"You know I am!" Nelson said slapping his old friend on the back. A pang went through him as he remembered the life he had planned with Maria. His life in many ways wasn't of his choosing.

"Look, this may not be the perfect time but, I have something I've been thinking over for awhile now and I need to discuss it with someone. Someone I trust to keep it confidential," Nelson said pointedly. "With the knowledge you'll be, let's say free, for awhile, it seems providential."

"Why does what you're saying make me feel I'm going to regret being friends with you? Or that I owe you?"

Nelson smiled sadly. "Oh, you're not going to like it. But can I count on you to not say a word to anyone about what we discuss?"

"Harry, I can't answer that until I know what it is you have going on in that devious mind of yours."

"Nope. Can't tell you until I know you'll keep my secrets. You do this and I'll forget Manila."

"You said you'd already forgotten Manila!"

"I lied. Now, how about it?"

Knowing he owed Nelson his life, he nodded. "What is it that I'm not going to like?"

"Oh, it isn't just you that's not going to like it, Jiggs," he said with a sad smile. "Not by a long shot."

A short while later, Nelson had finished telling Jiggs of his plans and as expected, he was furious that he would even consider what he was planning.

"No! Are you out of your mind? You can't do this, Harriman! You know what Crane will say and do? You can't do this. To leave yourself …no. No. I won't go along with it. There is _no_ way!"

"I know you don't understand and there's no way I can _make_ you understand. But I'm doing this. I had hoped to make it easier on my friends if I had someone I could rely onbut if you aren't going to help me, I'll have to find another way."

Jiggs stared at Nelson for a long time not knowing what to say or do. "Harriman, I know you've been through a lot lately. Give it time. It'll…"

"No Jiggs. I won't give it time. I've thought about nothing else since…since I woke up. You either help me or keep quiet," he said as he rose from the table the two men sat at and headed out the door and slowly down the path to his beloved sea where he hoped fervently he could find peace.

How long he sat on the rock staring out to sea he didn't know but he finally became aware of Jiggs standing beside him.

"If you're determined to do this, I'll help you. But I think you're playing a dangerous game. One that may get you killed."

"That may be, old friend. That may be," he said nodding sadly. "I have some plans and notes in the house. Do you have time to go over them?"

"Sure. Why not," he said sighing loudly as Nelson eased himself off the rock and headed back up the trail. "You know Crane is going to hate me more than he already does."

"Probably, Jiggs. Probably. But you can take it," he said as he slapped his friend on the back.

"Sure. Make me the bad guy. I sometimes regret ever having met you at Annapolis."

"Really? How would you have gotten through physics without me?"

"I'm quite sure I could have figured it out. Eventually."

"Well, what's done is done and whether you like it or not, we're friends so stop wishing for something that isn't going to happen."

By now the men had reached the top of the trail and had gone inside to look over the plans Nelson had been making for some time.

"Well?" Nelson asked after Jiggs placed his copious notes back down on the table.

"You're crazy! Certifiably crazy if you think this is the right thing to do!" Jiggs said hotly. "You've planned for every eventuality from your bank accounts to how the Institute will run. But you're still crazy. And selfish!" he added.

"Selfish? How am I selfish? I'm trying to keep the people I care about safe! That's not selfish!"

"What about Edith?"

Nelson struggled to control his emotions as he thought about what his plan would do to his sister. "She's one of those that could be hurt, Jiggs. I can't let it happen. You remember what could have happened with Fenton? When I'm ready, I'll call her. For now, she doesn't need to know."

"This will kill her, Harriman! All of them. You're cutting them out! They don't want to be cut out! For Pete's sake! I'm sorry I agreed to this."

"Jiggs," Harry said in a hushed tone. "I want someone I trust to be there for Lee and Chip and Angie, the Institute. Please, help me with this."

Starke looked at the torment in his friend's eyes and knew he couldn't say no. As much as he wanted to refuse, he knew Harry would do what he wanted—what he thought best. "All right, my friend. I'm going to regret it, but all right."

Nelson slapped Jiggs hard on the back. "Ah! I knew you would see it my way!"

"Didn't say I saw it your way. I said against my better judgment, I will help you in this harebrained, asinine scheme."

"Same thing," Nelson said. "Now, how about some dinner? Ordering in right now sounds like a great idea. Say yes."

"Dinner then I have to leave."

"Jiggs, thank you."

Starke sighed heavily. "You're welcome, Harriman. I still think you're wrong."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Nelson continued to improve over the next week until he got to the point where he was allowed to go to the office for a few hours a day and actually work. The first day he was allowed back, Nelson felt a tingle of excitement. Finally. He made his way to his office and stood outside the door for a minute watching as Angie quietly and efficiently answered the phone and made notes until she looked up, startled to see him standing there.

"Admiral! Oh, I'm so glad you're back!" she exclaimed as she rose quickly and walked to him, hugging him briefly.

"Here let me take your briefcase," she said as they walked to his office.

Nelson stopped for a minute as she opened the door and stared. Everything was as it had been when he had left for the conference so long ago. Papers were stacked neatly, folders lying by the phone, messages nearby. He felt a catch in his throat as he stared until he felt a soft hand on his arm and looked down to see a small smile on his secretary's—no Assistant Director's—face.

"Welcome home, Admiral," she said softly.

"Thank you, Angie," he murmured. "It's been too long."

"Yes, it has," she said sadly. "But it's all behind us now. You're here and things are going to get back to normal around here," she said brightly as she walked inside and put his brief case on his desk and turned to him. "What can I do for you first?"

"Coffee? That should be first. No one makes coffee the way you do, Miss Wood," he said with a smile as he seated himself at his desk. He ran his hands over the smooth surface, relishing the feel of it on his hands and smiled. It was good to be back. _But for how long?_ he wondered and the smile slipped from his face.

"Anything wrong, Admiral?" Angie asked, having the seen the smile slip away.

He looked up in surprise and smiled quickly. "No, Angie. No, just thinking," he said quietly.

"I'm not sure I like whatever it is you're thinking about then," she said as she handed him a steaming cup of coffee. "This is a happy time, so smile. Stop thinking of whatever it is that's made that smile of yours disappear."

"Yes ma'am," he said in mock severity. "Whatever you say. Now what's first for today? I've been told I have limited time here and I'm pretty sure Lee or Jamie will come cart me off well before I'm ready to go home."

Angie laughed happily. It was so good to have him back. "I thought we could start with these grant proposals first and then move on to these," she said as she efficiently showed Nelson what he would be doing for the next few hours.

~O~

Over the next few weeks, Nelson continued to regain his strength, his wounds healing nicely, until he was back to work full time and busy continuing the plans he knew Jiggs advised strenuously against. He took advantage of the Institute's gym where he diligently worked at strengthening his muscles for what was ahead, a fact that hadn't gone unnoticed by certain members of his command crew.

"Saw the admiral at the gym again this morning," Morton said to Crane as he sat on the edge of his friend's desk one morning.

"Working hard again was he?" Crane frowned as he looked up. "You know, he rarely ever went to that gym since he had it built, how many years ago?"

"Eight I think?"

Crane leaned back in his chair, the reports he had been working on forgotten. "It's like he's in training for something."

"Yeah? What?"

"I don't know! He's up to something and I have the sneaking suspicion we aren't going to like it at all."

"You know Starke has been around a lot lately. He and the admiral spend a lot of time in his office talking and when Starke comes out, he does not look happy."

"I'm guessing your source is our new Assistant Director?"

"Yep," Morton said, smiling broadly. He was happy the admiral had finally put into place contingencies for what would happen if Nelson became incapacitated or went missing again. Angie deserved the promotion and he knew Nelson had been thinking about it for a long time.

"What does she think is going on?"

"She won't say. You know she's loyal to the admiral. She'd do anything for him. She just mentioned Starke being around a lot and how tense he was. The admiral on the other hand seems to have turned some kind of corner. He's happier than he was in the hospital and seems to be in a better mood than when he was convalescing at home."

"Well, that stands to reason, Chip. He's back where he belongs doing what he wants to be doing. You know he even said he was going out on the re-supply mission next week."

"I heard. That's a low level cruise. I'm kind of surprised."

"Yeah. Me too," Crane said thoughtfully, his eyes unfocused and thinking.

"Hey! Earth to Crane! What's up? You catch the admiral's habit of drifting off?"

"Oh, sorry Chip I just can't help but feel he's planning something."

"As in something we're not going to like, planning?"

"Yeah. That. And if he is, he's going to be hard to catch at it."

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know, Chip. I don't know. I've never been able to outthink the admiral. I guess we wait and hope that little voice inside my head that's screaming is wrong."

~O~

By the next week, Crane was even more convinced that the admiral was planning something, but still had no clue what. The day came for the _Seaview_ to leave on the cruise to the sea lab and was ready to cast off.

Nelson watched as his crew made ready for the cruise, knowing they had everything under control but watching nonetheless.

"All's ready, Admiral."

"Take her out, Captain. I'll be in my cabin."

"Yes sir," Crane said as he watched his boss climb down to the Control Room where he was greeted by a chorus of "Welcome backs" and "It's great to see you back, sir!"

Nelson accepted his men's congratulations with a touch of embarrassment mixed with gratitude and walked slowly to his cabin, stopping every once in awhile to talk with a crewman or inspect a part of his boat. Finally, he reached the sanctity of his cabin and walked in, staring about it for a long moment.

A feeling of deep sadness filled him as he realized it would be the last time he would be on his beloved _Seaview. _The thought filled him with such despair that he briefly thought of changing all the plans he had set in motion— until the faces came to him again. The dead eyes staring at him, the bullet-ridden bodies, the cries, the feeling of his wife's life fading away in his arms and lastly Lee's unseeing eyes staring at him and he knew he couldn't go had to do what he had planned no matter what it cost him. And he knew it would cost him plenty: friends, a home, his lifelong work, his beautiful _Seaview_.

He walked to his desk and sat down heavily, his eyes wandering about the place he called home. He clasped his hands together, resting his head on them and tried hard to gather his emotions, but was unsuccessful and for a time he gave in to the misery he felt at what he had chosen to do. There was no going back. Things were in motion now. Certain people knew what he planned and were sworn to secrecy: Jiggs, his financial advisor James Wellford, Admiral Roy Park, Lucius Emory, and a close friend living in San Diego, Dave Lawson. All had agreed reluctantly to help him, as Jiggs had.

His heart broke at what was ahead, at how he knew Lee and Chip and Sharkey and Angie and Edith as well as so many others would react, but there was no turning back. For his own piece of mind and their safety, he had to go on with his plans.

~O~

The cruise was as uneventful as Nelson knew it would be and he was somewhat sad to know there were no fires to be put out so to speak, no problems waiting for him to solve. He found solace on his beloved Observation Nose—his front porch—and watched the sea from a chair by the large windows.

"We'll be home in less than twelve hours, Admiral," Crane said as he opened the doors to the Observation Nose and walked through before closing them again.

"That's good, Lee. It was a good cruise. No problems. A bit short but it was good to be back," he said as he smiled at his young friend who was staring at him in scrutiny.

"Yes. It was short but in a few weeks we start that mission for the Navy to inspect the missile silos along the Pacific Coast. That won't be a short cruise," he said with a laugh. "Or a fun one."

"No it won't be fun, Lee," Nelson said quietly as he turned his focus back to the ocean before him.

Crane stared at Nelson in concern. The man was staring out the windows, stroking his neck and lost in thought again, a sad look on his craggy face.

"Admiral?"

Startled from his musings, Nelson looked up at his captain. "Yes, Lee?"

"Are you all right? Really? I thought, you being on board again, you'd stop the daydreams, the drifting away from us."

"I don't know what you mean," Nelson said in confusion. "What daydreams?"

"You drift away sometimes and a sad look comes over your face. It's…scaring me."

Nelson laughed heartily. "Oh Lee, I don't mean to scare you. I'm just planning the future! The Institute, _Seaview. _Just lots of plans going around in my head. I've had a lot of time to think lately. That's all!"

"That's what scares me, sir. You and time on your hands. And a guilty conscience," he added softly, staring hard at Nelson to see his reaction.

Nelson's face darkened as he heard Lee's words and he turned away. "You think I shouldn't have a guilty conscience, Lee? Perhaps you think I should just forget what happened? Men died…families…"

"Stop! I've heard it before and I don't want to hear it again. You aren't responsible!" Crane said as he grabbed a chair and sat in it, staring hard at his friend.

Nelson sighed heavily and closed his eyes to the pain he felt. "I can't make you understand, Lee. I'm sorry I'm making you mad but it's what I feel. And no matter what happens in the future I…"

"You what?' he asked when Nelson stopped.

"Nothing, Lee. Nothing. I'm tired. I think I'm going to head to bed," he said softly, rising slowly from his chair and patting Crane on the shoulder as he went by him. "Good night."

Crane watched him climb the spiral staircase to his cabin and saw the unhappiness on the man's face as he walked slowly up the stairs. Shaking his head in puzzlement and concern, Lee turned his gaze out the windows where he sat for a long time thinking and worrying.

~O~

As the day for the mission to check the missile silos approached, Nelson let it be known that he was planning a big cookout on the Institute grounds to thank all the members of the Institute and the crew of the _Seaview_ for their continued service, friendship and loyalty, something he had done before in the past to the delight of everyone.

"Everything set for the cookout tomorrow, Angie?" Nelson asked happily as he entered his office the day before the event.

"Yes, sir! All the food has been ordered, entertainment's set, games for the kids are ready…I can't think of anything that needs doing," she said, pleased to be planning a happy occasion for once.

"Good. I knew you could pull it all together," he said smiling at her in appreciation.

"Well, I have to do something to earn that title you gave me, sir," she said with a grin.

"Ha! This isn't the reason you earned that title, Miss Wood and you know it. But I thank you for all your hard work," he said seriously.

~O~

The next day dawned bright and clear with a gentle breeze bringing the scent of the sea to the people gathered on the Institute grounds. Families spread blankets on the lawn and played games of Frisbee or lawn darts or any of the numerous games that had been prepared. Nelson strolled the grounds contentedly watching the people that were a huge part of the Institute play, eat and enjoy themselves.

"Admiral, this sure is a swell party, sir!" Nelson turned to see Chief Sharkey and Seamen Kowalski and Patterson holding plates that were bulging with food.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it, Chief! How about you two? Enough food and fun?" he asked the two men that had become very important to him in the past few years since joining him on _Seaview_.

"More than enough, sir! I'm having a blast," Kowalski said loudly, munching on a burger the size of his head.

"Me too, sir," added Patterson in more subdued voice.

Ah, Patterson…always the quiet, steady one. How he was going to miss these men. "Well, there's plenty more to enjoy and plenty of food," he said as he patted Sharkey on the shoulder and continued his amble around his people.

Stopping for a moment, Nelson stared out at the crystal blue sea below the bluff the Institute sat on and lost himself in his thoughts for a time as he watched the gentle surf tenderly kiss the beach below.

"Harriman?"

Turning at the call, he saw Jiggs behind him, his hands clasped behind his back and rocking gently, a sure sign he was agitated. "Jiggs? Not enjoying the party?"

"I would be except I know the reason for it," he said sadly.

"Don't, Jiggs. Not today. Today is for them," he said gesturing to the crowd. "Today I want to forget."

"Guess that means you're still going through with your crazy scheme?"

"I can't turn back now. I won't," he said in vehemence. "No matter how much it hurts."

"Hurts who? You? Them?" he said gesturing to the people enjoying themselves behind him.

"Yes, Jiggs. Them and me," he said as he continued his stroll, Jiggs by his side, both unaware they were being watched by Crane and Morton.

"They seem to be angry with each other," Morton said as he saw the exchange from afar.

"No. Starke seems to be angry. The admiral seems…resigned. I wish I knew what he was up to."

The day continued on in the same fashion until the sun began to sink into the ocean that began to pick up the gentle hues of what was going to be a fantastic sunset. The employees and family members began drifting to their cars after spending a bit of time saying good-bye to the admiral who watched them with a sad smile.

The grounds were bathed in the light from a full moon a bit later that evening. A solitary figure sat on a bench overlooking the _Seaview_ as she bobbed at her surface dock, his eyes never leaving her.

"She's quite a sight in the full moon isn't she, sir?"

Turning, he saw Lee staring at his creation with a small smile on his face "Yes, Lee. She is. She's a beauty in any light," Nelson said wistfully. If he hadn't known it before, he knew it now that he had chosen well in _Seaview's_ captain.

"Sit, Lee," Nelson said. "We can admire her together."

"You know I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at her," Lee said as he sat beside Nelson.

"Nor will I. Nor will I," he said a bit pensively. Silence filled the night air for a bit as the wind blew softly from the ocean and carried with it a tinge of salt air. Suddenly, Nelson slapped Lee on the leg and leaned forward. "You know, I've been thinking of taking _The Folly_ out for a little sail. Would you care to join me? Perhaps this weekend? We could sail out to Catalina? Do some fishing? Just be sailboat tramps for a few days."

"I'd like that, sir. I haven't been sailing in a long time. It'd be great!"

"Fine, then let's do it. Do you think Chip would like to join us?"

"I don't know of anything he has planned, except work that is."

"Ah, still catching up from my absence is he? That explains why I haven't had as much on my desk as I thought should have been there. Well, that will never do. We'll kidnap him if we have to," he said laughing lightly. "Deal?"

Crane smiled at the infectious laughter of the admiral. "Deal, sir."

"We'll leave off work early, say lunchtime on Friday, head out and be back sometime Sunday."

"That sounds like a plan."

"Good. You work on getting Chip to come and I'll take care of stocking the boat and making sure she's ready to go," Nelson said staring out at his boat once more with a small smile. _One last time, he thought. Just once more then…_

~O~

Friday noontime arrived with Lee and Chip eagerly entering Nelson's office dressed for a sailing weekend to see Angie still sitting at her desk, busily working. Looking up when she heard them come in, she smiled broadly at them.

"Well hello sailors! Come here often?" she joked.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Crane said with a big smile. "Is he in?"

"He is in and ready to go," she said with a huge smile on her face. "You know I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. This is going to be good for him."

"It's going to be fantastic, Angie," Nelson said from the doorway of his office. "Just the three of us on the open sea, fishing and eating our catch! Heaven," he said with big smile.

"And what if you don't, um, catch anything, sir?" she asked with an impish smile.

"Not catch anything? Are you daft? Not catch…she obviously doesn't know us, gentlemen!"

"Yeah, well, what if we don't catch anything?" Chip asked in concern.

"Well, then we'll simply enjoy the thick steaks already packed away in the freezer on board. Would I let you starve, Mr. Morton?" he asked, slapping him on the shoulder as he strolled to the door.

Turning back, he pointed a finger at Angie. "Angie, don't be long. It's the weekend! If we can leave early, so can you. Go and enjoy yourself," he ordered as he left the room.

Lee, Chip and Angie all stared at each other in amazement at the admiral's good mood for a bit then shrugged and the two officers headed out the door to follow their boss.

The three men sailed the waters to Catalina Island in Nelson's 40 foot sailing sloop easily, enjoying the wind and sea spray in their faces and the camaraderie. Finding a mooring spot was a bit difficult but Nelson managed to find one and paid the mooring fees quickly. Hurrying back to his boat, he nimbly climbed aboard and stared at his officers who were lounging on the deck with the sun on their faces.

"This feels so good," Lee said. "I could stay here forever."

"Yes well, I'm hungry," Chip said grumpily. "When are we eating?"

"Two choices, men," Nelson said. "One, we cook for ourselves or two, we head to the steakhouse and indulge in having someone else cook for us."

"I'm all up for having someone cook for us," Lee said yawning.

"Me too," Chip said.

"Well, let's be off then. I have reservations for us in fifteen minutes," he said laughing at their puzzled looks.

The men went off to the nearby restaurant and indulged in thick, juicy steaks and then walked to the nearby Catalina Jack's Saloon where they enjoyed a few drinks before heading back to the boat where they slept the sleep of the tired.

The next day, Nelson was up early and had a big breakfast already cooking by the time Lee and Chip were up.

"Eat up, gentlemen. And when you're finished we'll head out and do some fishing or swimming or whatever you two want."

The day went quickly as the three fished the waters off the island and caught just enough for their dinner. When they'd had enough of fishing, they took turns jumping into the cool water and swimming lazily or grabbed the snorkeling equipment the admiral had on board and chased after brightly colored fish that had eluded being their dinner.

The sun was beginning to set when the admiral expertly steered the sailboat back to their mooring spot and enlisted Lee and Chip's help in cleaning their catch before beginning to head below to prepare the dinner.

"Admiral! Let us do the cooking," Lee complained. "You already made us breakfast and lunch."

"My boat, my choice, and I choose to do the cooking. You two however are welcome to do the cleaning up afterwards," he said, laughing at the disgusted look on Chip's face.

Dinner was eaten in companionable silence, each man enjoying the expertly prepared fish and side dishes the admiral had prepared. Although he rarely had the time to cook, Nelson enjoyed it thoroughly and was quite an excellent chef in his own right.

Placing his empty plate near Chip, Nelson leaned back and stared up at the stars just beginning to wink in the clear sky and sighed contentedly.

"_For my part I know nothing with any certainty, _

_But the sight of the stars makes me dream,"_ Nelson whispered, then looked to his companions. "Van Gogh."

"_The toe of the star-gazer is often stubbed,"_ Chip countered. Shrugging he smiled and said, "Russian Proverb."

Both men turned to Lee who gazed back at them.

"_Star light, star bright…_?" he said laughing at their disgusted snorts.

"Right, well these dishes aren't getting done are they," Lee said gathering up the plates, glasses and utensils and disappearing below to clean up, Chip on his heels.

"He seems a lot happier. Don't you think, Lee?" Chip asked when they were out of earshot of the admiral, who lay staring at the stars, a contemplative look on his face.

"Maybe, Chip. But sometimes I catch him looking at us like he's never going to see us again and wants to memorize our faces."

"I think you're imagining things," Chip said as he dried the dishes Lee washed.

"You think I'm just looking for something?"

"I don't know. He's been happy. I haven't seen him drifting off to dream world lately, have you?"

"No. But I'll let you in on something," Lee whispered conspiratorially as he pulled something from his pocket and showed it to Chip.

"What is it?"

"A homing beacon. I'm putting it on board. Somewhere he won't find it."

"Why?"

"I just want to make sure we know where he is, or at least _The Folly_, in case."

"In case what?"

"I don't know. I just get the feeling he's made some kind of decision and I want to make sure it isn't to just disappear."

"Come on, Lee! He'd never do that! Why would you think that?" Chip asked trying to keep his voice quiet.

Crane shook his head. "Just a feeling. I don't know. But if he is and takes _The Folly_ we'll know," he said as he placed the beacon in an out of the way corner cabinet.

The two men finished up and went up on deck to see Nelson in the same position as when they had gone below. The pensive look on his face changed rapidly to one of contentment when the two came back.

"Any plans, gentlemen?" Nelson asked quietly.

"Plans? Sir?" Lee asked, afraid he had been caught.

"For the rest of the night! We leave tomorrow afternoon. That gives us tonight and tomorrow morning."

"Well, I'm all up for going back to that bar we were at last night," Chip said with a small smile, the others knowing he wanted to renew acquaintances with a certain customer and laughed.

"Sounds good to me," Lee laughed. "Admiral?"

"I would just get in the way of your, um, pursuits. I think I'll just stay here and watch the stars, maybe read.

"Are you certain, Admiral? I saw a few ladies looking longingly in your direction last night," Lee said with a big smile.

Nelson snorted. "Probably wondered where I found two handsome young scamps as yourselves," he said laughing, remembering with a brief smile the ladies he spoke of.

"If you're sure, we'll be off," Lee said trying to catch up to Chip who was already down the dock and headed to the Saloon.

Nelson smiled as he watched them sauntering down the dock, young ladies turning to watch them as they passed by. "Ah youth," he whispered.

The night had faded to early morning when Nelson, contentedly reading below, heard the thud of something hitting the deck above and went up to see his captain and executive officer apparently intoxicated and trying hard to get back on board quietly.

"Shhh, you'll wake the admiral," Chip whispered loudly.

"I'm not making noise, you are," Lee whispered back as he tried unsuccessfully to climb over the side of the boat.

"You're both making noise gentlemen and I wasn't asleep," Nelson said as he climbed to the deck and helped them back on board. "You're back earlier than I thought you would be."

"Yes, well, it was a slow night," Chip said as he threw himself into a chair.

"He means, Admiral, that the lady of his dreams wasn't there so he got blind drunk," Lee said.

"And your excuse would be?"

"I had to keep up with him, sir! Couldn't let him have all the fun."

"I rather suspect you two won't find it fun in the morning but at least you didn't cause any trouble. Why don't you both go below and sleep," he said helping them both to their feet and steadying them as they swayed.

"Yes sir!" Chip said loudly, saluting his commanding officer and going below.

"What he said. Sir," Lee said before he too disappeared below.

Nelson smiled as he watched them go below but it dropped from his face as he remembered this was the last time the three of them would be together like this and his heart clenched. Perhaps he was wrong to plan what he was. How was he going to say good-bye? Throwing himself into a chair, Nelson leaned his head back and stared at the stars, his mind racing, searching for some excuse to not go through with his plan, but he kept seeing the faces…Lee's face…Maria's face…and he knew he had no choice. He had to keep on as much as he wanted it to be different.

The next day, Lee and Chip staggered from below to see Nelson sound asleep on a chair on the deck, a bottle of bourbon and a glass by his side. They blinked in the bright sun and cursed their foolishness from the night before as the sun bore painfully through their closed eyelids.

"I told you the morning wouldn't be any fun," Nelson said with a laugh as he lifted his head from the back of the chair to peruse his hung over friends.

"Don't talk so loudly," Chip whispered as he held his head.

"What he said," Lee echoed.

Nelson struggled to get out of his chair and stopped as he swayed unsteadily. "I'll go make us lots of coffee," he said as he wobbled below.

"I think the admiral had his own party last night," Chip said smiling.

"Maybe. He should have asked us to join him."

"You two were already asleep when my, uh, party started," Nelson yelled from below then cursed as pain exploded in his head. "Damn fool," he whispered to himself at his foolishness.

A few minutes later, Nelson came back on deck with coffee and bagels only to find his officers asleep again. Smiling he reached out with a foot and kicked the nearest leg causing Lee to jump. "What the..?"

"Sorry Lee," he said. "Didn't see your foot there. Here. Coffee," he said handing a cup and a bagel to each of his men. "Eat. It'll help."

The three men passed the morning trying to recover from the night before. They ate lunch aboard then cast off and, after a quick swim on the way back, headed on to Santa Barbara, arriving at _The Folly's_ slip in the early evening.

"Well, Admiral that was fun," Lee said having by now recovered from the drinking of the night before.

"Yes sir. We should do that again sometime," Chip said.

"Yes. Yes, we'll have to do that again," Nelson said quietly, studiously avoiding their eyes.

"Let us help get things back in order, Admiral," Lee said as Nelson began to clean the deck and put things away.

"Nope gentlemen…my boat. I'll clean her," he said with a smile. "Why don't you two head home or wherever to spend what's left of the weekend?"

"If you're sure," Lee said.

"Yes, Lee. Go," he said shooing them off his boat.

He watched wistfully as his men, his friends, walked up the dock and headed to their cars. "Good-bye Lee, Chip. I hope you'll forgive me someday," he whispered before getting back to his cleaning.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_Thanks for all the reviews! They're greatly appreciated!_

The day came when _Seaview_ was ready for the trip to inspect the missile silos off the coast. Lee entered Nelson's office in a hurry, anger on his face.

"Is he in?" he asked Angie who looked up in surprise.

"Yes, he's… Lee! Wait!"

But Crane was already in the office of his superior, ignoring for the moment the sight of Admiral Roy Park standing by Nelson's desk.

"Just what is this about you not going on the inspection with us?" he asked angrily.

"Good morning, Lee. How are you today?" Nelson countered, his face blank.

"Cut the crap. Sir. What's going on?"

"What's going on is I have too much work to do to go out on this cruise. Admiral Park here has consented to go in my stead."

"Too much work?"

"Yes. I'm still trying to catch up on things I got behind on when I was hospitalized. You, Chip and the others all did a great job with things but there are just some things I need to do on my own. And they can't wait any longer."

"But…"

"Lee, this is just one cruise," he said, knowing it was a lie. "Admiral Park is quite capable of seeing it through. It isn't as though he hasn't been on board before."

"I know, sir but…you haven't been on a long cruise in a while. I thought you might…."

"Next one, Lee," Nelson said stiffly. "Now if there's nothing more, Roy and I have some things to go over."

"Yes sir. I'll see you on board tomorrow morning 0800 hours?" he asked turning to Park who nodded.

"0800, Captain."

When Lee left, Park turned to Nelson who stared at the closed door forlornly. "I sure hope you know what you're doing, Harry. That man admires you greatly. You do this and you're going to lose that. Him."

"I know, Roy. Believe me I know."

~O~

The next day, Nelson stood by the dock as the men loaded supplies onboard his beloved _Seaview,_ a wistful look on his face.

"All's ready, sir," Lee said coming up behind him. "Men and supplies are onboard."

"Good, Lee. Have a great cruise," he said placing his hand on Crane's arm and squeezing it. "Be safe."

"Of course! It's an easy cruise," he said smiling. "Admiral, I…I'm sorry about yesterday. It just caught me by surprise that you weren't going out with us."

"Don't worry about it, Lee. I understand. You've been worrying about me too much lately."

"Me? Worry?" he jested, causing Nelson to laugh lightly.

"We're ready to cast off," Chip Morton said coming to stand by Nelson and Crane, unsure what the two men found funny.

"The sooner we get out there the sooner we get back. Admiral? Try not to finish all that paperwork, OK? Relax some," he said as he reached out a hand to Nelson who grasped it tightly.

"I will, Lee. Chip? Keep him out of trouble, eh? Have a good cruise," he said as he shook Morton's hand also. "Good-bye men."

Nelson stood watching as Lee and Chip stood on the bridge, staring at him standing below. He waved to them briefly and smiled as they saluted him then, with his heart aching, watched as his creation, his dream, slowly headed out to the open sea and on to its mission. He'd always considered himself to be a strong person, but as he watched his creation sail away without him, knowing he would never sail on her again, he felt himself grow weak. His eyes clouded as he watched her slide slowly through the water, knowing it was for the last time: the last time he would see her and them.

He was lost in his morose thoughts for a time until he felt a hand descend on his shoulder. "I hope you're rethinking your scheme."

Turning he saw Jiggs Starke before him. "No Jiggs. I'm not. This is the way it has to be. As much as it's killing me, it's what's going to be. It's the only way I know to keep them safe. No matter what, this is the way it's going to be."

"When?"

"A few days before they're due back, I'll take _The Folly_ and head to San Diego. From there…I don't really know."

"Would you tell me if you knew?"

"No. Probably not," he said sighing heavily. "I'll keep in touch with you. You have my radio frequency if there are any emergencies."

"Will you keep the name _The Folly_?"

"No. I'll change that when I get to San Diego. Dave Lawson will help with that," he said mentioning a mutual friend they had both served with.

"Changing the name of a boat is bad luck, Harry."

Nelson snorted and looked at his friend who was serious. "You believe in that nonsense?"

"Maybe. Just saying."

~O~

The next two weeks passed far too quickly for Nelson as he worked night and day to ready everything for his departure. He got caught up on the paperwork and even several things that didn't need to be done for a while. Letters to Edith, Lee, Chip, Jamie, Sharkey and Angie as well as some of the senior ratings were written and in Jiggs' care to be presented when they realized what he had done. He didn't envy Jiggs having to be in the same room as his friends when they found out.

When he knew _Seaview_ was on her way back from the cruise, he began to prepare _The Folly_, and himself, for the trip ahead. Food was stocked onboard, instruments and all lines and sails were checked out thoroughly. His plan was to leave Santa Barbara and head south to San Diego where he would change the name of _The Folly_ and then head…somewhere. No place seemed to call him and it irked him that when he finally had all the time in the world to go where he wanted, he had no place that called to him.

A few days before _Seaview_ was due back, Nelson readied his office and hesitated as he looked about. His office would no longer be his, but Roy Park's. His secretary—Assistant Director—would no longer be his, but Roy's. The thought of what he was doing and all it was going to cost him began to overwhelm him and he struggled to regain control.

He stalked to the windows lining one wall of his office and stared out at the docks below, the docks where his precious _Seaview_ would soon be moored. Was he doing the right thing? What if Lee and Chip needed him? Or Edith? What if…He hastily stopped the line his thoughts were taking and turned away. Jiggs would contact him if there were any problems and he would stay in contact, in time, so they wouldn't worry.

Knowing it was time to go; he grabbed his coat, hat and briefcase and left his office, closing the door softly behind him.

"Going home, sir?" Angie asked brightly.

"Yes, Angie. I thought I would take _The Folly_ out for a few days. _Seaview_ will be back soon. I've left all the work I've finished on my desk. Hopefully, I got far enough ahead. I don't want Lee or Chip to have any more work to do."

"Well, you have fun, sir. And keep in touch. Are you sure you don't want to ask one of the men to go long? Kowalski didn't go on the cruise because of that fall he took down the stairs. Doc didn't want him on board. I'm sure…"

"No Angie. I'll be going alone." At the surprised look on her face at his tone, he smiled and said softly, "I'm sorry, Angie. That was uncalled for. I…I just want some time alone."

"Of course, I understand," she said confused by his manner. "Sir, are you all right?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"You just look like someone that's about to do something they don't want, not someone going off on a little vacation."

"I'm sorry, Angie. I'm just thinking if I have everything done. That's all," he said with a reassuring smile.

"If you say so."

He started to walk to the door then stopped and turned back. "Angie…I…I want you to know how much you…and what you do for the Institute means to me. I'm glad I hired you and I only wish I had given you the promotion much sooner."

"Sir, I love working here. I didn't need a promotion. Besides, I've always known what you think of my work. And me."

"I'm glad. I don't think I tell people what I think of them too often. At least not when it's in a good way," he said with a smile. "I…I want you to know that if anything were to happen, that I…I…care about you and…well, good-bye, Angie. Don't stay long tonight. Get out of the office early if you can."

"I will, Admiral. But…are you sure you're all right?"

Plastering as bright a smile on his face as he could, he assured her he was fine before heading out the door, not hearing her quiet, hesitant, "Good night, sir."

In the hall he stopped and leaned his head against the wall. That had been so much harder than he had thought it would be. He cared about these people. And because he did he had to disappear from their lives. He knew it, but it hurt like hell. Standing tall again, he headed off, hoping he wasn't making the wrong choices and that his friends would forgive him.

~O~

Harry Nelson headed to his house where he had everything prepared and waiting. He took off his uniform one last time and hung it carefully on a hanger before dressing in civilian clothes, satisfied his clothes and other possessions would be taken care of in time by Jiggs, who had agreed to live at the house while he was on leave from the Navy. After that, he wasn't sure what would happen to the house he had built overlooking the ocean. He tried hard not to think of that.

Sighing deeply, he opened another closet and stared at the dress uniform hanging inside, touching the braid and ribbons softly, reverently. That part of his life was over, he thought sadly. The Institute, his career, his dreams were all finished. All that lay ahead of him that he could see were long days of nothingness: no work, no friends, no dreams.

Slamming the door shut, he gathered up the bags he had packed and headed for the docks and his new home—_The Folly_—arriving quickly. He left the keys in the car for Jiggs to pick up when he could and climbed aboard, went below and stowed his bags in the bow bedroom. Reaching into his shirt pocket, he pulled out two pictures, one of Lee, Chip and himself taken on Catalina and the other of his sister Edith, and tacked them to the starboard bulkhead in the living area, letting his fingers linger on the likenesses briefly.

Staring at them in sadness for a moment, he whispered, "Forgive me."Closing his eyes briefly, he sighed then headed to the deck and checked to make sure all was ready for departure. He started to cast off the lines but stopped and looked up the hill towards the Institute he'd built when everyone said he was crazy. He'd designed and created _Seaview_…Nelson's Folly…when everyone called him a fool. What would they say about him now?

Turning his gaze up towards his office, he spotted a slight figure standing on the veranda by his office and knew it was Angie Wood. Did she know? Did she suspect? He fervently hoped not. Knowing he saw her, she raised a hand and waved tentatively. After a few seconds, he waved back and watched her for a moment; feeling overwhelmed once more by his choice. He had to keep them safe—Lee, Chip, even Angie could be felled sometime by someone after him. That he would never be able to survive. Lowering his head, he squeezed his eyes closed and turned away. It had to be. All the plans were made. There was nothing left but to implement them. With that he cast off the lines and motored slowly out, headed towards his first stop in San Diego. He glanced back and saw Angie still on the veranda watching him and his heart ached at what her response was going to be to what he had done.

~O~

The trip to San Diego was uneventful and Nelson expertly sailed his boat into the marina at the San Diego Yacht Club having been a member there for several years and moored his boat, securing it quickly.

"Well, you old sea dog you! If it isn't Harry Nelson!"

Nelson stood and looked about to see who had called him and saw the friend he had been hoping would show up.

"Dave Lawson! I was hoping you would meet me!"

"You told me when you left Santa Barbara. Didn't take much to figure out when you would be arriving. Get over here and let me look at you!"

Nelson smiled and jumped to the dock, walking quickly to his old friend, who stared at him closely. "You look tired, my friend. Sure this is what you want?"

"No, but it's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to let the people I care about be caught in the crosshairs any more. It's for the best."

"Well, you always had a hard head. If you're going to do this, I'll help you. Come on. My car's up this way. We'll go to my house," he said grabbing Nelson's arm and pulling him along.

They drove a short distance to Dave's house overlooking the water and grabbed a few beers before heading to his deck.

"So, you're all set for changing the name of _The Folly_ tomorrow morning. Any idea what the new name is going to be?"

Nelson smirked. "How about _The Icarus_?"

"Really? Icarus? Guy that flew too close to the sun with wings of wax? Some think Icarus was a prideful fool. You think hubris caused all this? All these problems you feel you have? Harry, you _are_ a prideful man but the only thing causing your problems is evil, plain and simple. And whether you believe it or not, running away is not going to change anything. From what I've heard of those boys of yours, they will turn the world upside down to find you. Or die trying. Talk about irony! Think about it, Harry!"

"That's all I have thought about, Dave! It's what I see when I close my eyes and when I wake up! I see them, all of them. And I don't want there to be more. I don't want it to be Lee or Chip. I don't want their faces to join the others. I won't _let_ it."

Silence filled the early evening night as the two sat staring out at the marina. "All right. I'll keep your secret," Dave said wearily. "Tell me what you need."

"All the paper work for the name change is complete. Just have to actually change the name," Harry said.

"Harry, you do know it's bad luck to change the name of a boat, don't you?"

"You too?" he snorted. "Dave, you don't believe that superstition do you?"

"Me? No! I just thought you might want to appease Poseidon. You know, physically change the name out of port, champagne over the bow? That stuff and nonsense."

Nelson laughed. "If it will make you happy, I will appease Poseidon. All right?"

"Good. How about your finances? Everything settled for what you're going to be living on in the future?"

"My personal accounts from my inheritance and inventions have been in a Swiss account for years ever since a few attacks on my bank accounts were attempted. I'll make withdrawals as I need and pay cash for what I can. Nothing from the Swiss accounts is traceable."

"In theory," Dave added.

"In theory," he agreed.

"You know I've heard you have an Executive Officer that's a whiz at computers. Any chance he could make those accounts traceable?"

"I've thought about that but I don't think he will take that step. At least I hope not," he said pensively. "Anyway, all the Institute accounts have been left as they are with the exception of who accesses them and has control over them. I've left Lee and Chip in charge of those along with Roy Park."

"That should be enough protection for finances. You sure the Institute will keep functioning without you?"

Nelson was quiet for a long time. "I hope so, Dave. God I hope so. We have contracts through the coming year so that shouldn't be a problem. I've made sure the contracts are unbreakable. Hopefully, once people see the Institute can continue as it has over the years even though I'm not there, everything will be fine."

"You put so little value on your presence, Harry? People trust you, not Roy or your golden boys."

"I can't think about that or control it, Dave. It's the way it's going to be."

"OK, then."

"One other thing I need. My sails are kind of distinctive. How hard would it be to fix me up with some plain white Dacron sails? Quickly?"

"I have a friend that can take care of that. Probably be done tomorrow morning. I'll give him a call and tell him what slip you're in."

"I appreciate it, Dave."

"Well, my friend, you seem set on this. I'm sure Jiggs has tried to talk you out of this and if he can't, I might as well stop trying. Now, how about I make that call and we head to dinner? I know this great place just down the road. Best steaks and prettiest waitresses ever!"

Nelson laughed and slapped his old friend on the back. "Sounds good my friend," he said with a sad tinge to his voice as he knew it would be the last time for awhile that he would be with someone he considered a friend.

~O~

The next day, Nelson initiated the changing of the name of his boat. He took her, along with Dave, offshore a bit and removed the name _The Folly_ and added the name _The Icarus_ to his boat, effectively cutting the chances he would be found. Standing on the bow, he took a bottle of champagne, opened it and poured it over the bow.

"There. Is that all right with you?" Nelson asked, turning back to Dave with his arms spread wide.

"It's fine with me, Harry. It was Poseidon you needed to appease. You know the horror stories of people that indiscriminately change the names of their boats without asking Poseidon!"

"I have never actually heard of any of those stories being true Dave, but it's done," he said with a laugh. "I think you just wanted to go for a sail and tricked me into this."

"Nope. I did my research. '_Don't change the name physically in port, appease Poseidon with champagne, remove all evidence of the name, logs etc. from the boat'._ Superstition perhaps but why take chances?"

The two men spent the rest of the day sailing offshore and enjoying each other's company until late in the afternoon, Harry spotted a sight he hadn't thought he would see again: _Seaview. _He stared at her as she cruised northward not far from his position and tried to ignore the pain he felt at seeing her. The cruise must have gone well for them to be coming home already and he knew he needed to leave San Diego soon.

"She's a beauty, Harry. I've always envied you being on that boat. How can you give it up?"

"It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Dave," Nelson whispered in a choked voice as he watched her. "The absolute hardest thing."

Harry knew his time in San Diego was over and he made final preparations to his boat, making sure the new sails were installed properly, touching up the blue trim on his boat with red, and stocking his galley with a few more items. When he was satisfied the boat was as ready as it was going to get, he went off with Dave to spend his final night for a while on shore.

~O~

The next day dawned bright and clear with a steady breeze from the northwest.

"So where are you going, Harry? South?"

"No actually I thought I would go north. Not sure how far."

"North! No one sails north this time of year, you know that. Prevailing winds…"

"I know all about the winds and the fact I'm going to need to motor most of the way. But, no one will expect that from me, will they," he said with a slight smile.

"Make sure you have enough fuel for that. Winds aren't going to be easy to come by."

"Already loaded extra fuel on board and mapped out all the marinas where I can get more."

"All right, my friend. Can you let me know how you are? That you're safe?"

"I will, Dave. Oh, say there's one more thing you can do for me," he said pulling something from his pocket. "Do you know any boats heading south today?"

"Um…yeah," he said after a moment's thought. "Friends of mine are sailing down to Ecuador. They're leaving in a few hours I think. Why?"

"Do you think you could manage to put this on board for me? Maybe in the head?" he asked, handing him the tracking device Lee had secreted on board. "I knew Lee would try something like this. It didn't take me long to find it."

"A tracking device? Your boys don't trust you, Harry," he said taking it. "Consider it done! I was heading over there to say good-bye anyway."

"Thanks, Dave. If I ever get back this way, I'll make sure to stop by. You take care and thank you for what you've done."

"Didn't do anything, Harry. Wish I could have talked you out of this but your plans are your own I suppose. Just be safe," he said drawing Harry into a bear hug.

"I will," he said returning the hug tightly, knowing it might be the last contact he had with others for awhile. Jumping aboard, he cast off and motored out of the harbor and on to new ports.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

While Nelson was heading for new ports, _Seaview_ was reaching her old port. Although the cruise hadn't been tough, it had been boring work for them and they happily awaited shore leave. Admiral Jiggs Starke was pacing Nelson's office in agitation having watched _Seaview_ dock. Crane and Morton would be here tomorrow morning for the meeting he had called, and he was dreading the news he had to give the young officers. He'd told Harry more than once that Crane wasn't right for _Seaview_ but he had been wrong. Harry had chosen well in his officers and he hated to be the one that told them what their commanding officer, friend and mentor had done; what steps he had taken to ensure their safety from his enemies.

Early the next day, Jiggs was still pacing as he waited for those he had asked to assemble in the meeting room next to Harry's office. Lucius Emery and Roy Park were already seated at the table, anxiously nursing cups of coffee as they awaited the others. At precisely 0800 hours, Lee Crane, Chip Morton, Dr. Will Jamieson, Chief Francis Sharkey and Angie Wood, descended on the room questioning what was going on.

"Admiral Starke, what's this all about?" Crane demanded. "Why are you calling a meeting on NIMR grounds? And where is Admiral Nelson?"

"Please sit all of you and I will answer your questions."

"Has something happened to the admiral? He left on _The Folly_ Friday and was supposed to be back yesterday. Has something happened to him?" Angie asked with more than a touch of worry in her voice.

"Please, if you sit we can get to it," Jiggs said waiting until everyone was seated and looking at him anxiously.

"This is not an easy thing for me to tell you but…Harriman is gone…"

"What?"

"What happened?"

"Where…"

"Please let me rephrase that," Starke amended at the worried chorus of voices. "Harriman has decided, against the best advice of several people, to disappear. He…"

"What? How can he do something…?

"Gentlemen, and Miss Wood, this will go a lot faster if I am allowed to talk. Then you may scream, throw things, whatever," he said waiting until they calmed down.

"As you all know, Harriman has been under a tremendous amount of stress and guilt over what happened with Malek. A lot more than I think any of us truly knew. He's tired of having people die to protect him and has taken steps to ensure that won't happen again."

"What steps?" Crane asked apprehensively, a pit forming in his stomach.

"He has effectively, disappeared. Where he is and where he will be I don't know. He's taken precautions with the Institute to ensure it continues on as it has except he will no longer be the head. Lucius Emory and Admiral Roy Park have agreed to perform the duties Harriman would have and I have been asked to help any way I can while I'm on leave. The Institute finances are secure; projects have been locked in for the foreseeable future and…"

"Damn it, sir! What the hell is he thinking? Doesn't he know the risk he's taking?" Crane said as he rose and began to pace. "All alone with no protection? No way to contact him? Wait…is there a way to contact him? He wouldn't just leave and end all contact." He turned to Starke. "You know how to get in touch. Don't you?"

"Yes, but I won't initiate it. For now at least. This is what he wants and as much as I've told him what I think, he hasn't listened."

"He must have something big over you to get you to agree to this. Sir," Morton said staring at him with cold blue eyes.

"Just my life, Commander Morton. I owe him my life. I'd do anything I could for him. Even this," he said coldly. He sat abruptly. "I hate what he has done, but it's done. We can only hope and pray he sees reason and comes back to…his work and life."

Reaching for a folder, he withdrew several envelopes and began handing them out. "Harriman wrote each of you, as well as a few of his crew, letters. I hope you can find comfort in them and understand what each of you has meant to him. And that you can try to forgive him. He worried you would hate him for what he's done. Now, we have a lot of things to go over so let's get to it."

The next hour was spent going over how the Institute would run and what was ahead for the _Seaview_ and her crew.

"Well, that's all I have. I hope we can all work together to keep Harriman's dreams alive," Starke said. "Any questions and the three of us will be here to talk over anything you want," he said gesturing to Roy and Lucius. "As long as it pertains to the Institute or its running. I have nothing more to say about Harriman."

When no one seemed inclined to talk, the three new heads of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research, rose and left quietly, leaving the rest to stare in shock.

"I can't believe he would do this," Lee said in anguish. "How can he just cut us off? To never see us or _Seaview_ again? I just…I don't understand."

"Skipper, you know the stress he's been under," Jamieson said tiredly. "I know the nightmares he's had since Malek and I know you know of them, too. It hit him hard, harder than I think any of us knew. I assumed when he got back to work, he'd get over it, accept it and move on. I obviously was wrong and I should have taken steps to ensure something like this didn't happen. My fault."

"Question is, what do we do now, sirs?" Sharkey spoke for the first time. "We can't let him go off and do whatever it is he has planned, can we? If something happens to him…how will we know?"

"I don't know, Chief. I wish I knew," Crane said in sorrow.

"I should have known," Angie whispered. "He hadn't been himself for a few days now. I just thought he'd been working too hard. He said he wanted to catch up on paperwork and didn't want you two to come home to more work. Friday, when I saw the pile or work he had finished, I should have known something was up. And when he said good-bye on Friday I felt like he was about to do something he didn't want to do, like it wasn't a 'so long see you Monday' but a real good-bye. I watched him sail off. I saw him look back and stare at the Institute. I couldn't see his face but he seemed sad. He saw me and waved. I…" Unable to continue, she ran from the room, tears running down her face.

The men watched her run off knowing she'd prefer to grieve in private. Nelson had been her boss, but she truly cared a lot about him and the men in the room knew she would be a long time adjusting.

Crane fingered the envelope that Starke had handed him. A letter? What could be said in a letter? He wished he had been able to see what Nelson was going through and that it hadn't gotten easier. After he had killed Malek, he'd heard the desolation in Nelson's voice and words but he'd assumed it would ease once he was back to work. He'd been so wrong.

"Uh, sirs, I'm gonna head out. I…I have things to do," Sharkey said, holding tightly to his letter. "If there's anything you think of to help find him, let me know. I'm there," he said as he hurried from the room.

"The same goes for me. Let me know if there's anything I can do," Jamieson said sadly before rising and walking quickly from the room, his letter clutched in his hand.

Morton tapped his letter on the table agitatedly, staring at it as if he didn't want to know what was in it. "I'm…I'm going to go to my office, Lee. If you need me…"

"I'll call, Chip," he finished softly, staring hard at the letter in his hands.

~O~

Morton reached his office quickly and closed the door, ignoring his secretary's greeting, and sat at his desk, the admiral's letter clutched in his hand. He was filled with sadness and anger at what the man he respected more than any other on earth had done. How could he just leave everything…everyone behind? What demons must have filled him since Malek's attack? Why hadn't he seen it? Why? Was he that blind to what the man had been going through? Shaking his head as he thought of what Nelson had done, he tore open the letter and began to read.

**Dear Chip,**

**This is one of the hardest letters I have ever written and I ask for your forgiveness for leaving this for you to read. I've never been good at showing people how I feel about them and I think perhaps I have done an especially bad job in letting you know in particular. You've been with me at the Institute and on **_**Seaview**_** from the beginning. I chose you to be my Executive Officer long before **_**Seaview**_** was ever finished. I saw your potential when I taught at Annapolis and I'm glad you agreed to leave the Navy to serve as my Exec. I needed a man I knew the crew would not only listen to, but respect. I found that in you and I will always be grateful you decided to serve here with me. You, my young friend, have a gift of looking on the positive side of things…never believing things are as bleak as they may seem. I find that to be truly remarkable and have found myself bolstered many times by your optimism and confidence. They are qualities I'd come to rely on along with your steadfast loyalty and ability to see to the root of any problem.**

**There isn't a man I trust more in this world, and that includes Lee. The two of you make a great team and one I hope continues. When you aren't sure about what to do, in any situation not just Seaview and the Institute, look for Lee's guidance and I hope he will do the same with you. Lee is stubborn and impulsive but I know the qualities you have inside you can rein him in, ground him. I truly regret never taking the time to make sure you knew how I felt. I remember a time when I said I couldn't trust you. I'm sure you recall that time also. Why I said it I do not know. It was not true then and it is not true now. For you the time may have been forgotten but I will never forget.**

**I'm sorry that you and Lee and others have been caught up in my problems over the years. In an ideal world, we would do our missions, do our research and never be bothered by despots or fanatics, or asked to save the world. But it is not to be. My enemies are numerous and they will not stop to kill the people around me. We've seen the truth of that, haven't we? I know that more so now than ever before. I'm truly glad you did not go on the trip to Long Beach. The thought of Lee being hurt kills me. If you had been there too, I don't know how I would have survived. **

**I truly do not know any other way to ensure the safety of the people I care so much about other than to disappear. I hope in time you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I have chosen to do. And I hope you will stay at NIMR. Help Lee. I think he will need someone strong to get through this. Make sure he does not look for me. It's not what I want.**

**I've enjoyed serving with you, Chip and regret it is at an end.**

**Be happy, my friend and stay safe.**

** Harriman Nelson**

Chip stared at the letter before for a long time, thinking. The words written there filled him with a deep, wretched sadness at what the man had felt it necessary to do. "To keep us all safe, you'd give up everything? Why? Why can't you see how wrong you are? Why did you do this? Why, Admiral?" he whispered brokenly as he stared at the letter.

~O~

Angie Wood sat quietly at her desk, tears still streaming from her eyes and staring at the letter lying unopened on it. She did not want what she had heard to be true. Admiral Nelson wouldn't just disappear. The thought of her never seeing him again hurt like nothing she had ever felt before. She'd worked for him for several years, from before the Institute was open, and she'd never enjoyed a job more. It was challenging and exciting. Working for a man such as Admiral Nelson was rewarding for sure but it was also the way he treated her. Not like a lackey as some bosses do. The 'Get me coffee now, Miss Wood' kind. The admiral always treated her with respect and over the years she'd truly come to love the man. And now he was gone from her life and she felt a huge hole. She couldn't mourn him as dead because he wasn't. But he was gone and she didn't know what she was going to do about that or how she was going to come to work each day knowing he wouldn't be here.

She wiped her tears, slowly reached out a trembling hand to the letter, and hesitantly opened it. Taking a deep breath, she began to read.

**Dear Angie,**

**I agonized a long time over what to say to you in this letter. So many things crossed my mind. I owe you so much, more than I can mention in a mere letter. You've been at NIMR since the start, always there, helping me get the place off the ground and have kept it running smoothly in all the years since. I am in your debt for all you do for me and the Institute and for all I hope you will continue to do. I know I'm not the easiest to work for but you always seemed to forgive my moods and the long hours you were forced to work some days. I apologize now for them and hope you know I truly value your work and you. I hope the added title will not cause you any problems or added labor. I intended it as an honor and a small symbol of the trust I have in you.**

**That being said, I ask your forgiveness for what I felt I needed to do. Perhaps it was the coward's way out as I'm sure some will think. I only know I can't continue to let people I care about be hurt or worse. The thought of one day seeing you hurt because of me fills me with horror and I can't help but feel it would have happened eventually. I can face monsters or aliens or gun toting terrorists, but the thought of the people I care about being hurt…dying… fills me with a deep dread. And I do care about you. I hope you know that. I deeply admire your qualities…your intelligence, understanding, perception, compassion, your willingness to simply listen…and again thank you for being who you are and allowing me to be your boss as I know quite well you would have no trouble finding other employment. I hope and pray you will continue on at NIMR. I apologize for never having told you how I feel in person. I imagine you know that expressing my feelings has never been easy for me. Perhaps it was for the best that I told you in a letter as I'm sure I would not have stated it as well face to face as I hope I have written. **

**In closing I beg you to forgive me for doing what I feel I must. I know you won't understand but it seems the only way open to me. I will be in contact as I know you and Lee and the others will worry, but I do not wish to be found. It's better this way.**

**I hope someday you find someone that makes you happy. It's a difficult life if we choose to go through it alone. I know. Perhaps now better than ever.**

**Be happy and stay safe, Angie.**

**Harriman Nelson**

Angie refolded the letter carefully, put it back in the envelope and placed it on her desk, smoothing it gently. "You're wrong, Admiral. So wrong. What's going to happen to you? How will you get by? All alone? It's not right, sir. It's…"

Unable to keep the tears from falling from her eyes, she let them fall, giving in to the misery that flooded her at the thought of never seeing Harriman Nelson again.

~O~

Will Jamieson left the conference room slowly, his thoughts whirling. He hadn't truly seen the torment his friend had been in and now there was no way left to them…to him…to help him. After several minutes of walking he looked up and realized he was outside the Med Bay building. He gazed at the brick structure in sadness remembering how Nelson had come to him, asking him to help turn the small Institute clinic into a well-respected medical center employing not only doctors and nurses but with a well stocked laboratory and medical research section. Shaking his head, he walked to a bench outside the main entrance and sat, tapping the letter Harry had written him impatiently on his leg. Sighing heavily, he tore open the letter and began to read.

**Jamie,**

**What can I say to you my friend? I find myself having trouble expressing what I want to say to you in a mere letter. We've known each other for more years than I care to think about. We've served together, laughed together, drank ourselves blind stinking drunk together more times than was probably good and we grieved together more times than I care to recall. You have a quiet strength about you that I've admired, envied, and come to rely on over the years. I will truly miss having you nearby to talk to, to listen to, and to heal my wounds, both physical and the ones inside.**

**I was so very happy when you decided to finally come work onboard **_**Seaview**_** and help me take the small Institute clinic and make it into the fine hospital and research facility it is now. Med Bay is a testament to you my friend and I thank you for what you've done and give you all the credit for that. You found the best people to employ and I will always be in your debt.**

**That said I know you won't understand why I've taken the steps I have and will, in all likelihood, blame yourself for not having seen what I was going through. You couldn't have known what I was planning so please don't think you could have stopped me. Jiggs couldn't dissuade me, and neither could you. The past years have been hard, harder than I perhaps let on. Maria's death still haunts me at times as do all the others that stood in front of me. Her death…the deaths of the others…fills me with more than sadness. I feel unworthy of the life they've granted me and only wish for things to be different. We both know the past is the past. But the future can be different and I intend to see that future. Lee, Chip, Francis…you…will be safer if I'm not in the picture. **

**Please forgive what I feel I must do to keep you and the others safe. I don't want any more deaths on my conscience. I don't want any more faces coming to me in the deepest part of the night. Understand if you can. Please. But if you can't understand, at least forgive me.**

**Thank you my friend and I beg you to stay on at NIMR. Lee and the others will need your strength, wisdom and healing hand.**

**Harriman Nelson**

Jamieson stared for a long time at the paper in his hands, guilt filling him at what he read, what he knew was his responsibility.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I should have seen. I should have been able to help you. My God that's what I'm supposed to do, isn't it? Help people? Why didn't I see what you were going through?"

He shook his head slowly as he remembered the words Nelson had spoken, the tone he used, the way he drifted away in deep thought. So many clues and yet he had simply thought it would all be all right. In time. Now, nothing felt as though it would ever be all right again and he knew he was responsible. "I'm so sorry."

~O~

Chief Francis Sharkey stalked down to the _Seaview_ dock; anger at what Nelson had done clouding his mind. How could he do it? How could he leave them? How could he protect the admiral if he didn't know where he was?

"Why didn't you take me along?" he whispered sadly. "I could have helped you, been there for you so you weren't alone. I wouldn't have told anyone! I could have…" He hauled back his fist and almost belted a hapless NO PARKING sign before he thought better of it. Stumbling his way to a rock by the sub pen, he sat down staring at the letter in his hand. He thought enough of him to write a letter. The Skipper and Mr. Morton had gotten one. He was honored Nelson thought that much of him but he found it difficult to open the letter and read what was inside, but he finally did.

**Dear Francis,**

**I know by now you've heard what I have planned on doing and can see in my mind your scowling face. I have come to rely on you, my friend and it grieves me that you will not understand, or forgive, the steps I have taken. **

**You've been with me for a few years and I'm not sure I've ever told you what your friendship has meant to me. Over the years, I've come to rely on you not only as CPO of **_**Seaview**_**, but as my friend. After Chief Jones died, I didn't know how I was going to find a man to step in and take over, not only the position of CPO, but as someone the men would respect and follow as they had Curly Jones. I found that man in you, Francis and I've been relieved that I did. I know you won't understand what I've done but I felt it had to be. I'm sure you're asking why I would do what I have and perhaps even wondering why I didn't take you along, as I know you would have done willingly. That, my friend, would defeat the purpose of my leaving. You'd still be in danger and that thought fills me with a deep dread.**

**I hope in time you can forgive me but more importantly, I hope you will stay and take care of **_**Seaview**_** and the men, most especially Lee and Chip. I know they won't understand but I hope and pray you will stay and help them. It will not be easy but I can think of few I trust as I do you.**

**Take care, my friend. Know that I truly value your friendship and please find it in you to forgive me for doing what must seem to be a foolish thing. I don't do it lightly.**

**Harriman Nelson**

When he'd finished reading the letter, he folded it back up and stared out at the sub bobbing in the slight current and felt his heart ache. He was gone. A letter was all he had left of the man he'd come to love as a brother and respect more than any man alive.

"Hey Sharkey! Man what's up around here? You hear about the admiral?"

Sharkey turned to see Kowalski limp towards him, a piece of paper dangling from his hand.

"Yeah, Ski I heard. He just up and left. For our own good, he said."

"Yeah, that's what he said here," Kowalski said softly gesturing to the paper in his hands.

"You got one, too?"

"Yeah, Admiral Park came onboard and handed a few out. Mr. O'Brien and Pat got one. Sparks, too. I don't know how many others. He left a letter addressed to the crew to read in the mess. What are we doing about it?" he asked.

"Nothing that I know of."

"Well, we gotta do something! He can't just give up everything! I mean come on!"

"Ski, if there's something we can do to find him, you know the Skipper will do it and when he finds it, you know he'll ask us for help."

"Yeah, I guess," he said unconvinced. "I just…it ain't gonna be the same around here, ya know?"

"Yeah, kid, I know," he said softly. "I know."

~O~

Lee Crane continued to stare at the letter before him. Anger filled him as he thought of what Nelson…his friend, mentor…brother…had done. Anger filling him, he pushed back from the table and stood, stalking across the room to stand in front of the windows that overlooked the sub pen and docks. _The_ _Folly's_ mooring spot was empty and Crane felt a frisson of fear coupled with anger and overwhelming sadness fill him as he stared at the vacant spot.

"I can't believe you did this. Why? How am I going to…?" He lowered his head and tried hard to regain control. Shaking his head, he stalked back to the table and stared down at the letter lying before him, teasing him, calling to him. Sitting, he tore open the letter, unfolded it and began to read.

**Dear Lee,**

**Let me start out by asking you to forgive me for what you are about to read and for my cowardice in writing you and not speaking face to face. I don't have the courage to face you with this as I feel certain seeing you may cause me to give in and not do what I feel I must to keep you and others I care about safe. **

**The events of the past months…years…have taken a toll on me. I've seen people I care about die, families torn apart and those dear to me hurt. I can't continue to allow people to die in my stead or be hurt because of me. So many have died already, in this attack and throughout my life and career. I saw you die, Lee and I know the Hell I was in. My beautiful wife Maria died to protect me. As her husband, I should have been able to keep her safe but in the end, she died because of me. I can't be responsible for you or anyone else being hurt or dying. Not any more. As a consequence, I have set in motion a plan to remove myself from the equation so to speak.**

**I know you won't understand my reasons but I have decided the only recourse I have to ensure the safety of the people I care about is to go away. I have made plans to "disappear" and have made certain the Institute and **_**Seaview**_** are provided for. Lucius Emery and Roy Park have consented to return and serve in my stead as Directors of the Nelson Institute and Jiggs Starke will serve as advisor for the time being. You should know that they hate what I am doing and have tried, unsuccessfully to change my mind. I believe Jiggs called me certifiably crazy when he saw my plans. It's not the first time someone has called me that but perhaps it will be the last. I won't be dissuaded, not by him and not by you.**

**Please, don't look for me, Lee. You won't find me. I know that sounds as though I have decided to end it all but I haven't taken that step, and won't, to ensure the safety of those I care about…those I consider to be my family. Get on with your life and I beg you to stay as **_**Seaview's**_** captain. Please. If I can't be aboard her, I want to know she's in your hands. I built her to fulfill my dreams but I think in some way she fulfills yours, too. At least I hope that to be true. **

**If you absolutely need to contact me, Jiggs will know how. And please don't badger him. He hates what I am doing as much as I suspect you will. I shamelessly held a debt he didn't owe me over his head until he agreed. I believe he regrets the day we met at Annapolis and that saddens me greatly. So does the thought you may also regret having met me and being a part of my life and my dreams. Forgiveness is a hard thing to give but I ask yours anyway. Please find it in you to forgive me and to understand.**

**Please know how much I admire and care about you. I know I've done a poor job of telling you how I felt…feel…about you. It's never been easy for me to express feelings or emotions. I once called you brother and that is how I've come to think of you. My only regret in that is it was said under the influence of a drug. Never think it wasn't my true feelings for you because it is.**

**Your steadfast loyalty astounds me sometimes as I find myself questioning why you would choose to stay with Seaview, NIMR…and me. I know you would have gone far in the navy and feel certain I would, at some point, have been addressing you as Admiral Crane if I had not intervened. Doing this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I cannot see another way. Knowing I won't see you day after day fills me with a sadness unlike any I think I have ever felt, save for losing my Maria. I don't do this lightly, Lee. **

**Please try to understand and find it in you to forgive me.**

**Godspeed, my friend.**

** Harriman Nelson**

For a long time Lee stared at the letter in his hand, reading it over and over. "I should have known what you were going through, Admiral. I should have helped you. I should have…" He lowered his head and tried hard not to allow his emotions to show. He had to be strong, not only for himself but for the others. But inside…inside it felt as though his world was suddenly a dark place and he didn't know what he was going to do without the man that had become more than a boss, more than a commanding officer…more than a friend to him.

Lee Crane folded the letter from Nelson carefully and put it back in the envelope. He felt tears filling his eyes and he angrily rubbed them away. No! No tears. What he needed was a plan. But what? How could he find him? How? And then he remembered the tracker they had put on the admiral's sailboat.

Jumping up, he ran to Chip's office. "Chip! Chip!"

"What? What is it?" he asked quickly putting his own letter away.

Crane avoided looking at Chip, knowing that if he reacted the way he did to his letter, Chip may have the same reaction and he didn't want to embarrass him. "The tracker! We put the tracker on board _The Folly_! Remember? All we need to do is take the Flying Sub out and track him!"

"You're right! I forgot about that! What are we waiting for?"

The two men raced through the hall stopping at Angie's office quickly.

"Angie! We have a plan to find the admiral! We put a tracking device onboard _The Folly_ when we were on Catalina! We're going to take the Flying Sub and track him!"

"Why did you put…never mind. Do you think you can find him?"

"I don't know. But we're gonna try," Crane said heading out quickly.

Angie looked up to see Starke looking at her with a sad expression. "They're not going to let him go, are they?"

"No, sir. He's wrong. They'll make him see that. I saw how hard it was for the admiral to leave. If he sees them, he'll come back," she said with an uncertain smile.

Sighing, Starke started back into Nelson's office. "I wouldn't put too much trust in that tracker, Miss Wood. Harriman's no fool. And he knew the two of them thought he was up to something. I'm sorry. I really am," he said before going back inside.

~O~

Lee and Chip raced to the _Seaview_, finding Sharkey and Kowalski on the way and informing them of their plans and dragging them along. They ran onboard and launched the Flying Sub quickly and headed off.

"Which way should we go?" Chip asked.

"Let's head south. No one would sail north if they wanted to get away quickly."

So the craft headed south and before long began to pick up a very weak signal from the tracker which they followed for a time until they saw a sailboat in the distance which they flew over several times.

"It's not _The Folly_, Lee," Chip said unhappily.

"He may have changed the name. Let's head down and cut the boat off."

"Uh, Skipper, unless the admiral acquired a wife and two kids, that isn't his boat," Sharkey said as he watched four people come out on deck after they had landed near them.

Seeing the bright yellow machine, the boat changed course and headed to them slowly.

"Wow, that's some machine!" the man said excitedly.

"Yes it is. Look maybe you can help us. We uh, we're looking for a friend of ours and…, this is going to sound strange but, we put a tracking device on his boat and, …the signal seems to be coming from your boat. Would you have any idea why?"

"This friend of yours get lost a lot?"

"Uh, yeah. You could say that," Morton said with a smirk.

"Well, I don't know for sure why you think he's here but we did find something strange in our head a little while ago. Actually, my youngest here found it," the man said pulling the tracker from his pocket. "Is this what you were looking for?"

Crane's face fell as he saw the device. "Yeah, that's it," he said taking it from the man.

"I'd have to say this friend doesn't want you to find him."

"Yeah, I get that feeling. Have you seen any other sailboats headed south? Might have left from Santa Barbara or San Diego?"

"Nope. We left San Diego yesterday though."

"He'd be in a 40 foot Columbia sailboat. Blue sails with yellow borders? Trim on the boat is blue? Name's _The Folly_?"

"Can't help you. Haven't seen it but we left out of San Diego Yacht Club in San Diego. That's a big marina there. Could have been there."

"But you said you haven't seen any other boats going south?"

"No, but no one would head north."

"Yeah, I know. Except maybe one man," Crane said sourly. "How about if we gave you a description of our friend?"

"I'll try to help."

"Our friend is about 5'8", stocky build, auburn hair, blue eyes? Sound like anyone you might have seen?"

The man looked at his wife briefly. "Well, I never met him but a friend of ours, Dave Lawson, had a guest staying with him. Saw him once or twice with Dave yesterday and the day before. He fits your description pretty well."

"Was he on your boat at all?" Chip asked.

"No he wasn't but Dave came by yesterday morning to say good-bye to us. We're heading down to Ecuador and he wanted to wish us luck. Come to think of it, he did roam about for a bit. You thinking he's the one that put that in there?"

"Maybe. Do you know where this Lawson lives?"

"Look, I don't want to give Dave any trouble. He's a good friend."

"No trouble," Crane hurriedly assured the man. "We just want to find our friend and convince him to come home. That's all. If this Lawson can help, great."

The man was silent for a time then finally gave them the address where they could find Dave with reluctance.

"Thanks for your time and sorry to stop you. Enjoy your trip."

"Say uh, what is that thing you're in anyway?"

"It's a Flying Submarine. Designed by Admiral Nelson of the Nelson Institute."

"Wow, that's a fancy way of getting around. Well, good luck looking for your friend. I hope he's all right."

"So do I," Crane whispered as he climbed back inside.

"Well, now what?" Morton asked.

"Anyone up for finding this Lawson? Maybe the admiral's still there," Crane sat turning in his seat to look at the others who were all nodding. "Chip, find us place to set down in San Diego and arrange for a car to meet us."

Morton hurried to make contact with the base there and arranged a slip and a car quickly.

"All done, Lee. Car will be waiting when we get there."

"That was fast," Lee said with a smile.

"It helps to know people. And throwing the NIMR name around helps," he finished with a smile.

"Let's go. You know, I should have known you can't trick the admiral. Putting it in the head," he said shaking his head.

"I thought it was a nice touch, sirs," Kowalski said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah it was, Ski," Crane said, with a slight smile.

The flight to San Diego didn't take long and they were soon in a car headed for the address the couple had given them.

"This is the place," Morton said when they arrived.

"Let's go see if our friend is here," Crane said with determination as he knocked on the door.

After a moment, the door opened to reveal a silver haired man with a distinct military bearing.

"Yes? Can I help you?" he asked with a slight smile.

"I hope so. I was told a friend of ours might be staying with you?"

"Oh and who might you all be?" he asked gesturing to the men crowded around his door.

"Sorry. I'm Lee Crane. This is Chip Morton, Francis Sharkey and Jake Kowalski."

"And the friend you're looking for?"

"Harriman Nelson," Crane sat, watching the man for any sign he was about to lie.

"Come in, gentlemen," he said opening the door and allowing them to enter. "May I get you anything to drink?"

"No, sir. Just some answers if you have them," Crane answered quickly.

"Let's sit out on the deck where there's more air," Lawson said leading them to the deck he and Harry had sat at just a short time ago.

"Why are you looking for Harry?" Dave asked when they were seated. He studied the men before him and noticed their anxious and hopeful expressions. _Oh Harry. What are you dong?_ He thought to himself.

"He's decided, in an attempt to keep us safe, to disappear. We intend to make sure that doesn't happen," Crane said forcefully.

"Really? Why would you go against what Harry wants?"

"Because he's wrong. You have to see that."

"Actually, I do see that. Doesn't mean I'm going to go against what he wants."

"So he was here?" Morton asked leaning forward.

Lawson sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. "I can neither confirm nor deny that."

"Why would you help him do this? You know the danger he could be in!" Crane exploded.

"I can help him because he asked me to and because several years ago he pulled my arse out of a firefight that killed several of my men and wounded him in an ONI op that went bad! I owe him. And no, he didn't hang it over my head as I suspect he did Jiggs. I don't think he's right in what he's doing but I will not help you find him."

Crane lowered his head in defeat. "The admiral seems to have plenty of people that owe their lives to him," Crane said softly, looking up.

Lawson's cheek twitched briefly. "That's the kind of man, Harry Nelson is, son. You know he would do anything for a friend, die or…disappear," he said staring at Crane with compassion. "For what it's worth, I'm truly sorry. But I want you to know that he always talks of you and Morton and his other men with great admiration. Remember who he is and what he is. And forgive him. He's carrying a load of guilt and is hurting inside something fierce."

"Well, since it seems you aren't going to help us, I guess we should leave," Crane said rising. "If he gets in touch with you, tell him…tell him to come home."

"I will, son," Lawson said as he led them to the door.

"Well, what now, sirs?" Kowalski asked as they got in the car and headed back to the Flying Sub.

"Any ideas?" Crane asked.

"Why don't we head north? Scan the coast and see if we can spot him," Sharkey said.

"We don't have anything to lose," Crane said. "Let's try it."

~O~

Nelson had taken his time heading north; stopping in Santa Monica, hoping no one he knew spotted him. He wore dark sunglasses and a ball cap pulled low over his face in an attempt to remain undiscovered. Shortly after finding a slip, Nelson heard the distinctive whine of the Flying Sub's engines and looked up in surprise. Lee was not the kind of man that gave up easily. He was glad he had managed to change the sails and the name of his boat before he left San Diego. It appeared Lee was not going to just let him go. But then he would have been surprised if he had. Feeling his heart breaking again, he watched as the small craft headed northward.

Lounging back on the deck, Nelson stared about him disinterestedly. Only three days gone and he was already bored. No research proposals before him, no grants, not even budget reviews were ahead of him, just long days trying to keep Lee from finding him. The prospect was not encouraging.

Finally, he headed below to scrounge up something to eat and brought it back out on the deck, watching the people about him do the same. Many people found retirement, which is what he was going to call what he was doing, a happy thing. He couldn't seem to fathom why.

~O~

"I don't see anything, Lee," Chip said unhappily. "Even if he'd headed straight north after he left the Institute, he wouldn't have gotten this far. He'd have to be motoring the whole way.

"I know. Let's make another pass further out and head back," he said gloomily.

"It's a big ocean, Skipper. He could be anywhere," Sharkey said quietly.

"Yeah. I know, Chief. And if he doesn't want to be found…" Crane left the thought uncompleted as they all knew he would be hard to find. Unless he made a mistake somewhere along the line: a mistake that wasn't a deadly one, he hoped.

Later that night, Nelson heard the Flying Sub heading south again and he relaxed. "Good night, Lee. Let me go. Please. And find it in you to forgive me," he whispered as he headed below for the night.

~O~

Crane and the others flew back to _Seaview_, docking her expertly and headed to the Institute offices.

"Well?" Angie asked when they entered.

"It's late, Angie. What are you still doing here?" Lee asked with a frown.

"My boss goes missing and you four take off tracking him with this device of yours and you think I'm not going to sit here and wait to see if you brought him back?"

"Sorry. We didn't find him but we found the tracker. He had a friend put it onboard a boat that was heading south—in their head no less."

Angie had to suppress a smile. "Sounds like the admiral. Did you find this friend?"

"Yes," Crane said slumping into a chair. "He won't help us. Apparently he owes the admiral his life, also."

"A lot of men do," said a voice from the admiral's office.

Crane looked up to see Jiggs Starke leaning against the door jamb. "Then tell me why he can't see all the good he's done, sir. Why can't he see the lives he's saved?"

"Because he doesn't see _their_ faces at night. He sees _your_ faces," he said gesturing to the others in the room. "That's the difference. To him at least." Starke stared at each one of them in sadness before heading back into Harry's office and closing the door.

"So what do we do now?" Angie asked, tears filling her eyes.

"I…I have no idea, Angie," Crane said sadly. "I have no idea."

"Do we…you know…just let him go?" Kowalski asked quietly. "Do what he wants and hope he changes his mind?"

Silence met Kowalski's question as the others pondered what to do.

"Short of flying all over every square mile of ocean, what can we do, Lee?" Chip asked.

"Nothing," Lee said as he rose and headed for the door. "There's nothing left to do, is there?" he asked a defeated tone.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The next day, Harry awoke early, eager to continue his trek north. Gazing about him at the rows of boats, he itched to be away. He didn't know what it was that was drawing him north, other than it was unexpected, but since he had no real plans, decided to keep on motoring northward. Maybe he would find something there, some balm or peace. Perhaps some answers to the questions that rolled around in his mind.

The day was bright, the sun glinting off the water when he motored out of the marina and turned northward. Throughout the day, he passed dolphins that entertained him and other marine life that he longed to stop and study. But something kept telling him to go, so he listened to the voice and kept on.

That night, he found a sheltered anchorage and put out his anchor, intending to stay at least for the night and possibly tomorrow. Making his way below, he cooked a quick dinner and came out on deck to enjoy it, watching the stars that twinkled brightly overhead. When the wind began to pick up, he made sure the anchor was in place and headed below for the night, knowing tomorrow was a day just like today and he grimaced.

~O~

Dawn broke over the mountains to the east and Harry smiled at the beauty of it as he sat on the drop-down swim platform, his legs dangling in the choppy water. Smiling at a seal that came up to investigate him, Harry slid into the water and snorkeled in the crystal clear water of the bay he had spent the night in, delighting in the variety of marine life beneath his boat.

After a few hours, he climbed back aboard to hear a voice calling him on his marine radio. Hurriedly, he climbed from the water, shaking out his auburn hair and running a hand through it to finger comb it.

"Harry? You there? Come on. Wake up. Just because…"

"I'm here, Jiggs. Calm down. I was out for a swim."

"Some people have nothing better to do than go swimming in the early morning unlike the rest of us who…"

"Jiggs? What's wrong? Why the call?"

"Why the call? Why the…? Do you know your people are driving me nuts? Crane took the Flying Sub out looking for you yesterday. Did you know that? Took Morton, Sharkey and that Ski kid with him."

"Kowalski, Jiggs. His name is Kowalski."

"I don't care a bleep what his name is! I need to tell them something, Harriman. They're in here every hour!"

"Tell them to stop looking for me. It's simple."

"Not to them it isn't. And not to Edith. Do you know what your letter did to her? How she feels?"

Nelson sighed heavily and ran a hand over his stubbledchin, guilt filling him as he thought about what Edith's reaction would have been. He knew she would never understand the actions he felt he needed to take and his heart broke a little more as her face passed in front of little joy he had found in the morning was wiped out by Jiggs' call. "Look…tell them…tell them I'm happy. OK? Tell them that for the first time in a long time, I'm seeing and doing things I never had the time for before. All right?"

"Is that the truth, my friend?"

Nelson was a long time in answering. "No. Not really. But I'll get used to it. I have to. Tell them I'm all right. Tell Edith…"

"They don't want to talk to me. They want to talk to you."

"No! No, not yet. I'm too close."

"That's going to change?"

"It has to, Jiggs. I'm just not sure where or when. Something seems to be drawing me in a certain direction and I'm not sure why."

"Well, when you find out why, let me know."

"Is that the admiral?" a loud voice asked.

Looking up, Jiggs saw Crane with fire in his eyes and a determined look on his face enter with Angie close behind

"Crap," Jiggs whispered.

"Jiggs, you there?" Nelson called. "Did you hear me?"

"Harriman, uh…Crane just came in. Talk to him."

There was a long silence until Harry answered with a heavy sigh. "Put him on."

"Admiral! Are you all right?" Lee asked anxiously.

"Yes, Lee. I'm quite fine. Just trying to enjoy my new life, something I would be doing if I wasn't having my early morning swim interrupted. Jiggs was just telling me you're bugging him constantly. Leave off, OK?"

"No sir. No. You had your say in your letters. Now you listen to me. You can't do this. You can't just walk away from everything…everyone…you care about and who care about you."

"But I have," he said sadly. "And it will stay that way. This is my decision, Lee. This is the only way I know to keep the people I care about safe."

"Then you're a fool. To walk away when…"

"I've been called a fool many times before but never by someone I considered a very good friend."

"I'm sorry, sir. Please. Just…let me know where you are. I'll come there. We'll talk."

"No. No. It was too hard saying good-bye before. The last night…saying good-bye to Angie was…no, Lee. I can't."

"Angie's here now, Admiral. Talk to her."

Nelson was quiet for a long time before he whispered, "I'm sorry, Angie, Lee, but…I…I can't come back. Try, please try, to understand. It's the only way I can think of to keep you all safe," he said with sorrow in his voice. "Whether I'm right or wrong or a fool…or certifiably crazy…it's what is. I'm sorry." And with that he severed the call.

Jiggs slowly reached out and turned the radio off. "I'm sorry, Crane."

"So am I. So am I," Lee said softly as he turned and walked slowly out of the office. Angie, after a quick look at Starke followed but not before he saw the unshed tears that filled her eyes.

~O~

Weeks passed and Harry Nelson slowly made his way farther and farther away from his friends and his old life, each day continuing in much the same way as the day before. He swam, snorkeled, studied marine life, made copious notes on what he observed in the many notebooks he'd brought along and slowly headed northward, enjoying the days the winds were just right for sailing. He'd been in contact with Jiggs, making sure all was running smoothly, and had talked briefly to his friends and Edith who, although still displeased and concerned, tried to understand what her brother had felt it necessary to do.

The coast of Oregon was passing slowly by Harry and he smiled as he saw the vision of Mount Rainier seeming to float in the air before him, marveling at the beauty of the snowcapped mountain. He thought about climbing the rugged, snowy peak, only to remember he was all alone and a twinge of sadness enveloped him as he contemplated his painful but necessary choice.

Pulling his eyes away from the mountain, he continued his plodding course north, intending to be in the Straits of Juan de Fuca by tomorrow or the next day at the latest. However, a few hours later his radar indicated a strong storm was ahead. The waves began to increase in size and he felt a change in the wind. Knowing that any wave could knock him overboard, he checked his safety harness, making sure he was securely tethered to the boat and readied for a quick run to shelter. Looking quickly to his charts, he decided to head for a small marina called Seafarers Park where he hoped to be able to find a slip quickly. But before he could make the entrance to the harbor near Astoria, he felt the wind increase dramatically, the waves deepening and he heard a distress call go out from a sailboat called _Jenny's Dream_. A return call from the Coast Guard indicated they were on their way but it would be an hour or more until they could reach them. Checking his position against the transmitted position of the other vessel, Harry saw it was very near his location and he headed away from the safety of the harbor and towards the sinking vessel.

"_Jenny's Dream_, this is _The Icarus_. What is your status? Over," he called on the radio.

""We're sinking! Boat swamped! I have two children onboard! Please help! Over!"

"I have your position. Will be there soon. Hang on. Over."

Harry sailed through the stormy sea, hoping the coordinates were correct and searched through the ever deepening waves for sight of the floundering sailboat. Waves crashed over the bow of his boat, the spray drenching him and making it hard to see what was ahead.

Wiping the mist from his face he searched, hoping hard he got to the boat in time. Finally after what seemed like ages, Harry spotted the small craft off his port bow and sailed towards it. By now the vessel was on its side, waves crashing over it, and he could see the family of four clinging to the side desperately holding on. Harry threw out his sea anchor, grabbed a life preserver, tied a rope to it and threw it to the man, happy when he caught it and managed to tie the rope around his wife and two small children. When he waved that they were secure, Harry frantically pulled on the rope as the woman and children entered the water. Hauling them quickly aboard, he untied the rope and ushered them quickly below, yelling for her to find towels and blankets for her and the children. Racing back on deck, he set to work bringing the man to safety and was distressed to see he was beginning to weaken and sink into the ocean that churned about him.

"Hang on!" Harry yelled. "Grab the rope!" But the man was too tired of fighting the waves and seemed to give up.

Knowing it was a foolish thing to do, Harry checked his safety harness, making sure it was secure, and dove overboard towards where the man was last seen. For a brief moment he caught sight of him before he went under the churning waves.

"Oh no you don't!" Harry yelled as the man began to sink. He swam quickly to where he'd last seen him, reached down and felt a hand. Gripping it tightly, he yanked him to the surface. Harry wrapped an arm about him, attached the man's harness to his and told him to hang on to him. Grabbing the rope that was attached to his vest, he began to pull on it dragging them slowly back towards the boat that kept disappearing in the deepening sea.

Waves crashed over the pair, trying to pull them under and Harry fought with everything he had to keep them above water, spluttering as the ocean did its best to pull him under. The faces of his friends danced before him and he gritted his teeth, feeling their sadness, their fear for him. He wasn't going to let this be the end. Not for him and not for the young father tethered to him. He had to get them both back to his boat. Off in the distance, he heard the woman yelling and felt a tension on the rope and knew she was dragging them back towards safety and he relaxed just a bit.

After what seemed like an eternity, Harry reached the swim platform of _The Icarus_ and hauled the man up onto it, heaving himself up behind. Laying his head on the cold, wet surface, Harry coughed up the seawater from his lungs and tried to control his breathing before he reached out to unhook the man's safety vest from his. Grabbing him, he pulled him up towards his wife waiting above, who dragged him the rest of the way up to the deck. She watched anxiously as her husband coughed, struggling to breathe.

"Go take care of your husband and kids! Hurry! Get below! We still need to make port!" Harry yelled over the roar of the wind as he staggered back to the wheel, steering his boat through the heavy seas and toward the safety of the harbor.

It was a long time before Harry could reach the sheltered bay, entering the safety of the breakwater and on to the marina. He motored to a vacant slip and moored, then slumped over the wheel exhausted.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into the anxious face of the husband. "Are you all right?" the man asked.

Harry could only nod as he tried to regain his breath. "But I'm going to hurt in places I didn't know I had tomorrow," he said with a tired smile.

"You…you saved my family. I…How can I ever repay you?"

Harry shook his head. "No debt is owed. Just do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Keep them safe. And never stop loving them," Harry said softly.

"I will, mister," he said as he helped Harry to his feet.

The storm continued to roar about them as the two men went below to see to the others, who crowded around Harry with gratitude.

"Here are some dry clothes for you and your children," Harry said as he pulled sweat pants, tee shirts and sweatshirts, most emblazoned with NAVY on them, from his belongings.

"Thank you," the woman said softly as she began to take the wet clothes from the two youngsters and put the seriously oversized shirts on them.

"I'll tell the Coast Guard you're safe," Harry said as he took a towel and began to dry his hair with it, leaving it in mussed curls. "After that I'll find us something to eat. I don't think there's much to be done tonight so you're welcome to stay onboard. In the morning we'll see what we can do."

"Oh, let me cook. You've done so much already and you're exhausted," said the woman.

"Sounds good. Let me contact the Coast Guard," he said as he sat at the radio and told the authorities the family was safe. A short while later, they were all warm and dry and ravenously consuming warm bowls of canned beef stew that Harry found to be delicious. "You know, it's just canned beef stew, same stuff I've been eating, but yours tastes so much better," Harry said with a smile as he sat at the small table.

"It's because someone else made it!"

Harry laughed heartily. "You're probably right!"

By now Harry knew the name of the family was Swenson, the man's name George and his wife's name was Jenny. The youngest child at two was named Tessa and the oldest at six was Ben. He'd introduced himself to the family simply as Harry. George had contacted his and Jenny's families and let them know what had happened but that they were safe.

"Jenny, I think there are some cookies in that cabinet behind you," Harry said after the dishes had been done. "Maybe the kids would like some."

"Oh, that's so nice of you," Jenny said as she found the cookies and handed one to each child then held the bag out to the men. Tessa, who sucked on her cookie more than ate it, walked to Harry's side and climbed up into his lap, laid her head against his shoulder and sighed contentedly.

Harry looked down in surprise at the tousled head lying on his shoulder and looked up into Jenny's face. "She seems very comfortable with you, Harry. Do you have a wife or children of your own?"

"No…no, I never had children," he said wistfully as his hand absently stroked the curls of the little girl. "My…my wife died a few years ago."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Jenny said in sympathy.

"What kind of work do you do, Harry?' George asked quietly when the silence had gone on for a bit.

"Oh, I…uh…work on boats," he finally spit out.

Tessa, who still lay on Harry's shoulder, yawned mightily as her eyes closed in exhaustion and she snuggled closer to Harry who wrapped his arms about her.

"Well, I think after today's activities, sleep won't be a problem," Harry said with a small smile.

"No. That doesn't seem as though it will be a problem," Jenny agreed.

"Jenny, you and the kids are welcome to the bed in the bow. It's large enough for all of you I think," Harry said as he watched Tessa sleep.

"Oh I hate to take your bed."

"It's not a problem. The bunks, I have been assured, are quite comfortable."

"If you're sure," Jenny said. "Perhaps I should get them settled for the night." Jenny rose and took the sleeping Tessa in her arms and herded Ben to the bow cabin while George and Harry went up on deck, happy the storm and clouds seemed to have moved off.

"So you work on boats, huh?" George said as he stared up into the night sky.

"Used to. Not now," Harry said sadly.

"You know, my dad used to be in the navy. Retired more than a few years ago now. He used to serve on a submarine, _The Nautilus_, with a man that looks a lot like you…Harry."

Harry sighed heavily and frowned. "Coincidence?"

"I don't think so. You seem to like Navy a lot," he said gesturing to the sweatshirt and pants he wore.

"So you know who I am?"

"If you're Harriman Nelson, yes. Why the secrets?"

"I just don't want to be found right now. Kind of a…vacation from my work."

"It's all right by me. My dad talked about you a lot. He was always quite proud to say he'd served with you. Said he couldn't imagine the pressure you would have on you doing what you do."

"It's not just the pressure," he said sourly as the faces flitted through his mind. Harry was silent for a long moment, waiting until the faces left him. "Your uh…your dad would be James Swenson, right?"

"That's him! Big old Swede!"

"Ha! I remember him quite well. He's a good man."

"I'll tell him you said that. He always admired you, sir."

"Where is he now?"

"He's living up in Washington. Sails as often as he can. Where are you headed? I know if you end up in Washington, Dad would love to see you again."

Harry looked at George speculatively. "I'm not sure where I'm going now," he said in confusion. "Something kept telling me to go north but now…I don't know."

"Well, whatever it was that said come north, I'm glad you did. My family and I wouldn't be here now," George said with a catch in his voice.

Harry pondered the implications of what George had said for a moment. "I…uh…wonder if I could ask you to do something for me," Harry asked quietly after a moment lost in thought.

"Anything! I owe you my family's lives and mine."

"Tomorrow, do you think you could tell the Coast Guard some nameless man rescued you and took off?"

"I can, but why?"

"I don't want the publicity."

"And someone might see your face and know where you are?"

"Something like that. Let's just say there are some people that don't understand why I want to be alone right now."

"I imagine, sir they're worried about you."

"Yes. I know. But that doesn't change things."

"I'll keep your secret, Ad…I mean Harry."

"Thank you George. Now let's see about getting some sleep, eh?" he said slapping George on the back.

~O~

The next morning Harry, asleep in one of the bunks, awoke to the distinct feeling of being watched and something tickling his face. He opened his eyes cautiously to see Tessa, with her thumb in her mouth, and Ben by her side peering into his face.

"Good morning," Harry said with a smile.

"Morning mister," Ben said while Tessa just patted his face, rubbing her pudgy hands through his thick beard.

"Ben and Tessa, I told you not to wake him," Jenny said.

"Sorry Mama. I was hungry," Ben said unapologetically.

It was then Harry smelled the aroma of something wonderful being cooked in his small galley and he struggled to sit up, groaning as his body protested.

"Sore, Harry?" George asked as he came to sit beside him and handed him a mug of hot coffee.

"Definitely sore, George. Guess I need to work out more onboard," he groaned as he gratefully accepted the coffee and drank it greedily. Caffeine and lots of it were going to be necessary today.

After a wonderful breakfast of omelets, thick slices of bacon and toast, Harry and George went on deck to see if _The Icarus_ had sustained any damage and saw no real harm.

"Looks like she came through the storm fine, Harry."

"Yes, it does. George what will you and Jenny do now? How will you get home?"

"We only live up in Seattle. I can call someone to drive down and pick us up. Jenny's family is up there. So is my Dad. Don't worry about us, Harry."

"I was headed north anyway, I could motor you up there. Wouldn't take too long," Harry said thoughtfully.

"Thanks, but no, Harry. The chances of people finding out who you are, are greater that way. We'll just find a place to stay until Jenny's folks can get down here."

"I don't feel right about that. You lost everything in the storm."

"Not everything," George said as he watched his kids climb up on deck and run towards him.

Harry smiled as he watched the man gather his kids to him and hug them tightly.

Later, Harry and the Swensons sailed out of the small harbor to the Coast Guard station near Cape Disappointment, where Jenny's family would meet them in a few hours. When they were a few minutes from docking, Harry made sure his boat's name and id numbers were hidden, draped by "drying" towels. Easing off on the motor, Harry let the boat drift for a moment.

"George, Jenny, I wish you both luck. You have a fine family here," Harry said warmly.

Jenny walked to him and kissed him on his bearded cheek. "You saved my family and I will always be thankful to you for that. Please, keep in touch and know that your secret is safe with us, Admiral Nelson," she said with tears in her voice.

Harry looked to George with a raised eyebrow. "She beat it out of me, sir," he said with a laugh.

"It's all right, George. You shouldn't have secrets from your wife. Be safe and I'll keep in touch when I can," he said fingering the paper they had given him with their address and contact numbers on.

"Where will you go now?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know. That urge to head north is gone," he said bewildered. "I'm thinking some tropical island sounds pretty good right now. Maybe Tahiti!"

"A lone cross Pacific sail is dangerous, Admiral," Jenny said glowering.

"Oh, I know, Jenny," Harry said with a frown. "But…I can't get the feeling out of my head to head south for some reason."

"You're going to need plenty of provisions. There aren't any places to stop on the way," George said in concern. "Sleep's gonna be hard to come by, too. Need to keep a lookout for other ships or floating obstacles. Last thing you want is to collide with a freighter or an overboard container from a ship. Or anything for that matter."

Harry sighed and nodded. He'd already thought of all that and more but couldn't shake the feeling of heading away from the coast and southwesterly.

"I know. I've thought of that and more," he said softly. "I'm going to need to resupply if I'm going to head south and the marina we were at last night didn't offer much in the way of supplies. Do you know of any stores near the Coast Guard station?"

"There's a marina not far from the station on the same side of the bay. I think there are a few stores there. Englund Marine Supply for sure and a grocery and deli. The grocery's a couple blocks back off First Avenue if I remember right. May not be the best but it's better than fishing the whole way," George joked.

"Thanks. I'll head there once I drop you off."

"Harry, it might be better if when you leave the station you head south and sail around Sand Island…come into the marina through the Ilwaco Channel. Just in case someone notices you dropping us off, they might think you were heading out of the harbor."

"Thanks. That's good advice. The last thing I need is to be spotted."

"Look, Harry if you run into trouble out there and don't think you can call your friends, you have my dad's and my numbers. Don't hesitate to contact us. We'll get you help," George said.

"Thanks George but I'll be fine. I'm rather looking forward to getting away from the coast actually and do some real sailing," he said with more than a touch of excitement in his voice.

"Contact us when you make port?" Jenny asked in concern.

"I will. Now it's time to drop you off and head out."

Harry eased _The Icarus_ closer to the dock and tied it off. "Good luck, Harry," George said shaking his hand while Jenny gave him a hug. He looked down to see Tessa with her arms up asking for a hug which he gave her, nestling his face in her soft curls for a moment. Ben only stuck his hand out as his father had and shook Harry's vigorously.

When the family was on the dock, they turned and waved as Harry untied the ropes and cast off, motoring slowly away from the pier and to the marina they had told him about, intending to restock his food, water and other supplies before starting his long sail south and some as yet unknown tropical island. He felt good about that decision, as if something else was calling him south. He only hoped it was a good something.

Harry made his way to the marina by the circuitous route, tied up and headed for the grocery first after asking for directions. He'd done an inventory the night before of his supplies and had a list of what he thought he would need for the sail which he estimated would take between two and three weeks if he was lucky. Four if he ran into calm winds or trouble. Then he hit the marine supply store and restocked a few things, carrying them to his boat and stowing everything away. Coming back up on deck, he spotted a bookstore down at the far end of the marina, and headed off with a little smile to see what might peak his interest. There were going to be long stretches where he had nothing to do and no one to do it with. What better company than a good book?

An hour later, he carried his bag filled with books…some pleasure reading and some scientific tomes…and several more notebooks to the boat, stowed his purchases below securely and began to motor slowly out of the harbor. Checking the time, he frowned as he saw that the day was nearly gone and he decided to return to the marina he and the Swensons had moored at last night and get a good night's rest. Sleep was going to be in short supply out on the open ocean.

Mooring in the same spot he had been in the night before, Harry glanced about the small marina and spotted a restaurant that offered prime rib with all the trimmings. With a little smile, he headed off to enjoy one more night onshore.

The next day dawned with bright sunshine, waking Harry from a restful night's sleep. After a quick breakfast at a local cafe, he set about continuing his trip. Casting off the lines, he motored away from the marina and out into the bay. When he reached the inlet, he cut off the motor, checked the wind and began to raise his mainsail groaning as pain from his shoulder and back, a reminder of last night's adventures, flared through him

"Ugh, getting old, Nelson," he said ruefully as he rubbed his shoulder briefly. "A little swim in 20 foot seas and your body feels like one big ball of hurt. What I wouldn't give for a nice long soak in a warm tub full of water," he mused as he imagined sliding his aching body into said tub of very warm water and soaking his aches away. "But that's not going to happen for awhile yet. Is it?"

The allure of a warm bath pushed to the back of his mind, he finished raising his sail, set a course for a southerly clime and smiled as his boat responded.

"Well, let's see what you can do," he said to his boat.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Two days later, Lee Crane sat in his apartment nursing a beer and watching the news disinterestedly. _Seaview_ had just returned from one of the research cruises the admiral had set up last year: one that he had been quite excited about. Although the cruise had gone fine, he found it hard to be excited about what he was doing without the admiral onboard. It irked him that Nelson had left, disappeared. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing as it had been several days since they had heard any word from him and he worried something had happened to his friend.

He was lost in thought, wondering where Nelson was and if he was all right, when a face on the television screen caught his eye and he sat up in shock. It looked a lot like the admiral and he turned the sound on to hear what was being said.

_It seems this unidentified man seen leaving the dock of the Coast Guard base was the one that may have rescued the Swenson family from their sinking sailboat two days ago off the coast of Astoria, Oregon. Attempts to reach the family to ask who the man is were unreturned by the family. The only statement they had on reaching the base was that the man wished to remain anonymous. Anyone knowing the identity of this mystery savior should contact your nearest Coast Guard base._

Lee popped a tape into his VCR and tried to find another station with the same broadcast. Finally he found one and he quickly began to tape, excitement building as the series of photographs went across the screen. The man with his auburn hair and beard looked a lot like Nelson. His hair was longer and curlier than he had ever seen it but the brief glimpse of the man's eyes before he had put his sunglasses on screamed Harriman Nelson.

Quickly he called Chip and told him to come over. When he got there he excitedly showed him the tape.

"Well, is it him?" he asked Chip.

"It could be but it could be someone else, too. Any name of the boat visible?"

"No. There seem to be towels or something over anything that would identify the boat. It's the right make but the sails and trim are wrong.'"

"Well we knew he would probably change the name and the sails could be switched out easily enough and the trim covered with a little paint. Question now is, what do we do?"

Lee sighed heavily. "I don't know. We could track this Swenson guy down and talk to him."

"And?"

"If the admiral is the one that saved them they must have spent some time together because it was awhile until they got to the base. They may know where he's headed."

"And?"

"What do you mean and? And we go after him, find him and bring him back."

"Do you have an address for this Swenson?"

"No, but it shouldn't take much."

"Why don't we go to Starke and ask him if he's heard from the admiral. Or ask him to find out if he was the one that saved this family."

"You think he'll say yes? Not the admiral."

"For Starke he might."

Lee sighed heavily. "All right. Let's go visit Starke. He's working in the office today isn't he?"

"Yep. Said he and Admiral Park were going over the results of the cruise."

The two men jumped into Lee's car and headed off to the Institute and headed quickly up to the admiral's office, surprising Angie who was disinterestedly typing up reports.

"What brings you two here on your day off?"

"We saw something on TV we thought the admirals might be interested in. You too. Are they in?'

"Yes," she said rising to walk to the office, knocking loudly and opening the door. "Sirs, Captain Crane and Commander Morton to see you?'

"Tell them to come in," Starke said grumpily.

"Sir, have you heard from Admiral Nelson lately?" Crane asked quickly.

"No, Crane I haven't. I told you that yesterday when you asked. He doesn't have a schedule of when he calls in."

"Well, I think I may know where he is…or was," he said as he put the tape into the tape machine and started it, letting it run for the others to see the pictures of the bearded, curly headed man with blue eyes sail off. When it stopped, he turned to them.

"Well? Was that Admiral Nelson?"

"It could be, Lee," Angie said excitedly. "Admiral Nelson's eyes are very distinctive. At least to me they are."

"Or any woman," Starke grumbled to himself.

"And it is something Harry would do. Risk his life for someone he doesn't know and sail off wanting no recognition," Park agreed. "Question is, what are you going to do?"

"First off, Angie can you try to contact the Swensons? Call the Coast Guard base in Oregon and see if they'll give you their number."

"Right. I'll be right back."

"What are you going to do if you find out this was Harriman?" Starke asked. "Just because he was in Oregon a few days ago doesn't mean he's still there."

"No, but the Swensons may know where he's headed."

"You're not going to let him go, are you? Even though it's what he wants?" Starke asked bleakly.

"No. He's wrong. We all know it. He's in danger out there by himself."

Silence filled the office as Lee began to pace, waiting for Angie to track down the Swenson family. Finally, she got through to the number the Coast Guard had given her and handed the phone to Lee as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Mister Swenson, this is Captain Lee Crane from the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. I was wondering if you could answer a question for me."

"I…I'll try. If I can," he said slowly.

"There was a news broadcast of the man that rescued you and your family. It looked a lot like our boss…Admiral Harriman Nelson. Could you tell us…was it him and do you know where he's headed?"

George was silent for a long time. "I…I'm really very sorry, Captain but I can't tell you anything."

"Can't or won't?"

"I promised the man that rescued us anonymity and privacy. That means I won't answer your questions. I'm really very sorry."

"He's in danger. You have to see that."

"It doesn't matter what I see. It matters what he sees, Captain. And what he wants. Whoever the man was, what he wants is to be left alone. Right or wrong…it's what he wants. He saved the lives of my wife and children. And me. I owe him more than I can ever repay and honoring his wishes is what I plan to do."

"Thank you anyway," Lee said sadly as he hung up.

"No luck?" Starke asked.

"No. He said the man that rescued him and his family wants anonymity. He won't go against that."

"Understandable," Park said.

"Admiral, maybe you could try calling the admiral and ask if he's all right. From what the reports I heard said, he risked a lot to get that man aboard," Lee said.

Starke drummed his fingers on the desk for awhile. "All right. If it will get you out of this office and back to whatever it is you should be doing, I'll try."

~O~

A few days after Harry had left the Swensons; he came up on deck to greet the new day, dressed in swim trunks, a light tee shirt and his ever-present safety vest. Taking a deep breath of the salt-tinged air, he smiled as he watched the ocean turn beautiful shades of purple, yellow and blue as the sun rose. The sea was like glass and he ached to slip into the water and explore for a bit. He was pleased to feel a gentle warmth to the air that promised to make the day a good one for a little snorkeling.

A cup of coffee in his hand, he yawned and stared out at the endless ocean before him, trying to wake up. He'd spent the days since he'd left Oregon and land behind, catnapping. An experienced sailor, he knew it was dangerous to sail singlehanded across vast miles of ocean. Sleep, although needed, was achieved usually in small chunks at a time. He employed a loud obnoxious alarm to wake him, telling him he needed to check his radar and scan the horizon for any ships nearby to avoid collisions before sleeping for a few more minutes. The times he spent resting were becoming a routine: set the alarms, sleep, wake, survey the horizon for other ships, plot his position, check the trim and sleep for a few more minutes. Although he had installed state of the art collision alarms, he didn't want to take any chances. He knew a few weeks of sailing across the ocean to whatever land awaited him was going to be exhausting but there was no turning back.

Taking another swallow of coffee, he stretched then peered off into the distance and spotted a pod of whales that had chosen the area near his boat to feed in and he smiled as he watched them, wishing he was out there with them. Dolphins, seals, whales, an occasional sea turtle and seabirds such as shearwaters had become his lone companions and a pang went through him at his choices.

Although lonely, Harry had begun to enjoy his time onboard as he sailed southward from Oregon, finally enjoying the rush of the wind as his boat sailed smoothly through the water. The days were bright and beautiful and the nights breathtaking with stars that seemed painted onto an inky canvas. He'd always enjoyed the stars, climbing to the bridge of _Seaview_ when they ran on the surface to watch them overhead. The thought of his creation caused a pang in his chest as he wondered where she was and what she was doing. And what his friends were doing.

Turning his thoughts away from the path they had taken he sighed and decided he needed to feel the ocean on his body now and see what was in the water under his boat. Checking to make sure his parachute sea anchor was properly deployed; he unhooked his safety vest, laid it on the deck, pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the deck behind him. Grabbing his mask and flippers from a storage locker, he sat on the dive platform and splashed water on his face and body, smiling as the cool water woke him up a bit better than the coffee had. As he gazed out at the endless ocean before him, a sense of sadness assaulted him once more as he thought of his friends but he pushed the thoughts away almost angrily. He was just about to slip into the cool water when he heard the radio below crackle to life.

"Harriman? You there? Come on answer! I don't have all day!" he heard Starke yell.

Afraid something was wrong at home, he rose quickly, laying his snorkeling gear on the deck and hurried below, water puddling at his feet.

"I'm here, Jiggs. What's wrong?" he asked in concern as he seated himself by the radio.

"What's wrong is you diving into 30 foot seas to rescue some man you don't know! That's what's wrong!" he blustered.

Nelson was quiet for a long time and Starke was afraid they had lost the connection. "You there, Harriman?"

"I'm here. Just trying to figure out what you're talking about."

"Come on. It was on the news, my friend."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't on any news."

"Yes, actually you were and don't blame that young family. They told the news people you were some anonymous savior, just as I suspect you asked them to do. However, someone took pictures of you at the dock and the news people are broadcasting it. People _here_ want to know you're all right."

"People as in Lee and Chip?"

"And Angie," she yelled.

"Shit, Jiggs! Is everyone listening?"

"They're worried, Harriman. Me too."

Nelson was quiet for a long time, thinking. The winds had been good since he'd left the coast and he was pretty far south from where the wreck had happened. Thinking they might be persuaded that he was still heading north, he sighed heavily and said, "I'm fine. Stiff and a bit sore but fine. All right? I'm just glad I got there when I did. If I hadn't…"

"Do you know you could have died?" Lee yelled. "Jumping into heavy seas…"

"I had a harness on, Lee. I was fine," he said rubbing his sore shoulder.

"A…a harness! What if you had been hit by that sailboat and knocked unconscious or…?"

"Lee, breathe slowly. I said I was fine now could I get back to what I was doing?"

"Where are you?" Lee asked harshly.

"On my boat somewhere in the Pacific. That's all you need to know."

"Admiral…"

"Lee, please. I'm fine. Say I just remembered! How was the cruise? Did everything go well?" he asked trying to distract him.

"The cruise went fine. Would have been a lot better if you had gone along, sir. Uh…not that Admiral Park…I mean…"

"Stow it, Captain. I understand," Park said with a smile.

"That's good," Harry said a bit sadly.

After a few moments of silence, Jiggs said, "Look Harriman why don't you ease up on the no contact stuff? Give Lee your radio frequency. It's not like he can track you with it. And it would keep him out of my hair," he said gruffly.

"I guess it's not a problem. And it will be good to talk to someone every once in a while," Harry said with a smile. "Anything else?"

"Just another plea for you to come home, sir," Angie said quietly.

Nelson was silent for a bit. "I…I wish I could, Angie. But…I…I can't. I'm sorry. I…I'd better get back to steering this boat."

"Be safe, Admiral," Lee said softly.

"You, too, Lee."

"Good-bye, Admiral," Angie said softly.

"Good-bye, Angie. Nelson out."

Harry sat for a long time staring blankly into space feeling his friends calling him home. It wouldn't be hard to set a new course, one further south east to Santa Barbara. He'd be there in a few days. But he closed his eyes and saw the dead faces again and he knew he couldn't. Feeling his boat shudder, he went up on deck and spotted storm clouds off to the west. His plans for a quick swim forgotten, he grabbed the discarded life vest, buckling it on quickly and changed course to try to avoid the storm, doing his best to push the sadness that filled him away. Whether he was right or not in what he had chosen to do, this was his life now and he needed to get used to it.

~O~

The days passed slowly for Harry. Some days he spent watching whales as they breached in the distance or enjoyed the antics of the dolphins that rode his bow as he sailed. He filled notebooks with his observations or ideas that filled his head for inventions or improvements to _Seaview_, or the Institute or FS-1or questions he wanted the answers to. But the long days and longer nights alone were getting to him and he longed to reach shore soon. He looked forward to the conversations he had with Lee and Chip over the radio. Even Sharkey and Jamieson joined in sometimes. He kept abreast of what was going on with the Institute when Angie would join in or Roy Park or when Lucius could be pried from the lab. Edith still refused to let go of the hurt and was cool to him whenever she would talk to him. And whenever a call ended, he would endure the longing to be home.

Less than two days sail north of Hawaii, a storm came up that he found he could not navigate around. Big, black clouds framed the horizon and Nelson hopped to readying his boat for the coming blow. He checked his safety vest and made sure he was tethered to the boat securely then reefed his mainsail and deployed his sea anchor**. **Water began to spray over the bow, drenching him and he knew it was going to be a big blow. Feeling the waves begin to deepen and the wind pick up, he knew he needed to get below where it was safe. Going overboard was not something he wanted right now. Checking his boat once more, he was satisfied he had done all he could and after a quick scan of the horizon, went below and closed the hatch, settling himself down to ride out the storm.

The storm roared throughout most of the night and _The Icarus _was tossed about wildly by the huge waves but she, and Harry, seemed to ride it out well, although one of his forward hatches sprang a leak, drenching not only his bedroom but some of the instruments. When the seas slackened a bit and the wind died down to a level he felt it safe to move around the cabin in, he did a quick check of the damage the water had done, and found to his disgust his autopilot and his marine radio were inoperable. Although he had a spare radio which he quickly set to installing, sailing with only one radio wasn't something he wanted to attempt when sailing on open waters.

When the seas finally calmed enough, Harry went up on deck to assess the damage there and found his antenna lying on the deck and his storm sail in shreds. The damages done to _The Icarus_, although not devastating, needed to be repaired before he could continue on. Checking his position, he nodded in satisfaction as he saw how close he was to the Hawaiian Islands. Although his original intention had been to find a marina on the less populated island of Kauai to restock his supplies and rest for a few days before continuing on, he began to think he would have a better chance of finding someone to repair the damages to his boat on Oahu. He knew the risks of landing on an island that housed a large naval base such as Pearl Harbor, but he felt certain he would be able to remain incognito. Just a few days there for rest, repairs and restocking and he would be off.

Verifying his position once more, he set a course for Oahu, intending to find a small marina away from the naval base and prayed he wasn't making a mistake. Going below, he grabbed his wet bedding and hauled it topside, laying it out in the now beautiful tropical sun to dry. Glancing about at the horizon, he was satisfied the storm was headed off to his southeast and he relaxed a bit. With luck he would be safe and sound in a marina by late tomorrow, earlier if the winds that were blowing now continued. Lee's face flashed before him and he frowned as he felt sure his friend would worry when he didn't maintain contact.

~O~

Late the next day, Harry motored into a small marina on Oahu, hopefully far enough away from Pearl Harbor. He knew he was taking a chance on being recognized but he was tired of only himself for company and he needed to make repairs and restock his supplies before leaving again. Plus, he was just plain exhausted from the minimal sleep he had been getting. He knew eventually he was going to make a serious miscalculation that might cost him his life if he didn't sleep for longer than a few minutes at a time soon.

His hair had grown longer over the weeks he had been gone and was usually wind swept, not the carefully combed hair Admiral Nelson sported. That along with a beard he had started growing the day he had left Santa Barbara and dark sunglasses were hopefully adequate to hiding his identity from anyone that may know him. Tying up at the slip he'd chosen and paying the mooring fees quickly, Harry looked about the area and found a phone nearby. Figuring he should call Lee in case he was worried, he pushed his exhaustion away, grabbed some money from his pocket and hurried to the phone.

The phone rang a few times before he heard Lee's brusque, "What?"

"You really need to work on your phone etiquette, Lee," Harry said, laughing.

"Admiral! Where have you been? We've been calling you for the past two days! What the hell happened?"

"Calm down, Lee! I ran into a storm that took my antenna and radio out. I made port just now and called you because I knew you would be worried. I'm fine. Boat's almost fine. How are you?"

"Better now that I know you aren't lying on the bottom of the sea. What port are you in?"

"Ha, you don't give up do you? It's a fairly nice port from what I've seen. Not sure of the name just yet. I'm hoping they have food because I'm tired of my own cooking."

"You could solve that by coming home, sir."

"Yes, yes I could, Lee. But I won't. If this is what I have to do to keep you and others safe, then that's what I'll do. So tell me what's going on? Any missions? I seem to have lost track of time."

The two friends talked for awhile until the growling in Harry's stomach forced him to end the call with a promise that he would call again tomorrow.

Turning, Harry spotted a restaurant and headed for it, hoping they had steak on the menu as he was more than ready for one.

~O~

The next day Harry awoke to the sounds of seagulls that called raucously and the roar of boat motors. Glancing at his watch he was surprised to see he had slept for almost fourteen hours straight! The past weeks with little sleep had caught up to him. Rising slowly, he set about making a quick breakfast with lots of coffee before he headed out to see about getting his antenna and hatch repaired, his sail replaced and a new autopilot and radio purchased.

One filling breakfast, three cups of coffee and several hours later, he had discovered that everyone seemed to be quite busy and didn't have the time to look over what he needed repaired but would let him know when some time freed up for them to check his boat out. Disgusted that he would have to wait for the repairs to be done, he walked along the marina watching in amusement at some children that were trying to fish from the dock. He continued his exploration, stopping for lunch at a little restaurant before walking on, turning around shortly after that and heading back to his boat.

The rest of the day wore on slowly. He'd taken the time to restock some of his food supplies as well as other items he was running low on and was sitting on the deck, attempting to read but found it hard to concentrate, his thoughts drifting home.

Later that night, he'd had enough of solitude and decided a good stiff drink and some company was what he needed. Remembering a bar he'd seen earlier in the day, he headed off.

The bar was a rather nondescript, dingy place, commonly called a hole in the wall in some places, but it seemed to have the necessary requirement and that was booze. Harry entered slowly, his eyes flitting about, categorizing all the occupants quickly before making his way inside and climbing up on a barstool and ordering a bourbon. Taking a long swallow, he glanced about him at the people that surrounded him. Luckily he saw no one he knew and no uniforms and he relaxed a bit. He hadn't wanted to come to Oahu but with the damage done by the storm he couldn't risk going farther than the marina he had finally found a slip at—one that was way too close to Pearl Harbor and any one of a number of people that might recognize him.

Scanning the crowd again, his eyes settled on an attractive woman in her mid-forties seated across from him. One hand was curled protectively about a long necked bottle of local beer and the other held open what looked to be a textbook of some sort. Glancing at her quickly, he felt a flare of attraction for the woman envelop him and he leaned back in his seat as if he had been hit, surprised at his reaction. It had been a few years since his Maria had died and he had yet to find a woman that triggered the response he'd just had…not that he had been looking for one. His surprise mingled with a flash of guilt and he studiously avoided looking at the woman. But out of curiosity, he raised his eyes to her again and was filled with a sense of familiarity and he frowned. For some reason he felt sure he had seen the woman before and he studied her for a bit, trying to figure out where he knew her from. Her light brown hair fell to her shoulders in wispy curls and she absently pulled a strand behind her ear as she read attentively whatever tome lay before her. Where did he know her from? The dimness in the bar hindered his scrutiny and he decided he should stop his perusal before she noticed.

A few swallows of his drink later, he noticed a rather tall man with a sneer on his face approaching her from the side and tensed as he interpreted the man's intentions. Leaning close he whispered something in the woman's ear, something that caused her to go rigid. Harry was just debating whether to intervene when the man suddenly stiffened and fell to the ground. A small satisfied smile graced the woman's lips as she looked down at the man at her feet and said something he couldn't hear. She looked up and noticed Harry watching her with a small smile which she returned, shrugging her shoulders.

It was a few minutes before the man stood, hunched over, glared at her and wobbled out the door.

So, the woman knew how to take care of herself. _Good for her_ he thought before returning to his drink. But where did he know her from? It bothered him that she was familiar but he couldn't seem to place her. It wasn't as though he had seen many people lately, he thought ruefully. _Ah, and whose fault was that, Harry?_

The bartender at that point approached and she smiled at him, talking animatedly with him. Harry was surprised at the flicker of jealousy he felt shoot through him and he lowered his head. A lot had happened in the time since he'd lost his Maria, and he felt as though he had moved on, or had tried to. In the years since her death, he'd gone on a few dates and while most had gone well, they hadn't gone well enough for a second. He found it hard to stop thinking of Maria's face, her smile, her laughter and unfairly compared every woman he saw to her. So it was with surprise, coupled with guilt, that he felt attraction and now jealousy for the woman across from him as he watched her give the man that must be half her age a quick hug and stood. Grabbing her book and a bag he hadn't noticed, she walked out the door.

Sitting still on the barstool, he tried hard to ignore the voice in his head that urged him to follow her, uncertain why he should. But finally he listened, gulped the rest of his drink, paid for it and slipped from his seat quickly. Hoping to catch up to her, uncertain what he would do if he did, he looked around the outside of the bar, and was sad to discover the lady had disappeared. Shrugging, he thought it was for the best as she might have recognized him even in the dim light and started back towards his boat taking his time as he didn't relish another long night alone. He hadn't gone far when he heard a muffled scream and he hurried in the direction he thought it came from.

Turning the corner in a darkened alley, he saw the woman from the bar being held tightly from behind by a man he had noticed earlier leave the bar and the man that had crumbled at the woman's feet was standing in front of her, leaning close and gripping her shirt in his hands.

"Hey! Back off and leave the lady alone!" he yelled hoping they would indeed back off. But they didn't and the man in front stalked towards him his fists clenched.

"What's it to you old man?"

"Old man? That's a bit harsh and rather inaccurate," Harry said circling the man and keeping the other man in his sights. "Let the woman go."

"And if we don't?"

"Well, then this old man is going to make you wish you had done what I asked," he said quietly.

The thug laughed and turned to his friend. "You hear that, Ben? He's gonna make us wish we'd listened. Pretty funny, huh?" he said just before he launched himself at Harry who sidestepped him easily, throwing a quick punch to the back of his head. Putting out a foot, he tripped the man who fell heavily to the ground. He glanced quickly to the man that held the woman in front of him, satisfied he hadn't moved, then looked back to the first man who had jumped to his feet with a knife in his hand. Harry waited, on the balls of his feet watching the man as he circled him, waving the knife at him. When the man suddenly thrust, Harry took a few steps back and kicked out trying to catch the knife but the blade, slid along his leg and opened a wound. Grimacing in pain, Harry regained his balance and waited until the man came at him again. This time he sidestepped him again, grabbed the hand the man held the knife in and brought it down forcefully on his leg and elbowed him in the face, smiling as he fell to the ground and lay still.

Looking about he saw the woman bring her foot up into the crotch of her captor, who groaned loudly. She slipped easily from his grasp and Harry smiled as her attacker slid to the ground with his knees drawn up. Staring up into his eyes, she picked up her bag, grabbed his hand and dragged him down the alley and towards a well lit area.

When they had reached the main street, they stopped and looked behind them.

"I don't think they'll follow. They aren't the brightest but they eventually learn," she said with a smile as she looked up into his face. "I'm sorry they dragged you into our little disagreement."

"Disagreement? Is that what that was?" h**e **laughed, turning his eyes to hers and noticing with pleasure, the woman by his side was a few inches shorter than he was.

"Jimmy hasn't learned that I am not his girlfriend. Not now not ever. Usually I wait until my nephew is off work to leave and we head out together but I got bored tonight and decided I'd had enough of watching people get drunk."

"Nephew?" Harry asked.

"The bartender is my brother's son. He's working his way through U of H," she said, laughing. "He has classes during the day and works at the bar nights so I don't see much of him. I wanted to spend some time with him tonight to see how his classes were going, so I went to the bar."

"Ah," Harry said with a smile. "And the book?"

"Defense against boredom but tonight neither of the books I brought held my interest," she said patting the bag that held her weapons of choice.

"Don't you think we should call the police?" Harry asked.

"Involving the police…well, I'd rather not. Jimmy and his friend aren't worth it and after tonight, I think he may have finally gotten the message. Thanks to you."

"Glad I could help."

They continued walking down the street when the woman noticed Harry limping. "You're hurt! Why didn't you say something?"

"It's nothing," Harry said looking down at the blood on his pant leg. "Well, mostly nothing. I guess he nicked me a bit."

"Come on," she said grabbing his elbow. "My apartment is right around the corner."

Harry thought about protesting as he would with Jamie, but there was something about the woman that made him want to follow. If he could ever see her in better light, he might be able to figure out where he knew her from; hopefully without her recognizing him.

They reached an apartment building shortly and walked inside, taking the elevator to the third floor and heading down the short hall.

"Here," she said opening the door and walking in. "Sit down there and I'll get some bandages."

"You know, Miss…"

"Cara. My name is Cara Myers," she said as she came back in the room with a first aid kit.

"You really haven't learned your lesson about trusting people have you? You don't know me at all and yet here I am sitting in your apartment."

"If you were the kind of man that likes to hurt women, you wouldn't have intervened back there. You would have joined in."

"I can't help but feel that's faulty reasoning," he said with a frown.

"Nevertheless, you're here so let me look at your leg and clean it up at least," she said pursing her lips as she looked at the long cut.

Nelson studied the woman that knelt at his feet cleaning the cut on his leg and tried not to flinch when she dabbed antiseptic on it. He was positive he knew her but from where?

"Well, it's not too bad. You don't need stitches," she said as she finished cleaning the wound and wrapped gauze around it.

"Thank you. I could have told you that," Harry said softly as he lowered his pant leg.

She looked up in amusement. "Don't like being taken care of?"

"Not usually," he said looking at her closely, taking in her pale blue eyes and deeply sun-tanned skin. Hers was a rather attractive face and Nelson felt drawn to her. He frowned a bit as guilt whispered in his ear.

"So, fairs fair, you know my name. What's yours?"

"Harry," he said simply.

"Harry huh? Just Harry?"

"Yep. Just Harry."

"So what do you do, just Harry?"

"Right now, not much. Just sailing across the Pacific."

"From?"

"Santa…San Diego. What about you? What do you do" he asked turning the attention away from him and to her.

"I work at the Puna Kula Marine Lab in Oahu as a marine biologist. I've been there for a few years now," she said without looking up as she put the first aid supplies away.

"Oh? You're a marine biologist?" he asked uneasily, struggling to remember if NIMR had had any contracts with Puna Kula.

"Yep."

"What…uh what area of research?"

"Coral reefs and their decline, right now. Ever since I earned my doctorate from the University of Hawaii, I've spent most of my time diving, examining our coral and coral around the world that are dying off."

"That's interesting research," he said glancing at her quickly. She smiled and stared at him closely until Harry looked away. "What theories are you positing to the decline?"

"Theories? You sound like more than just a sea tramp," she said laughing.

"I like to read. Marine biology is a…hobby," he finished lamely. He knew he was treading dangerous waters here but she was becoming very interesting to him. The attraction he felt for her coupled with her love of the sea was very appealing. The knowledge it had been a long time since he had talked with someone of theories and marine life eased his defenses and he relaxed.

The two scientists talked for awhile about coral reefs and the peril the world oceans were in until Harry realized it was late.

"I'm sorry to keep you up talking so long. I should go but it was a pleasure to have met you, Doctor Myers. I wish you luck in your research."

"Thank you. And please call me Cara," she said softly staring at him in question again. "You know, I keep thinking I know you but I don't know from where."

"I guess I have that kind of face," he said turning away quickly and opening the door.

"No, I don't think you do. But I do thank you for intervening in my disagreement with Jimmy."

"My pleasure," Harry said softly. "Good night."

Cara closed the door behind Harry and stared at it for a few minutes. "I know I know you, Harry but from where?" Shaking her head, she turned away and headed for her bed, knowing her alarm would be going off way too soon.

Harry walked slowly back to his boat, not relishing the idea of the long night ahead. It had been so good to talk to someone about the things he was passionate about. Dr. Myers' research was interesting and if he were still the head of NIMR he would have welcomed her to do some studies under NIMR sponsorship. But, he wasn't and he couldn't offer her anything right now. Maybe once he left the Islands he could put her in touch with Lucius.

Reaching his boat, he sighed and climbed aboard. Another long night stretched out in front of him. He only hoped the nightmares stayed away tonight. Going below, he grabbed a bottle of Scotch and poured some into a glass, climbed back up on the deck and seated himself wearily, vainly trying to see the stars through the lights that outlined the piers.

He sipped the drink as he thought over the past weeks. The long sail had been rather uneventful save for a few storms, one that had threatened to derail his plans, and a period of a few days with no winds that had sorely tried his patience as he waited for the wind to freshen. He'd thought that by now he would be adjusting to the situation…the loneliness…but found his heart ached just as much as it did when he'd first left. Finishing his drink, he sighed as he thought of his friends, wondering what the day ahead held for them. And him.

"Good night, Lee, Chip," he whispered as he looked in the general direction of California, rose and went below, not looking forward to what the new day might bring.

~O~

The next day, Harry, to his disgust, awoke rather late again and after a quick meal, hurried out, looking for someone to make the repairs he needed to his boat as soon as possible. Finally after a few hours wandering around and asking for suggestions from some of the other boat owners at the marina, he headed for a small repair shop called KLK Marine Services.

Rounding a corner he saw the shop ahead and headed for it with a small smile.

"Hello?" he called as he entered the shop, looking about at the array of parts and equipment.

"Hey! You need somethin'?" a tall Hawaiian man with long black hair pulled back into a pony tail, called out from behind Harry.

"Yeah, I do. I got caught in a storm a few days ago. Lost my antenna and my storm sail. I also sprung a leak in one of my forward hatches that soaked my electronics. I need a new autopilot and radio if you have one as well as someone to fix my hatch, sail and antenna," Harry said. "Is there any chance I could get repairs done soon?"

"Well, that storm did a lotta damage to a lotta boats. I'm kinda busy," he said with a grimace as he looked about at the work that needed doing.

Harry frowned as it was the same answer he'd gotten from the other places he'd been to. Being this close to Pearl was making him very itchy to be away.

"How about if I throw in a bonus?" he asked, trying a new tactic. "You get the repairs done by the end of the week and I'll give you an extra $500?"

The Hawaiian looked at Harry in speculation for a moment, taking in the quality of the clothes the man wore and, deciding he was good for the money, agreed. "Well, that might help. Give me your info and I'll see what I can do. What marina you at?"

"Lanikai. Over on…"

"I know the place. I can head over there…late this afternoon? Say…4:00? Check things out? See what you need and what I got."

"That sounds great. I'll be there. Here's my boat slip number and my boat's name," Harry said with a relieved smile as he wrote the slip number and the boat name down on a piece of paper and handed it to the man, assuring him he'd be around and left.

Pleased he'd found someone at least interested in helping him get back to sea and his journey, he walked aimlessly down the street gazing in storefronts when he felt the first pangs of hunger. Glancing about for a place to eat, he spotted a little restaurant not far from the marina he was docked at called Keilani's Café and headed for it.

Entering, he pulled his ever-present sunglasses from his face and was surprised to find the place packed with diners. He was just about to turn around and head back out when he felt someone bump him from behind.

"Oh I'm sorry!" a familiar voice said. "So many people in here today. I…Harry? Is that you?"

Turning to the woman who had bumped into him, he smiled weakly at her. "Dr. Myers, I…what a surprise."

"It's Cara and yes it is. I see you found one of the best cheap eats on the island!" she said with a big smile.

"Ah…if you say so. Looks like I won't be trying any of their offerings today," he said with a weak grin, gesturing to the crowd.

"Yes, it is crowded. Usually is around this time of the day though."

"Yes, well, I think I'll head out and look for a slightly less crowded place. It…it was good to see you again," he said, nodding to Cara and turning away.

"Harry! I…I have a table already if you'd like to share," Cara called to him before he got to the door. "I was just getting some mustard."

"I wouldn't want to intrude," he said trying to head out the door.

"You aren't. I'm all alone actually. Kind of makes me feel…like people are feeling sorry for me. You know? You're…you're welcome to join me," she said softly as she began to walk backwards towards her table, bumping into a few more people on the way.

A little voice inside Harry's head told him to run and he glanced at the door quickly. Another voice, a bit louder than the other, told him to stay. After a few seconds debate, and one large growl from his stomach, he chose the latter and followed her to a small table by a window. "I…I'd like that. Thank you."

"No problem. I'll enjoy the company."

"No friends or family to share your meal with?" Harry asked quietly as he looked over the menu.

"Oh, of course. But today's my day off and most of my friends are working right now. And my family…well, I don't need a lecture from my brothers about how I should find a man and settle down," she said in a disgusted tone and waving an interesting looking sandwich in the air. "Not that my social life, or any part of my life, is any of their concern."

"So, Jimmy isn't a viable dinner companion?" Harry asked in amusement.

Cara nearly choked on her food at his question. "Um…no. If my brothers knew about Jimmy's…let's say attentions…they'd be here in a flash to protect me."

"So not datable material. I would have to agree. Where did you meet him anyway?"

"Jimmy runs scuba tours out of Waikiki. I went there a few weeks ago with some friends to take a dive tour out to Turtle Canyon to watch sea turtles. Jimmy fixated on me it seems. He shows up in a disturbing number of places that I find it hard to believe are a coincidence."

"Sounds like a stalker," Harry said with a scowl after he'd ordered a cheeseburger and fries. "I still say you should contact the police."

"Yes. I suppose. Hopefully he got the message last night."

"Hopefully," Harry said quietly as he tried to avoid looking at the woman across from him who seemed to study him closely.

"Uh, so there isn't a special man in your life?" Harry asked, immediately kicking himself at the question. _What are you doing, Nelson?_ _You need to go. Now. Before she figures out who you are. Stop sitting here asking her questions about her social life._

"Not right now," Cara said quietly, apparently not bothered by the question. "I…was engaged. A few years ago. Luckily, I saw him for what he was and dumped him. My work usually keeps me pretty busy. And happy. What about you? Anyone special?"

"No. No, there's no one special," he said softly as Maria's face floated in front of him again, unwilling to talk to the woman across from him about his loss.

At that point, Harry's meal came and he began to wolf it down, deciding he needed to get out of there and away from Cara's probing 'I know I know you' gaze.

Their meals devoured, Harry took the check before Cara could grab it and stood. "My treat. Payment for allowing me to share your table. And for your first aid skills," he said with a smile, gesturing to his leg.

"Thank you but that's not necessary."

"Ah but it is," he said in "a don't argue" voice.

"Well, thank you," she said softly as Harry paid and they left the small restaurant, walking down the street.

"So what's on today's exciting agenda?" she asked after a few moments.

"Not much. I've been oversleeping lately and got a late start to the day. But I finally found someone that may be able to make repairs on my boat quickly so that, coupled with a lunch spent with a beautiful woman, makes the day a pretty good one already."

Cara shook her head and smiled. "You always such a flatterer?"

"I've been told that a few times, yes," he said with a bark of laugh. "But it's only flattery if it's not true and not given to further one's own interests."

"So no hidden agenda with you?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

Harry was silent for a moment then said, "No, Cara. No hidden agenda."

Cara watched him out of the corner of her eye as they walked down the street, feeling once again a strong sense of familiarity coupled with a deep attraction for the enigma that walked beside her. Intelligent, educated, handsome and well off, he was definitely not the humble transient sailor who dabbled in marine biology that he wanted her to think he was.

"Well, I should head back to the marina. I have someone coming shortly to look over my boat. Hopefully start repairs on it today," he said when they had reached the marina. "It…it was a pleasure to see you again. Thank you again for sharing your table."

"It was my pleasure, Harry. I…I hope to see you again."

"Yes, well…I don't know how long I'll be here but it was good to meet you. Good luck in your research," he said as he started to back away down the pier.

"Thank you," she said softly as he turned and walked away. She watched him for a time as he headed out to the outermost pier of the marina and frowned. "Who are you really, Harry? I know I know you. There's just something about those eyes of yours when you don't have those blasted sunglasses on. So frustrating," she said as she turned and walked off, fuming at the fact she could not place how she knew him.

Harry watched from his boat as Cara walked away. "You're flirting with discovery, Nelson. Keep this up and she'll figure it out," he said to himself.

"You talking to me?" a voice from the bow of his boat asked.

Startled, Harry walked down the deck to find the man from the repair shop sitting on the deck, the broken hatch beside him.

"I thought you said 4:00?" Harry said glancing at his watch and wondering how long he had been at lunch with Cara.

Giving an inelegant shrug, the man said, "I had some free time. So…I come check your problems. Autopilot easy fix. I got a spare in my shop. Radio I can get tomorrow maybe. Hatch and antenna…not so easy to fix. Have to order both. I don't see many boats like this one so I don't have the spares. Sail…I have someone that will fix you up with that. Be here tomorrow morning. Or the next."

Harry sighed and ran a hand over his face. "How long to get the parts for the antenna and hatch?"

If I put the order in now…day after tomorrow or day after that. Depends if the place has them in stock. Might be longer."

"Not sooner?"

"Nope. You want me to order them?"

"Yes. Yes please," Harry said, trying to tamp down his impatience as the repairman put the broken hatch back on and stood.

"I'll let you know when the parts come in. My sail guy can be here tomorrow. Probably. No need for you to be here. You can pay me and I'll pay him."

"Thank you. I do appreciate you taking the time to come down," he said as he escorted the repairman off the boat and watched him walk slowly up the pier.

"Looks like I'm here for the duration. What am I going to do for the next few days stranded here?" he said out loud. Smiling, he thought that there were probably more than a few people that would love to be stranded in paradise.

But Harry felt as if his forced beaching was going to cost him. He was too close to a major naval base. And too close to a woman that knew him but hadn't figured out how yet. A woman that he found himself strangely attracted to. "All I have to do is stay out of her way. Easy on an island this size," he said with a shrug. Sighing he went below. "You really need to stop talking to yourself, Nelson before they put you away."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Two days later, and no further word on when the parts for his boat would be in other than they were on the way, Harry felt as if he would explode if he didn't get off the boat. He'd spent almost the whole time either below reading, making notes or drawing schematics for new inventions in one of his many notebooks, swimming or walking on the spacious beach by the marina and talking on the nearby pay phone to Lee and Edith, who was beginning to be resigned to the situation and talked civilly with him. So far he'd managed to avoid seeing the woman that could in one fell swoop, derail his whole plan. Yet a part of him was inexplicably disheartened that they hadn't crossed paths again. He couldn't figure out the logic in that except that he felt a definite attraction to her: an attraction that caused guilt to flare within him as if he were being unfaithful to Maria.

Sighing at the path his thoughts had taken, he decided that he'd had enough of sitting around waiting, and hiding, and longed to take a tour out to The _USS Arizona _memorial_._ A friend of his from home had been on the _USS_ _Arizona_ and was still entombed in the ship below the waters. Whenever he was in Pearl he tried to make the trip to pay his respects to Lieutenant Edward Bourne.

Walking to a mirror, he stared into it, looking left then right, and decided with dark sunglasses on, he shouldn't be easily recognizable to anyone that knew him and he smiled. Happy he had a destination for the day; he grabbed a cab and headed out, stopping at a flower stand to purchase flowers. He knew he was flirting with being spotted being that close to Pearl Harbor, but he felt sure he could get there and back undiscovered and unrecognized.

A short ride later, Harry arrived at the Visitor Center where he purchased a ticket for the _USS Arizona_ tour as well as for the _USS Bowfin_, a submarine from WWII, nicknamed the "Pearl Harbor Avenger" since it sank 44 enemy ships. He sat through the documentary he practically had memorized before boarding the boat that would take him to the Memorial.

Arriving at the dock, Harry felt seriously underdressed. Since he was still navy and on Pearl Harbor Naval Station property, he should have been dressed properly in his military dress. So it was with a pang of guilt he walked across the walkway to the memorial and stopped to look down. Below he could see the outline of the _Arizona_ and bubbles of oil occasionally come to the surface. He thought of the men who had been killed in the attack on Pearl Harbor and he grieved for them and for Eddie who had been so young when he died. Why was there so much death in the world? A beautiful place such as Hawaii and here were men that had lived and died, never to be recovered or returned to their families. He always felt the same emotions roll through him as he watched the black tears, oil that still bubbled from the wreck, rise from the old ship—anger, sadness, respect, and honor.

He took the flowers he had purchased, tore them from the stalks, tossed them into the water and watched them float in the iridescent rings of oil. More flowers appeared beside his, reaching out to gently nudge his and he smiled.

"Harry?"

Startled, he heard the voice call him and looked up to find that Cara had been the one who'd thrown the flowers by his.

"Cara?" he called as he walked hesitantly to her side.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you there. The sun's so bright today," she said shading her eyes from the glare.

"Yes it is. A loved one?" he asked, gesturing to the flowers she had thrown.

"My uncle. He was only twenty-one when the ship went down. He's still down there. How about you?"

"A good friend from home," he said sadly. "Still there."

Cara stared at Harry seeing the sadness on his face; a face that was covered in a bushy beard, eyes covered in dark glasses and auburn hair that curled wildly in the sea air. He was a handsome man and she felt, again as she had the past two times they'd been together, a flare of attraction to him but the feeling she knew him persisted and she pursed her lips in consideration.

"I always find this place to be haunting. But also peaceful. Does that make any sense?" she asked.

"It does. Perhaps it's because of the way they died: afraid, in pain, confused. But they're at peace now. And they're not forgotten but honored. If they have any way of knowing, I suppose it gives them peace," he said as he continued to stare at the water below.

"Well, I guess we should be getting back to the boat before it leaves without us," she said after a moment when she once again could not figure out why she felt she knew him.

"Yes, yes, we should," he said, waiting until she turned away before stepping back and smartly saluting the men that lay below him. "Thank you. Rest in peace," he whispered. He started to walk to the boat when he saw Cara had turned back and had seen his salute.

"You're Navy?"

"I…I was."

"How long were you in?" she asked as Harry started to walk away.

"A long time," he said softly.

Cara looked at him thoughtfully for a moment but decided to let his statement go and her questions remain unasked as she felt his reticence.

The ride back to the Visitor Center was accomplished in peace as Harry had no desire to engage in conversation. Before when he had come, he was usually accompanied by Lee or Sharkey, who also had a friend below the waters of Pearl Harbor, and they knew the reason for his silence. Cara seemed to know also and he was impressed.

When they had reached the end of the tour, Cara waited for Harry to walk to her side. "So what else do you have planned for the day?"

"I have tickets for the _USS Bowfin _tour actually."

"Ugh, a submarine. I tried going on that one time and I had to leave. Much too small for me!"

Harry laughed lightly. "Submarines are not for everyone," he said as he walked her back to the Center.

"I…I suppose this is where we saw good-bye again," Harry said softly, strangely disappointed.

"Yes. Yes I suppose so. It's been a pleasure to see you again, Harry."

"The pleasure was mine," he said with a little smile and a nod to her. He began to walk off when Cara suddenly said, "You know…I could give that whole submarine thing another shot. If I want to study the ocean floor, I should be able to stand confined spaces. Right?" she asked nervously.

Smiling slightly, and with a surge of anticipation, Harry nodded. "Right."

Cara purchased a ticket and hurried to catch up to Harry who stared off into the distance, lost in thought.

"Ready?" he asked when she came up to him.

"I guess so," she said nervously.

"Come on," he said with a laugh and a gentle guiding hand on her elbow.

The pair made their way slowly down the first ladder and moved at their own pace through the tube, Harry explaining much of what they saw.

"The _Bowfin_ was launched exactly one year after the attack on Pearl Harbor and was nicknamed Avenger. She went on to sink at least 44 ships. I think she ranked fifteenth of all the 188 submarines that were credited with sinking enemy vessels."

"You sure know a lot about her. Did you serve on her?"

"No. I just…like useless trivia, especially if it's about the sea or submarines. If I'm boring you I'll stop," he said with a smile.

"You're not boring me. I find anything about the sea fascinating, also. Always have. Ever since I was a young girl. My father didn't know what to do with me but he brought me to Hawaii when I was young so I blame him. I mean all this water and the most fascinating stuff under it!"

Nelson laughed. He had a definite affinity to this woman and it seemed to grow every minute he was in her presence. "Well, we seem to be at the end of the tour," he said with a smile as he saw Cara's look of surprise.

"I got through the boat? Without panicking?"

"Yes. Feel better?" Harry asked smiling.

"Well, what do you know about that!" she said. "I guess all your talking gave me something to focus on other than the fact we were in a small tube."

"I'm glad to know I was useful," he said with a bark of laughter as they made their way off the submarine and headed back to the Visitor Center.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, suddenly not willing for the time with the woman at his side to end. The thought of returning to his boat where only the sound of boat motors or the laughter of children filled the silence was repugnant.

"Starved," she said animatedly "But could we find a decent restaurant? I'm not much for the touristy food here."

"Lead on," he said.

"Did you drive?" she asked.

"No. I took a cab."

"Well my car is right over there," she said as they walked to a small blue Toyota that had seen better days.

She drove them to a little restaurant that, according to her, served the best poke anyway. "Do you know what poke is, Harry?"

"Yes, yes I do but I've never tried it. Uncooked fish has never been my idea of a good meal."

"I know the owner. Nice guy. Big guy," she said. "He'll treat us to a good meal."

The little restaurant called Ohanas was in a shopping mall that was well away from the main drag of Honolulu and Harry relaxed a bit. There would be less chance of seeing some naval officer or someone that knew him here. He knew he was flirting with being found out, not only by some passing friend or acquaintance, but also by the woman at his side. But he was enjoying his time with Cara and didn't want it to end.

"Kimo!" she called as she entered the little shop. "I've brought a friend that's never had poke before! Two orders!" She yelled to the big, Hawaiian cook.

"Two poke!" he yelled back as Nelson grimaced.

"Don't worry! One bite and if you don't like it, or get sick, we'll find something else."

Harry shook his head. "Looks like I'm having poke today," he said forlornly.

"It's really very good, you know," she said with a smile.

"Let me be the judge of that," he said laughing.

Way too soon, Kimo approached with a bowl of raw ahi tuna, spiced with sea salt, soy sauce and seaweed. Harry stared down at it. He had managed to avoid eating poke every time he had been to the Islands but now it stared up at him, daring him to try it.

He picked up the chopsticks and waited until Cara took hers and had picked up the first chunk and chewed it. Frowning, Nelson picked up the smallest piece he could find, chewed it quickly and swallowed.

"Well?" Kimo and Cara asked at the same time.

"It's interesting," Harry said in surprise. "Not bad at all."

"I take that as a compliment," Kimo said slapping him on the shoulder as he strolled off.

"Do you want something else?" Cara laughed. "They have great Kalua pork."

"No actually, I think I'll stick to the poke," he said, surprising himself.

The two ate in silence for a time, Cara continuing to cast glances at Nelson. She knew that she knew him but couldn't figure out from where. There was just something about the eyes.

A half hour later, they left the restaurant and headed back to Cara's car.

"Well, what's on your busy agenda for the rest of the day?" she asked.

"Uh, that was pretty much it. The tour and maybe finding out when I can get repairs to my boat done. Shouldn't take this long," he said grumpily.

"Island time, Harry. No one's in a hurry."

"Might be faster to buy a whole new autopilot, antenna, radio and sail and install them myself, although I still need someone to fix the hatch I suppose," he said, knowing another storm would cause the same damage or more to his electronics**.**

"You in a hurry to go back to sea again?" she asked sadly. She was beginning to enjoy this man's company and she didn't relish the thought of him leaving. Especially not until she figured out where she knew him from.

Harry stared at her for a moment. "Not really," he said after a moment, finding himself surprised at the admission.

"Not as much fun as you thought it would be?"

Harry didn't know how to answer that. He wasn't doing it for fun although he did think he would be enjoying it more than he was.

"No," he said briefly. "Not so much."

"Then it doesn't matter how long it takes to get your repairs done, does it?"

"Well, there are people I was trying to keep in contact with back home," he said as Lee's face came to mind. He'd called since he'd arrived and knew Lee was worried that he had no way of contacting Nelson if the need arose.

"How about I drive you back to your boat?" she said.

"Sounds good," he said knowing he should try calling Lee again but not wanting the day, or his time with Cara, to end.

She drove him to the marina she knew his boat was docked at and parked in a spot nearby. "Which one's yours?"

"The one on the end here, _The Icarus_."

"Strange name for a boat."

"It fits," Nelson said sadly as he got out. He leaned down and looked in the window. "You know, if you don't have any place to be, I could give you the grand tour of _The Icarus._ It'll take, oh, one, two minutes," he said suddenly unwilling to say good-bye.

"I'd like that. I love to sail," she said as she got out of the car.

"Do you have a boat of your own?"

"My father has a sailboat. I don't. Poor marine biology researchers like me don't have the money for that. Especially when their hours have been cut," she said sadly.

"Why have your hours been cut?" he asked as they walked down the pier to his boat.

"Funding problems. We can't seem to find a large research lab to help fund our research on dying coral reefs so we've taken pay cuts until we do," she said as she stepped aboard. "I've been spending a lot of the past year or so attending conferences hoping to get the attention of some large research lab or school or someone to fund the lab. Since we're small and are focusing mostly on coral reef decline, no one seems interested."

"Hmmm," was all Harry could say. He was beginning to wonder if she had been at NIMR at some point presenting her research or if the small research lab she worked at was looking to partner with NIMR on coral death research. If so, he couldn't recall the incident or any proposals from Puna Kula crossing his desk. But the thought filled him that if she had been to NIMR that was why he felt he knew her. Or perhaps they had attended the same conferences in the past year. And if he felt he knew her from a visit to NIMR then maybe she would in all likelihood remember him. Even with all the hair on his face and head, he suspected he still looked like the old Nelson. But for some reason, he was beginning to not care if she recognized him.

"Well, this is the deck, where my long days and some of my nights are spent," he said waving at the deck of the sailboat before walking down the steps. "And down here is where I cook and sleep when I feel safe doing so."

"Safe? You don't sleep when you're sailing?"

"Safer to stay awake when sailing singlehanded. I usually catnap. If I had someone sailing with me, we would take turns sleeping but as it's just me…I nap."

"Sounds exhausting," she said with a smile as she examined the quarters. "It's kind of… cozy."

"If you mean small," he laughed. "Yes it is. But it's all I need. Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee?"

"Actually, coffee sounds wonderful if it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble. Sit and I'll brew some."

Cara gazed about the interior of the sailboat, wondering what it would be like to sail across the ocean for long days at a time on her. She shook her head as she thought it must be quite lonely and perhaps a bit scary to be all alone on the open sea. She walked towards the bow of the boat and saw two pictures hanging on the wall. One was of a woman that must be some relation to Harry as their features and coloring were very similar. The second picture was of two men, one blond and one dark haired, with their arms on the shoulders of a man she immediately recognized as Harriman Nelson, founder of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. Big smiles graced their faces and Cara gave a start as she recognized the one man as Lee Crane. Cara had been at a symposium at the Nelson Institute of Marine Research almost two years ago and remembered Crane as the Captain of Nelson's submarine, _Seaview_.

She stared harder at the picture of Nelson and frowned. Turning, she stared at the man who was pouring coffee into two mugs and recognition finally slammed into her: the eyes, the hair all screamed Admiral Harriman Nelson to her now. How could she have been so blind? When he looked up at her the smile dropped from his face as he saw the shock on her face.

She looked back to the photo and pointed to it, then looked back to Harry. "You're Harriman Nelson?" she asked angrily.

He stared at her for a long time before answering. He set the mugs down and sat at the table, cursing himself for forgetting about the picture. "Yes, I'm Nelson," he said sadly, knowing he'd have to leave the Islands and soon.

"Why the charade? Why the 'I'm just Harry' shit? Are you on some kind of mission?" she asked, knowing he worked for various security organizations.

It was a long time before Harry answered. He ran his hands repeatedly over the sides of his head, trying to come up with an answer. "The only mission I'm on," he said quietly, "Is the mission to keep the people I care about safe."

"I don't understand. How are you doing that?"

For the next few minutes Harry told her how he felt he was protecting his friends.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," she said.

"Well, don't hold back!" Nelson said angrily.

"I won't! From what I know of NIMR and those guys on the wall over there, they care about you. Your _people_ care about you!"

"Yes, they do and they get hurt because of me. A few months ago I was on my way to a symposium in Long Beach. My caravan of several security people was attacked. Eight men died and Lee Crane and I were seriously wounded."

"I remember that. I was in Long Beach trying to get funding. I knew you were presenting a paper and wanted to speak to you. But…"

"But my men and I were gunned down," Nelson said harshly. "Eight men, one about to be a father, died. And I saw Lee fall. I thought he was dead. For a long time afterward I was in a coma, but I knew, somehow I knew, that Lee was dead."

"But he wasn't."

"No. But someday he will be because of me. So…I removed myself from the equation so to speak," he said spreading his hands wide. "If I'm not around, he and my other friends stay safe."

"Don't you think that's their choice to make?" Cara said walking to him.

"No. They would choose to stand by my side and I can't…I won't… watch them die because of me," Nelson said angrily, his voice catching.

Cara felt Nelson's anguish and didn't know how to respond. "What are you going to do now?"

Nelson sighed heavily and rubbed his brow. "I guess that depends on you?"

"Me? Why me?"

"For the past couple of months I've managed to stay hidden, except for briefly in Oregon. No one's known where I am. So my question is, what are you going to do with what you know?" he asked quietly as he raised his eyes to hers.

"You mean am I going to tell anyone? Is that what you're asking?" Cara asked, irked.

"Um, yes," Nelson said, not liking the way Cara's face had deepened to a bright crimson color.

"What kind of person do you take me for? Besides, who would I tell? Other than my dad, who you served with by the way, and would love to see you again I'm sure, I don't know anyone that would care one fig that you're…well OK, the lab people might but I don't have any desire to tell them who you are. It's not my business and _sure_ isn't theirs. Why would you think I'd tell anyone? Get you killed or something? Sheesh," she continued, walking agitatedly around the cabin. "I don't understand what you think you're accomplishing by giving up everything you…"

Nelson watched as Cara paced back and forth in front of him, talking animatedly, then stood abruptly, walked to her, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her soundly.

Surprised for a second, she sighed then returned the kiss. After a few seconds, Nelson pulled away and looked down into her eyes.

"What the hell did you do that for?" she asked breathlessly, taken aback at the look of surprise mixed with guilt on Harry's face.

"I…I don't know," he said with confusion in his voice. "Seemed the fastest way to make you stop talking for one and for two, I guess I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw you but..."

"Really? That night in the bar? You wanted to kiss me then?"

Nelson nodded slightly. "But then we got into that big fight with your friends and…"

"And you thought better of it?"

"Let's just say you scared the hell out of me with whatever you hit that guy in the crotch with," he said smiling.

"If I start talking again will you kiss me to shut me up?" she asked with a tentative smile.

He hesitated for a second then just as he leaned in to shut her up again, he heard a pounding on the deck.

"Hey! Mr. Harry! You here? We got your antenna. All fixed! Want us to put it up now?"

"What terrible timing," he said quietly as he lay his head on her forehead. "I don't think I like this Island time stuff. I'll be right back."

Cara sank to the chair by the table in shock as she thought over the past few minutes. Harry was Harriman Nelson? And she'd just kissed him? She put her fingers to her lips and smiled slightly. Good lord what was she doing? She sat there for a long time while she heard Harry talking to the men above. She felt like such an idiot. How could she have not recognized the man?

Finally after an eternity, Harry came below and stared at her for a moment. "They're putting the antenna up," he said, gesturing up on deck.

"I hear," she said staring at him blankly.

Harry walked over grabbed the coffee pot and poured them fresh coffee and sat by her side.

"Is everything all right?" he asked quietly. "I…I guess I shouldn't have…"

"No, it's not the kiss. Well, it is the kiss but I'm just confused. Earlier today you were just a transient sailor and now you're…you know who," she said quietly.

"I was…you know who…a few days ago and earlier today. Same man."

"No, not to me. I mean, I…I can't talk about this now," she said looking to the roof and nodding her head in the direction of the workmen.

"They'll be done soon," he said with a frown.

True to his word, the workmen finished, landing loudly on the deck and calling below, "All done, Mr. Harry!"

Harry walked up on deck and thanked the men. "You have any problems, you call us! We fix you up good!"

"I'll certainly keep you in mind. Thanks," he said as he ushered them off the boat.

He walked down the companionway and with his arms still on the deck above, leaned toward her, his head leaning on one arm. "So? Want to talk now?"

"It doesn't matter," she said rising and trying to go around him, which he was having none of.

"Look, let me call home, check in with my friends, then we can go somewhere and talk."

Sighing heavily, Cara agreed after a moment's thought.

Nelson smiled and tried to raise Lee or whoever was near the radio. A short moment later, Lee answered. "Admiral? Are you all right? It's been a few days!"

"I'm fine, Lee. Just got the antenna back up and it seems to be working well. Just waiting on some other repairs. How are things there?" For the next few minutes, the two friends caught up on things at the Institute. Cara, feeling like an eavesdropper, went up on deck and sat down, her mind spinning. What was she doing? And more importantly what was she _going_ to do? She couldn't believe she was on Harriman Nelson's boat much less that he had kissed her. The thought overwhelmed her. She'd been trying for a few years to talk to him of her research and now he was here and all she felt like doing was running away. It made no sense.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "I…I can't." She went below and said loudly, "I can't do this, Harry…Admiral…oh whatever you want to be called. I have to go... I…I won't tell anyone. I promise but I can't stay."

Harry cut off the transmission but he knew Lee had heard some of that.

"Please, stay. We need to talk. Well, I need to talk," he said ignoring Lee's calls asking him what was wrong and who he was with.

"I'm sorry. I…can't," she said quickly as she turned and ran out.

"Cara! Please…"

"Admiral? Admiral, are you there?" Lee called.

"I'm here, Lee," he said tiredly. "And please call me Harry?"

"All right, but it'll be hard…Harry. Who was that? Who's with you?"

Nelson was quiet for a bit. "Just a friend, Lee."

"Uh huh. A female friend?"

"I can hear that smirk on your face all the way here in…well, here. Wipe it off!"

"Yes, sir," Lee said with a smile in his voice. "Smirk is gone, sir. Now since you have your antenna back, what are you going to do now? Keep running?"

"That would be sailing, Lee, not running. And…I don't know yet. I'm kind of enjoying it here," he said with a small smile.

"Tell me where you are and I can enjoy it, too. And meet this woman," he said devilishly.

"Woman? Who has a woman?" a faint voice he recognized as Chip's came on.

"It seems the admiral does," Lee said. "Oh, Chip just came in, Ad…Harry."

"And Angie!" another voice called.

"Is anyone doing any work there?" Nelson asked, flustered.

"Nope. Our boss left us all alone," Angie said.

"Which boss?" Harry asked.

"All of them. You, Starke, Park. Nothing's getting done sir and the Institute is going to hell in a hand basket. You should come back and take over," Angie said.

"Well, I think we should talk about this mystery woman. What do you know about her?" Lee asked with fake sternness.

"Lee, I… I never said I had…let's get back to the subject of…"

"Your woman?" Lee asked, laughing.

"Captain! I don't see how it is any of your business. Now can we stop the grade school stuff? How is everyone?"

For the next few minutes, Harry managed to keep his friends talking about what they were doing while he wondered where Cara had gone and whether she would ever talk to him again. He seemed to be making messes everywhere.

After a few minutes the conversation waned and he heard Chip and Angie say good-bye and tell him to be safe and come home.

"They're right, Harry. Come home," Lee said quietly.

"I…I wish I could, Lee. I really do. But…I need to do this," he said quietly.

"Well, I don't understand but I want you to be happy so…be happy. We miss you."

For a long time Harry was silent. "I miss all of you, too. Take care, Lee. Out."

He placed the microphone back in its cradle and sat down at the table, Cara's coffee cup still there untouched. "You've made a mess of everything, haven't you, Nelson?" he muttered as he rested his forehead on his fists and sighed.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Later that night, confusing thoughts swirling about in his tired mind, Harry headed down to the beach near the marina and began to walk, not really caring where he went. He'd enjoyed talking to Lee, Chip and Angie so much. He'd had no idea how much he would miss the joking and laughter and the missions and projects and even the blasted budget reviews when he'd first concocted his plan. For the first time since he'd decided to leave, he began to doubt that what he had done was right. The haunting faces that usually came to him immediately took longer to arrive than usual, but they were still there, accusing him. The nightmares that had plagued him incessantly were easing, also. But he _couldn't_ go back. Not now. Maybe not ever but for the first time he was beginning to think that there was _maybe_ a time in the future when he could. He just didn't know any more. Not about going home and not about his feelings for Cara: feelings that confused and surprised him.

For a long time, he just walked, thinking, wondering, questioning, when suddenly he felt a hand on his and startled, pulled back.

"Easy there, Harry. It's just me," Cara said quietly. "I was walking and saw you. I…I thought we could walk together."

"If you want," he said as they continued down the beach, Harry's hand reaching out to clasp Cara's. He waited to see if she objected but she clasped his tighter and he smiled.

"Everything good at home?"

"Yes. They seem happy. I guess."

"You miss them," she said. "I can hear it in your voice."

"Yes. I miss them. They're my family."

They walked in silence for a bit before Cara said quietly, "Tell me about her."

Surprised, Nelson stopped walking and stared at the woman by his side. "Tell you about who?"

"The woman that put that look of guilt on your face when you kissed me," she said softly looking him in the eye. "Are you married? Engaged? Involved?"

"No! No, it's…it's not like that," he said as he started to walk off.

"Then what is it?" she asked as she followed.

Nelson sighed and stopped, turning to look down into her eyes. "I…I was married. A few years ago I…I married the woman I'd been in love with for many years. I'd been told she was dead and believed it. I grieved then…moved on," he said with a catch in his voice. "But she wasn't dead. I found her again and we married. But…she was killed trying to protect me. End of story."

"Whoa…end of story?" she said when he started to walk on. "I don't think so. How was she killed?"

Stopping again, he turned his focus to the waters gently lapping on the sandy beach, studiously avoiding Cara's probing gaze. "Maria was part of a rebel group from a small island nation fighting against a corrupt government. I was sent there as an advisor of sorts to the rebels years ago. Maria was part of the group I lived with. We fell in love from the moment we first laid eyes on each other I think," he said with a wistful look on his face. "She went out on a patrol one day and didn't come back. I was told she had died. I looked for her but…at the end of my mission there, I came back to the US believing her dead. A few years ago, I went back for another mission and discovered she was alive."

"And you married her?"

A smile flitted over Nelson's face as he remembered the hastily planned wedding. "Yes…I married her. In her village with her family and friends and my friends by our sides. I wasn't taking any chances this time. We left to go back to _Seaview_ and then home. There was a ceasefire called by both sides at that time and when we got to the beach…there…there was one lone government soldier who hadn't heard about the truce. He fired at us…Maria…Maria pushed me down and was hit. She…she died in my arms," he finished so softly she had to lean close to hear.

"I…I'm so sorry," she said laying a hand on his arm, surprised to find him shaking. "I…I never heard that you'd been married."

Harry took a deep breath and looked down into Cara's face, seeing the shock, the concern for him written there. "Only a few people know. It wasn't something I wanted people to know. At least people I wasn't close to."

"Another secret? How many more do you have?" she asked with an impish smile.

Harry shrugged. "Best not to think about it," he said with a grin tugging at his lips. "But, I seem to tell you my secrets way too easily."

"Does that bother you?"

"As long as you aren't working for one of my enemies…I suppose not," he joked as he took her hand and began to walk along the moon kissed beach again.

"I promise I'm not an enemy."

"That's good," he laughed as he looked down into her eyes, feeling once more the attraction between them and mentally shook his head. How could he feel such a pull to a woman he had just met? He was momentarily startled as Maria's smiling face came to him and he remembered how he'd felt the first time he'd seen her. Frowning at the memory, he slowed his pace a bit and glanced down at Cara in speculation for a second.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked when they had walked for a bit longer

Nelson sighed heavily before answering. "I don't know. The only thing I know for sure is that right now, I'm happy to stay here," he said as he tightened his hand in hers.

Cara smiled. "I'm glad."

"Do you have…uh, any plans for tomorrow?" Harry asked after they had turned around and headed back.

"Well tomorrow I'm going in to work for a bit," she said happily. "I have some experiments running that I want to ?"

"I was thinking of taking _The Icarus_ out. Maybe do some diving."

"Oh that sounds like fun but you shouldn't dive alone."

Nelson laughed heartily.

"What?" she asked confused at his laughter.

"You sound just like Lee."

"Well, are we wrong?"

"No. No, you're not."

"If you wait until Saturday, I can come with you. I'll show you the coral I've been studying that's been dying off. It's really very sad."

"It's a date," he said.

"And what will you do to stay out of trouble tomorrow."

"I'm a big boy. I'm sure I can find something to occupy my time," he said smiling at her. "I haven't been to Punchbowl in a while or the North Shore. Who knows? I think it's time I rented a car. I'm running out of places I want to walk to or take a cab to."

By now they had arrived back at the marina. Knowing her apartment was nearby he decided to walk her home.

When they had reached her apartment door, she opened it and looked up at Nelson uneasily. Reaching out, he ran a finger gently down her cheek, leaned down and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. "Good night, Cara. Sleep well," he said with a crooked smile before turning and walking away.

"Night, Harry," she said softly as she leaned against the door jamb and watched him walk off.

~O~

Saturday came with blinding sunshine streaming through the portholes of his boat and the squawk of children playing nearby. When he remembered that today was Saturday and his sailing date with Cara, he rose quickly and prepared for the day ahead, a day he was looking forward to.

By the time Cara arrived, Nelson was showered, dressed and ready for the day. He'd rented some diving equipment the night before and had it all checked out and ready to go.

"Morning," he said as she climbed aboard and came below. "Have you had breakfast?"

"Just a coffee. I ran a little late today."

"So am I. Sit and I'll make us something. How do pancakes and eggs strike you?"

"You're going to make me pancakes?" she asked with more than a touch of surprise in her voice.

"You doubt my culinary abilities. I'm hurt," Harry said placing his hand over his heart in a sad gesture.

"My apologies," she laughed.

"Actually, this small kitchen has been hard to adjust to," he said as he mixed batter and started making the pancakes. "I rarely have the time to do much in the way of cooking when I'm…home but when I have the chance I enjoy it. It's been hard adjusting to only having two burners, though."

By now the pancakes were turning the perfect golden brown color and the eggs were frying in another pan. "Why don't you head up on deck and I'll make us a couple plates. Coffee's already done so you may start on that if you like."

Cara grabbed the pot and two cups and headed up; seating herself up on the deck. She leaned her head back and enjoyed the feel of the sun on her face. She was really looking forward to this day. The thought of a nice long sail and a dive to cap it off…and Harry…filled her with joy. She was confused though about the feelings she was having for the man. She didn't know him yet in some ways it felt as if she had known him for years. It was hard for her to understand. Although they'd only been together for a week, in some ways it felt longer. Their evenings the past few nights had been spent at restaurants, talking as if they had known each other for longer than a few days, or walking on the beach discussing their mutual love: the ocean. She marveled at how easily he had fit into her life and how effortless he was to talk to. The fact he was Admiral Harriman Nelson, and not simply a fellow marine biologist, was something she tried hard not to dwell on as she was pretty sure she would find herself running off again. And that was something she didn't want to do.

"Well, here you go," Harry said, interrupting her thoughts and placing a plate on her lap that was overflowing with pancakes and eggs.

"Harry! I can't eat all this! I'll sink to the bottom!"

"No worries. I'll help you," he said with a mischievous wink.

She shook her head and commenced eating, surprised to find it was delicious but then she wasn't sure why she was surprised. Harry was a very capable man: a very _important_ capable man she reminded herself. She furtively shot a glance at him and found him eating heartily and she smiled. She was just going to enjoy the day and not worry about tomorrow. Or the day he sailed off. Or think about who he really was.

The two finished their breakfast and while Harry motored them out of the marina, Cara did the dishes and cleaned up.

The sail out to the dive site Cara had chosen would take a little over an hour and she sighed happily as she watched Harry sail the boat easily through the choppy waters. The sea and everything in it, even the things that scared most people about the ocean, were a source of wonder and delight to her. She smiled as she watched sea gulls turn and wheel in the freshening wind and laughed as dolphins rode the bow wake while sea turtles swam by heading in the opposite direction, their flippers moving effortlessly through the blue-green water.

"We should be at the site in a few minutes," Harry said as he turned to her with a grin on his face and his hair waving wildly in the wind.

Smiling, she got up and walked to him, standing beside him as he expertly sailed the waters of Oahu.

"You know, if you have time and you're still here, we could sail over to Maui and dive there next week. I know a few spots that aren't on the tourist or dive shop lists," she said as she sat on the deck by Harry.

Gazing down at her, Harry reached a hand out to lightly brush the hair from Cara's face. "I'll be here," he said with a slight smile.

Cara was silent for a moment as she stared up at Nelson, then looked away self-consciously. "We…uh… seem to be here. We should get ready. Don't you think?" she asked quietly after a moment.

"Yes, I suppose we should," he said with a slight grin, one that she caught as she turned back to him.

The two dove into the waters off Oahu and spent close to an hour exploring the reef below them that had at one time been vibrant and filled with life. They gathered specimens of the bleached coral for Nelson to study, hoping to find an answer to the coral degradation in the area.

"That's so sad," Cara said as she climbed aboard _The Icarus_ and towel dried her hair. "Such destruction."

"I agree," Nelson said sadly as he rubbed his auburn hair briskly with a towel, raising it into wild curls. "When did you first notice the bleaching in this area?"

"Oh, it's been progressing for a few years. Slowly at first but lately it's increased. All the usual tests we've done on the coral show no bacterial or chemical agent is responsible," she said as she wrapped a towel around her and sat by Nelson's side as he examined the coral samples. "We expected to see that bacteria were the cause of the coral death but were quite surprised to find that wasn't true."

"Water samples?"

"They show no sign of heavy metals as you would expect if there were copper or even cadmium in the water. Temperature has remained fairly constant over the past few years eliminating the supposed role of climate change."

"Supposed role? You don't believe global warming is real or you don't think it relates to coral death," Harry asked with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile.

"Oh I believe in global warming for sure. But the temperature here has been fairly constant…no huge increases or decreases of significance have been identified. All of which leads me to the conclusion something else is responsible."

"Hmmm…but what?" Harry asked as he examined the coral more closely. "Just what is causing this area to be decimated? No other areas of coral bleaching?"

"Oh my yes unfortunately. Most of the causal agents are what you would expect."

"Human causation," Harry said with a frown as he pondered the atrocities the world was inflicting on the oceans.

"Yes. Closer to shore there is of course evidence that development is causing coral reefs to die. Runoff from farms and mills is leaching into the sea. Dredging is increasing sedimentation limiting light to the reefs. And we've had some huge storms lately increasing the salinity of the ocean."

Nelson was impressed as he heard not only the results of the studies but the abject sadness in her words. She hated what was happening to the world's oceans and their reefs and life forms just as much as he did and it sent a shiver through him to know that he was forming a close bond with this woman who seemed to share not only his own love for the ocean, but his concern for it also.

"Well, you've eliminated the obvious answers to the causality, so what does that leave us with?" Harry asked, as he watched her closely with a slight smile.

Cara shrugged and turned her gaze to his. "Disease?"

"Exactly!" Nelson said happily as if a prized student had gotten the answer right. "But what kind of disease? What's causing it and how do we stop it?"

"Well, that's what we need to find out."

"Yes, that is what we need to find out," Harry said distractedly as he continued to examine the coral. "What is causing you to die? Hmm? If I had a lab I could…"

Cara looked up when Harry didn't continue and frowned at the look of sadness in his eyes and she knew he missed the things that made him the world's leading marine biologist: his laboratory, his books, his research. Her heart ached for this man that had given up all he had to protect, in his own misguided way, the people that he cared about.

She rose and went to him, wrapping an arm about him and, with her a hand on his chin turned his head to her until he was looking down into her eyes.

"Well, I do have a lab and no one, except for a few janitors, is there for the next day or two."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Ha! I forgot you're not a native! It's King Kamehameha Day tomorrow!" Cara laughed. "No one will be in until Monday. Late Monday, probably. We have the whole lab to ourselves for the rest of today and all day tomorrow!"

"It's King Kamehameha Day already?" Nelson laughed playfully. "Where did the time go?"

"Yes it is. Do you know what the holiday is?" she asked knowing most mainlanders had no clue.

"It's a day set aside to honor King Kamehameha the Great who unified the Hawaiian Islands in…1810 I think. I think there are usually parades and a ceremony at the statue of Kamehameha."

"I'm impressed," she said with a smile. "Have you ever been here for our holiday?"

"A few times when I've been on leave with the Navy or with…with _Seaview_. The last time was a few years ago when _Seaview_ was…when we needed some repairs done. We…the men had a good time as I recall," he finished softly. The mention of his submarine was an obvious knife to his heart and Cara was saddened once again for all he had given up.

"If you want, we can go to the lab," Cara said quietly as she watched the emotions flicker over Nelson's face as he stared out to sea.

Harry turned his gaze back to Cara and saw her perusal of him and he smiled. "Well, I had planned on spending more time out here with..."

"With?" Cara asked with a slight smile when he didn't continue, hoping she knew what he had been about to say.

"With you," he finished as he drew her to him and kissed her. She leaned into him and returned his kiss with one of her own and was shocked once again that he seemed to have such a hold on her. He pulled away from her a bit and gazed into her eyes. "What is it about you that I can't seem to get enough of?" he murmured as he drew a finger down her cheek. "Why does this feel so right?"

"I could ask the same thing about you," she whispered as she closed her eyes.

He leaned in for another kiss and Cara sighed happily. She didn't want to think about or wonder what was ahead. Right now she was happy; happier than she had been in a very long time. When she thought he was going to continue his kisses he leisurely broke away from her and gazed into her eyes. "I…I think maybe we should…head back," he said with an unsteadiness to his voice. "Before that storm catches up to us."

"Storm?" she muttered.

"Storm," he repeated in a steadier voice, as he looked over her shoulder.

Turning, she saw black storm clouds gathering on the horizon. "Oh, no! The forecast was clear for the whole day!" she said angrily.

"Well, science, particularly meteorology, is fraught with inaccuracies," Nelson laughed as he readied the boat for a quick return to shore. "I…had planned on a picnic lunch before we sailed back but perhaps we should wait until we get to shore. I don't want to risk being caught out here."

"I agree," Cara said, disappointed the picnic he had planned was ruined but happy he had planned a picnic at all. She was continually amazed at the man and shocked at the things she was beginning to feel. Shocked, and if the truth be known, scared.

The run back to shore was accomplished quickly and they just beat the storm to the marina where Nelson expertly moored his boat. Grabbing the lunch, the specimens and her hand in his, he sprinted up the pier to where he knew she had parked, laughing as the skies opened and a deluge of water caught them.

Slipping into her car quickly she laughed animatedly. "Oh my! I haven't run that fast in a long time!" she squealed as she wrung water from her sopping wet hair. Turning in her seat slightly, she smiled with bright eyes at her companion who stared at her with a slight smile on his lips, his curly auburn hair in wild disarray. Reaching up she brushed a lock of unruly curls from his forehead and let her fingers linger for a moment on his cheek.

"I uh…I guess we should go to the lab now," she said haltingly. "Make the most of the rest of the day?"

"That would probably be for the best," Harry said softly

Nodding, Cara started her car, backed it out of the parking spot and headed to her lab.

The drive to the lab was accomplished quickly and the pair hurried their way up to Cara's lab trying in vain to avoid the rain drops.

"Well, here we are," she said brightly. "Not as magnificent as what you're used to I'm sure, but to me it's home."

"Don't shortchange yourself or your lab, Cara," Nelson said as he strolled about the interior, his eyes lighting up as he felt the joy of being in a lab again. He breathed deeply and smiled as he felt the cool, clean air fill his lungs. Feeling as if he had come home after a long, long time, he reveled in the feel of the lab instruments that he touched and the fresh, sanitary air he breathed.

"It's a good feeling, isn't it," Cara asked, laying a gentle hand on Nelson's who turned to her, startled for a moment as if he had forgotten he wasn't alone.

"Yes, yes it is. It's like…like…"

"Like you've come home?" she asked, with a knowing smile.

"Exactly. How did you know?"

"I can see it in your face. You've missed this, haven't you? The instruments, the chemicals, the smell even."

Sighing, Nelson could only nod.

"Well, let's start finding out what's up with your coral, eh?" he said with a quick laugh.

Cara nodded and sat back to watch the world renowned marine biologist poke, prod and thoroughly examine the specimens they had brought back, awed that Admiral Harriman Nelson was in her lab using her instruments. Her lab!

"Well?" Cara asked after Nelson had examined the coral in every way she could think of and a few she hadn't.

"I suspect you've run the same tests I have so you know what I've found," he said as he laid the coral he had been testing aside.

"I have but I want to know what you think."

"Usually we see coral death as the result of something coming into the coral to destroy it."

"Such as bacteria or pollution."

"Correct! But as you've already deduced there's no evidence of bacterial invasion yet the coral acts as if it's been attacked by something.

"So since the death isn't a result of something coming in, it must be something internal," Cara posited.

"Precisely!" Nelson beamed.

"But what?"

"Have you ever heard of Programmed Cell Death?" Nelson asked, leaning towards Cara.

"As it applies to human or plant cells, of course. But coral?"

"Programmed Cell Death, or PCD, as you know, occurs in all organisms. It's a way for a plant cell or human cell to ward off an attack. It kills off an area around the infected cells creating a barrier of sorts. In some cases though, the cell death continues uncontrolled."

"So you're saying you think that's what's happening here?" Cara asked intrigued. "Our coral is committing suicide?"

Nelson laughed shortly. "In a way. I've actually seen a few other areas where the same thing has happened. Mostly off Australia on the Great Barrier Reef. It's a new theory actually and hasn't attained validity as of yet. Nor has there been much in the way of hands on research. Most scientists look to the known factors as the causes: causes we've already looked at and dismissed."

Cara pondered what Nelson had said and her heart sank. "If it is PCD, what can we do?"

"Well, not much can be done for the reef that has died. We have to look on a cellular level and look for the answers there. What is causing the coral to allow PCD to continue uncontrolled? Why isn't it shutting off? We have to look at genes and markers. Is the coral in control or is something outside causing it to spiral out of control. Once we find those answers, perhaps we can find a way to shut the PCD off or halt the destruction."

"Wow," Cara said. "I've been searching for the answer for months, years even, and you come in and in…what?...a few hours already have the answer," she said impressed.

"I may _believe_ PCD is what's causing it but not how to stop it or how to prove it. And this is just my theory. As I said, it hasn't been proven. There are more than a few scientists that have looked at the evidence and dismissed it."

"So this is your own theory?"

"Partly. NIMR has been working with laboratories in Australia, New Guinea and New Zealand. All the research says the same thing."

"Then why isn't it accepted? Why is no one other than a few labs working on it"?

Nelson sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Most insist the die offs are caused by pollution and refuse to look elsewhere even though it's apparent no bacterial or viral agents are responsible."

"Why?"

"Why? It's easier to explain? I don't know. As I said the PCD angle is new. And it doesn't really help the reefs unless we know how to reverse it or keep it from spreading."

"But you have an idea what's causing the PCD to go unchecked, don't you?" she asked gazing at him in admiration.

"I suspect…_suspect_…that we'll find global warming is unfortunately the root cause. Increases in temperature, even minor ones, could be viewed by the coral as an attack. But, it's all still speculation. There may be another simpler explanation we haven't found yet, one that would be easier to halt or reverse. Or it may be something unknown causing the die off. Perhaps something we've never seen before. The only way to know for sure is to do research on the areas affected."

Cara shook her head and sighed as she listened to Nelson's words. Once again it seemed the world's oceans were taking the brunt of the whole global climate change fiasco and no one seemed to care. Glancing up, she saw the same sense of frustration and sadness on Nelson's face and she amended her thoughts. Some cared, just as much as she did and she felt a flicker of hope.

Sensing her eyes on his, Nelson looked up and smiled. Almost as if he knew her thoughts, he said, "There's always hope, Cara. Even when the way seems dark."

She nodded briefly. "Well, that didn't take as long as I thought it might," she said with a laugh. "I guess we can indulge in your picnic lunch now although it's more of a late night snack. Let's head to my office."

With a smile, Nelson reached behind him for the basket and followed Cara out the door and to her office on the next floor.

"Let's put the food on the floor over here by the window and we can pretend at least we're outside, although it seems that storm is still booming."

Nelson nodded and placed the picnic basket on the floor. Opening it, he pulled a tablecloth from it and spread it on the floor. Kneeling he pulled items from it and placed them on the cloth. "You know, a few hours ago, this would have looked so much better than it does now," he said as he pulled a dripping container out of the melted ice he had put in it. "I'm not at all sure this is something we should attempt to eat."

Cara laughed at his crestfallen expression. "I agree. Somehow I don't think I want to risk that all this is still edible. Where did you get all this though?"

"Keilani's," he said with a big smile. "The owner was very accommodating. Especially when she knew it was for you."

"Well, we may not be able to eat your offerings but I do have some access to food here. I'll be right back," she said as she jumped up and ran from the room.

Nelson put the food back into the dripping basket, wiped his hands on the swim trunks he still wore, rose to his feet and walked about her office. Noticing a book shelf, he looked over the rows of books that lined the shelf and smiled at the titles he saw there: titles that were on his own shelf back home. He had such a connection to this woman it seemed. In the past he had encountered and worked with scientists such as Cara with whom he had shared a passion for science or the sea but never had he felt such a personal connection to them: physical yes, but not the personal one he felt with Cara. It was as if something he hadn't known he'd been looking for had been found. At that thought, Maria's beautiful face came unbidden to his mind and he sighed, then listened hard for her sweet voice but only felt a gentle puff of air from the ventilation on his an irritated breath from his mouth, he turned back to the books there, smiling as he saw a few of his own books among the titles.

"Well, it's not the wonderful picnic you planned but it is food. Of a sort," Cara said as she hurried into the room, her arms loaded with offerings from the vending machine down the hall. "I wasn't sure what you might like, so I brought a little of everything," she said as she dumped her bounty on the tablecloth.

Smiling, Nelson saw such an array of junk food he hadn't seen since he had inadvertently discovered Chip's stash in a ventilation shaft he was in onboard _Seaview_. The smile slipped from his face as he thought of Chip and Lee and his boat, wondering how they all were.

"What?" Cara said as she came to his side. "You don't like?"

Turning his thoughts from his loss, he smiled down into Cara's concerned face. "I like. A lot," he said with a smile and a quick kiss. Seating himself on the floor, he picked out a candy bar. "Not sure how well it goes with the wine I had chosen but…"

"You have wine in there?"

"Of course! What's a picnic without wine?" he said with a crooked smile as he pulled a bottle of burgundy from an insulated holder. "I doubt it's still cold but I'm sure it hasn't gone bad which is more than I can say for the rest of my contributions."

Cara laughed as Harry opened the bottle easily, took plastic glasses from the hamper and poured them both a glass.

Raising his, he said in a quiet voice, "Here's to…the unexpected."

Cara raised hers to his and smiled. "That's a strange toast," she said after she had swallowed.

"Is it?"

"Yes. You like the unexpected?"

"Not usually," he said with a playful smile as he remembered the path his thoughts had taken when Cara had left for her scavenger hunt. "But lately, it's been rather, interesting."

"Lately? You mean your travels?"

"Oh, that and other things. Like finding something you didn't know you were looking for."

"Oh? And what is it you've found?" she asked, as she took another swallow of wine.

"I'm…not sure yet. But I think it's something good," he finished quietly, his eyes not meeting hers.

"Hmm. You know, you're nothing like I thought you would be," Cara said, gazing at him thoughtfully as she put her glass down and grabbed a bag of pretzels.

"Oh? And what did you expect me to be?"

With a shrug, Cara tore open the bag and began dipping pretzel pieces in her wine and eating it as one would do with a cookie in milk, much to the amusement of her guest who smiled as he watched her. Looking up, she caught his smile and frowned. "What?"

"I've just never seen anyone take pretzels and dip them in wine before," he said laughing. "It's…unexpected."

"Well! You're toast has already had merit."

"You didn't answer my question," he said as he stole one of her pretzels and dipped it in his wine, much to her delight.

"What question," she said refusing to meet his eyes.

"The one where I asked you what you thought Harriman Nelson would be like."

"Oh, that one," she said after a few moments and a few more pretzels. "Well, you always seemed so stern, gruff, unapproachable. To me at least," she amended. "I mean, a four-star admiral? That's a bit intimidating to me. Oh, I've been around Navy people most of my life I suppose but never your rank. My father was a captain, USN retired. And although I've seen you at conferences and symposiums and such and listened to your lectures, I'd only had the pleasure of actually meeting you once a few years ago. Not that I haven't tried since then."

"I apologize for my inaccessibility," he said softly. "Sometimes, it seems there are…were…so many worthy causes or projects, so many demands on my time that…"

"Oh no! I'm not berating you. I understand there must be many requests for your time! So many proposals and such."

"Well, that's in the past," Nelson said softly as he poured more wine in their glasses.

"So tell me," Nelson said after a moment's indulgence in self-pity. "Why work at such a small research lab? Why not U of H? Or Kewalo even?"

"Oh none of them were doing what I wanted. The research I wanted. I did work at Kewalo for a time and I liked it a lot. I worked with Dr. Robert Dillard."

"You did, huh? You worked with Bob?" he asked with a scowl.

"Yep. Why the frown?"

"Let's just say Dillard has a reputation."

"Oh? As?"

Nelson shrugged, his eyes not meeting hers. "As a womanizer."

Cara tried hard not to let the delighted smile show on her face. "And that bothers you?"

"Maybe. What if it does?" he asked, looking up into her face.

"Well, I may have heard a few things along similar lines pertaining to you," she said trying not to let her amusement show. "Women falling at your feet and all that?"

"Women do not fall at my feet nor do I use them as Dillard does! I don't think I like being put in the same category as men like Dillard! He may be a brilliant man but his track record with those of the fairer sex is…why are you laughing?" he asked when she broke into giggles.

"I'm sorry but you had the most outraged expression on your face. I was teasing you of course. I apologize. You and Bob are really nothing alike."

"Hmmm. You say that with a degree of certainty," Nelson said with a cocked eyebrow.

Cara waved a drenched pretzel in the air. "We had a run in. Once. He never went for another."

"Ah, the old textbook in the purse ploy again?" Harry asked laughing.

"Ummm, similar. Yes."

"Well good," Nelson said with a big smile as he munched on a candy bar. "Very good."

"So, what are your plans for tomorrow?" Cara asked quietly when the conversation waned.

"Do you mean today?" he asked with a slight smile as he showed her his watch which clearly showed they had moved into the early morning hours.

"How did it get to be so late?" she asked astonished that the day had flown by.

"Days have a way of speeding by when you're having fun."

"I suppose so," she said. "Anyway, what are your plans for today then?"

"I am sadly unaware of any plans. Why?"

"Well, it _is_ Kamehameha Day and my father always has a luau at his house. My family will be there—my brothers and their wives and kids and some of their kids," she said quietly, not daring to look Nelson in the eye.

"You, uh, said your father was a retired Navy captain?"

"Uh huh."

"Do I know him? Or does he know me?"

"Who doesn't know Admiral Nelson? Of course he knows you and not just a passing "photo in the paper" kind of know. You and he actually served together. And…he was your commanding officer," she finished with a mischievous smile.

At that, Nelson sat up and crossed his legs, staring at her. "He was what? Who…wait a minute…Myers…No! Your father is Jerry Myers?"

"The one and only. He used to tell me stories when he was home on leave of some of the men that he served with. Some of them stuck with me I guess. I realized I hadn't thought about those stories in a long time but I kind of remember him telling some tales in particular concerning a young ensign fresh out of Annapolis. He was certain he was going to go far and be someone special someday. If he lived long enough," she said with a slight smile. "Cocky and headstrong I think he used to call you."

Nelson threw his head back and laughed. "Cocky! Yes, I was that. And I remember being put in my place more than once by your father. Never in front of others though. I suppose I learned a lot of my command presence from him," Nelson said thoughtfully. "Why didn't I put that together? And why didn't you tell me?"

Cara shrugged. "It never came up. I knew you wanted anonymity. And I never thought there would be a time I would be inviting Admiral Nelson to my home. But…I am. So…?"

Nelson stared at her for a moment then dropped his eyes, thinking.

"If you're worried my family will say anything to anyone, you can stop. Only my dad's going to know who you are and if the rest figure it out, they'll keep it quiet.

After several minutes of silence, Nelson felt a tingle of anticipation and said, "All right! I would love to come to your father's luau. It'll be great to see Captain Myers again!"

"Just one thing though," Cara said quietly. "I know you don't want it known who you are and I respect that but…I know my dad's going to want to know what you're doing here in Hawaii and not…where you should be. I want to tell my dad what's going on with you, what you've been through, if that's all right. If you say no the invitation still stands of course."

"I don't see the need," Nelson said slowly, his brow furrowed. "But…I guess I trust your dad to keep it between us. If it's important to you that he knows then go ahead."

"Great. I can meet you at your boat in the morning. Say 1100 hours?" she said playfully.

"1100 hours, yes," he said smiling. "And now I think I should let you get home. It's been a long day and I bet you have a lot to do tomorrow to get ready," he said as he helped her gather up the discarded pretzel bags and candy wrappers and deposited them in her trash basket, then gathered up the wine bottle and glasses and put them back in the picnic basket.

The drive back to the marina took a short time as few cars seemed to be on the road at the early morning hour. Cara parked her car near her apartment and Nelson escorted her to her door. Turning to him, she paused. "I had a wonderful day," she said as she gazed into his eyes.

"So did I. And I thank you for the use of your lab. I had forgotten how much I missed being in one."

"Any time," she said.

Nelson placed a finger gently under her chin and tipped it up, looking into her eyes. "Good night, Dr. Myers. I look forward to tomorrow," he whispered as he placed a kiss softly on her lips, lingered for a moment, then smiled and sauntered down the hall and out the door, leaving Cara to stare after him with a silly grin.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Morning found Admiral Harriman Nelson nervously pacing the small confines of his boat. He'd set out to avoid being recognized and now he was willingly going to the house of a man that not only knew him but had at one time been his commanding officer, albeit for a short period of time. He and Cara's dad had served together for a few months on board the _USS Essex_ when Harry was fresh out of the Academy. It hadn't been the submarine he had desperately wanted to be assigned to but that assignment hadn't been long in coming and Harry strongly suspected Captain Jerry Myers had been instrumental in Harry being assigned to his first submarine, the _USS Albacore _a few months after his original assignment.

All these thoughts flitted through his mind as he pondered the logic in willingly going to the luau and exposing himself to discovery. He'd almost decided against the whole idea when he heard footsteps on the deck and looked up to see Cara dressed in a flowing, floral sundress and his mouth went dry.

"Hey there! Ready to go?" she asked brightly.

"Uh…look, Cara, maybe this isn't the best idea," Nelson said as he nervously ran a hand over the side of his head.

"What? Why not? I told you my family won't tell anyone. You have my word! Besides, my dad already knows you're here and that you're coming. If you don't show up, he'll drive over here and drag you to the luau, four-star admiral or not. And, you're all dressed," she said pointing to the aloha shirt he had found packed in his belongings.

Looking down he scowled. "You know, I had forgotten I had this along," he said as he fingered the Hawaiian shirt that sported golden flowers on a dark blue background. "I bought it the last time I was here for some function or other."

"Navy function I bet," Cara said as she came down the companionway steps to his side. "Blue and gold? Navy colors?"

Nelson laughed. "Are there any other colors?" he asked with a smirk.

"Not to Navy men it seems. Now come on. You have to come," she said as she wrapped an arm around one of his and dragged him up the steps.

"All right, all right!" he said as she continued to pull him along. "But let me drive today."

Smiling, Cara turned back to Harry as he followed her to the rows of cars parked by the marina. "You don't like my driving?" she asked with a fake hurt look.

"I…love your driving. Really! Reminds me of times when I was being shot at on missions. Invigorating," he finished with an innocent look.

"All right. You win," she said as they stopped by his car.

"Good."

The drive to Cara's father's house took longer than Cara would have liked and she was beginning to think Nelson was deliberately driving slowly to avoid meeting her family, which she found hard to understand.

Finally they arrived and she jumped out of the car and grabbed Harry by the arm before he had a chance to dive back into the car and dragged him around the side of the house. The house was a sprawling single story that sat on a slight rise up from the shore. A sandy path led from the back deck that ran the length of the house down to a small pier that jutted out into a small lagoon; a breakwater was visible in the distance. Two small sailboats and a speedboat bobbed in the current at the dock. Close to the house a long table had been set up and several chairs and smaller tables were placed about the spacious yard. Smoke rose from a leaf covered pit on the far side of the backyard away from the house and Harry knew he was in for a real luau complete with kalua pork.

"Well, if it isn't Admiral Harry Nelson!" boomed a voice Harry hadn't heard in years and he inadvertently stiffened to attention before remembering he wasn't a green Navy ensign any more. "Sir, it's a pleasure to invite you to my home!"

Turning, Harry watched a tall, thin man who was in his mid 70s with a thick shock of graying hair blowing softly in the warm tropical breeze approach, his hand outstretched.

"Captain Myers," Nelson said with a big smile as he grasped the hand of his former commanding officer firmly. "It's been a long time."

"That it has, Admiral. You seem to have made something of yourself," he said with a big smile. "I always knew you would. Wish I could have kept you onboard the _Essex_ with me awhile longer but I knew you didn't belong "upstairs" so to speak."

Harry laughed lightly. "I never liked the big surface ships," he admitted freely. "Too much chance for falling overboard!"

"Ha! True but why a man would willingly choose to sail under all that water is beyond me. How are you, Admiral?" he asked warmly. "My daughter here's told me some of what you've been up to lately."

With a slight frown, Jerry turned his eyes to Cara who stood at Harry's side, her hand clenched tightly in his.

"And I take it you also think I'm wrong?" he asked bluntly.

"I don't presume to know the pressures you have on you, Admiral or what would cause you to take the steps you have. There's no judgment here. No recriminations. Today, we celebrate family. And, of course, King Kamehameha! So come, meet my family," he said with a big smile as he grabbed Harry's other arm and pulled him along, Cara following with a smile as Harry turned his eyes to hers.

Harry was introduced to Cara's rather large family as simply Cara's new friend and fellow marine biologist. If anyone recognized him, there was no indication in their eyes or in their welcome and Harry began to relax.

Several younger children played games on the spacious lawn or swam in the gentle waters that lapped the shoreline while the older ones supervised or sat in groups looking bored.

"When you said you grew up with older brothers, you really meant it," Harry said laughing as he watched the antics of the kids and their parents and grandparents in the water.

"Five brothers. All mean as spit if you rile them," she said with a big smile.

"I'll remember to not rile them," he said laughing.

"Oh wait…here comes Jason! You met him the night we first met!"

"Oh, the bartender," Harry said with a smile as he remembered the flare of jealousy he had felt that night when he saw the hug she had given him.

"Jason! I want you to meet my friend. Harry this is my nephew and soon-to-be fellow marine biologist, Jason. Jason, this is my friend, Harry who is also a marine biologist."

"Jason, your aunt tells me you'll be graduating in the Fall. Congratulations."

"Thank you! I can't wait to get out and start doing real research!" he said with a huge smile.

Harry laughed at Jason's enthusiasm. "Well, good luck."

"Are you working at the lab with Aunt Cara?"

"Uh, no. Right now I'm kind of…between jobs."

"Ah, unemployed. Yeah I know a lot of people between jobs. I just hope I can find something when I graduate."

"I'm sure you'll find something."

"Well, it was great to meet you but I hear the ocean calling," he said and ran off to join his cousins in the water."

"Nice kid," Harry said quietly.

"Yep. He's a Myers. We're all nice," she said with a big smile when Harry glanced down at her.

"Hmmm. Some more than others perhaps," he said with a slight grin.

~O~

The day went by quickly as the family ate the immense array of foods provided for the luau-succulent pork, lomilomi salmon, he'e, or squid, and any number of salads and noodle dishes along with steak and chicken on a grill for the less adventuresome members of the group. As the day went on, Harry began to feel a member of the family and relaxed even more.

"Well, I guess we should see to getting all this food put away," one of Cara's aunts said when the moans and stomach patting from the men began to die down.

"Let me help, Aunt Sandy!" Cara said rising quickly and began to gather up plates and bowls. Harry rose to help but was quickly pushed back into his seat by Cara. "Sit down and relax."

Harry wasn't sure what he needed to relax from but was more than happy to leave the clean up to the women.

He gazed about and smiled as he watched the dishes disappear and the trash cleaned up. Every time he attempted to help he was informed guests didn't clean up and, feeling out of sorts, wandered down to the dock and out onto the pier. Hands stuffed into the pockets of his khakis, he stared out at the open Pacific beyond pondering his future, trying not to think of his past or the irritating prickle of guilt he couldn't seem to shake.

"Beautiful sight isn't it? I never get tired of watching the sea," a voice behind him said.

Turning, he smiled as he watched Jerry approach down the small pier, a cigar dangling from his lips.

"Nor do I," Harry agreed turning back to his perusal. "Just something about the smell of the sea and the sound of the waves."

"We'd be poor Navy men if we didn't love the sea."

"True. Very true," Harry said quietly.

"So, Admiral, what are your plans?" Jerry asked as he puffed contentedly on his cigar.

"Do you think you could call me Harry?" he asked with a slight smile.

"It's rather hard for me to do considering you're a four-star admiral."

"Ah but I was once a cocky and headstrong young ensign under your command!" he said, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.

"I take it Cara's told you what I said about you," he said with a quick laugh. "Well, it's true. You _were_ cocky. Thought you knew it all. Thing was, you seemed to really know it all. Two weeks removed from the Academy and you show up on my ship exuding confidence and a command presence a few admirals I knew never had. Trying to rein in your…enthusiasm frustrated me to no end. Some things you just can't teach. Or learn."

"I remember learning a lot those first months onboard about command presence."

"Well, I appreciate that, Ad…Harry."

"There! Now that wasn't so hard," Harry laughed. "My own officers seem to find it hard to…"

"Find it hard to what?" Jerry asked when Harry didn't continue, noticing the sadness that stole over his face.

"I've tried in the past to get my captain and executive officer to call me Harry when we're not aboard. Never seems…seemed to work," he said shrugging and turning his gaze back to the sea.

"It's called respect, sir."

"Yes. I suppose."

"So, tell me to mind my own business but what are you going to do now? Your institute needs you at the helm. Hell, you need it. Tell me you're happy wandering around sailing from port to port. Tell me you don't miss your research, your lab or your friends."

Nelson was silent for a long time then said in a soft voice, "When I was in the hospital recovering from the latest attempt on my life, I had a lot of time to think. I thought I had it all planned. It made sense."

"And now?"

"Now…I don't know," he said in a small, lost voice. "What you say is true. I do miss it…them. But then I knew I would. It's not a surprise to me exactly. Just something I need to get used to I suppose."

"Let me just ask you something, then I'll be quiet. Why do you think by running and hiding you can keep your people safe? What about all the times you were there to "save the day"? What if someday something you could have prevented happens to your friends or your submarine or the Institute and you aren't there? How will you deal with that? How will you deal with the guilt? Will that be any different than the guilt you feel now?"

Harry lowered his head and closed his eyes. The faces passed through his mind again but the pain seemed less. The guilt wasn't as strong and for a brief moment he felt hope flare in him.

"I don't have the answers, Jerry. I…I just don't know any more. It's not as clear to me as it was when I started all this. But I will tell you something. I'm glad I've had the time away. It's been good for me I think. I've learned a lot about myself, had time to just relax and, unexpectedly, I've made a few good friends," he said glancing over his shoulder to where he knew Cara was. "I wouldn't change that."

"Well, that's good," Jerry said, clasping Harry's shoulder. "Now, let's head back to the house. Dessert should be just about ready."

"More food?" Harry groaned.

"Can't have a big dinner without dessert! Come on. I see my daughter is looking for us. Or maybe it's just you she's looking for," he said with a wink, laughing at the uncomfortable expression on Nelson's face.

"No worries, Harry. I haven't used my service revolver on anyone Cara's shown interest in before. Now's sure not the time to start," he said laughing at the stricken look on Harry's face. "Whatever is between you two is your business and hers. Now come on before the dessert disappears." With a chuckle, he pulled Harry down the pier and on to more food.

~O~

The warm day began to wane and still the party continued. Fireworks were launched from somewhere near the house and the group watched as they exploded in brilliant arrays of blues and reds and greens. The oohs and ahhs of the children were echoed by the adults that watched in delight.

Harry and Cara sat on the end of the pier with a few others, their feet dangling in the warm ocean watching in amusement as the younger members of the group splashed in the water in between explosions.

"You happy?" Cara asked as she laid her head on Nelson's shoulder.

"I can honestly say I am quite happy," he said as he wrapped an arm about her.

She looked up at him, noticing a touch of surprise in his voice. "You seem surprised."

"Maybe a touch," he said with a shrug as he looked down at her with a smile.

"You and your search for the unexpected again, huh?"

"Perhaps. I don't have much in the way of blood relatives, just my sister, so all this is new. Oh, there are people at…home I consider family," he said as Lee's and Chip's faces came to him. "And we've had huge picnics together but gatherings like this, with blood relatives isn't something I'm used to."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm so used to having my family around, I forget there are people that aren't as lucky. I'm glad you came," she said after a long moment.

"So am I," he whispered as he placed a kiss on the top of her head, smiling when he heard her contented sigh.

The fireworks show ended all too soon with a brilliant display of dazzling colors; the booms of the explosions shaking the small pier on which they sat. Applause greeted the end of the pyrotechnic display and all about them, people began to rise, dust off their pants and wander back towards the house, their voices rising and falling in the still air.

Harry glanced down at Cara when she didn't move and saw her eyes were closed, a small smile gracing her lips and he grinned. The late night last night and the activities of the day had apparently worn her out.

When he moved slightly to ease his arm which had fallen asleep, she jolted awake. "Oh! I can't believe I fell asleep! I missed the fireworks!"

"Just the finale," Harry said quietly.

"But that's the best part! Where did everyone go?" she asked quickly when she saw she and Harry were the only ones left on the dock.

"I think they headed to the house. There's not more food is there?" he asked.

"Probably. Ice cream? Cake? Why? Are you hungry?"

"Lord no!" he said. "I'm going to have to take up jogging to burn off all the food I ate today!"

"Well, how about we say goodnight to my family and we can head out," she said as she picked up her shoes and rose from the dock. Grabbing Harry's hand, she pulled him to his feet. Looking up into his eyes, she ran a hand down his cheek and planted a kiss on his lips.

"What was that for?" he murmured.

"Just trying for the unexpected," she whispered as he leaned in and returned the favor quickly.

"We should probably head back to the others before your dad gets his service revolver," Harry said huskily after a moment.

"His what? Why would he do that?" she asked in confusion.

"Never mind," he said with a laugh and another brief kiss. Drawing her close they sauntered up the sandy path and entered the house, smiling at the cacophony of voices and squeals coming from the children inside. They walked into the kitchen and saw Jerry surrounded by a few of his grandkids and great-grandkids as he happily dished up bowls of ice cream.

"Ah! You two decide to join the rest of us? Can I get you some ice cream, Ad…Harry? Cara?" Jerry said as he waved an ice cream scoop in their direction.

"No thanks, Dad. I think we're just going to head out," Cara said as she walked to her dad and enveloped him in a big hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" he whispered back.

"For being a good dad. And for welcoming Harry."

"Ah well, you're welcome, Kitten. I just want you happy," he said. "Sure you can't stay?"

"Oh, I have work early tomorrow so I should go."

"All right. If you insist," he said as he handed the scoop off to one of his daughter's-in-law and headed for Harry.

"Harry, I'm glad you could come. It was great to see you again. You're welcome here any time," he said as he stretched out his hand.

"Thanks, Jerry. That means a lot," Harry said as he grasped Jerry's hand.

Nodding to the rest of the family, Cara and Harry left the group, hopped in Harry's car and drove off.

"Thank you for inviting me today," Harry said as he navigated the road back to Cara's apartment.

"I'm glad you came. I hope you had fun."

"I did," he said with a touch of surprise in his voice. "Your family is…well, you're very lucky to have them."

"I guess I never thought about it but you're right. They've always been there for me."

"You ever thought about living anywhere else?"

"No. Not really. I mean, I'm a marine biologist living in one of the best places in the world! The ocean's at my doorstep."

"Yes, I suppose it is," Harry said quietly.

A short time later, Harry parked in a spot outside Cara's apartment turned off the car and got out, intending to make sure she got to her apartment safely. Her old friend Jimmy just might still be around, he reasoned.

When they reached her door, she unlocked it and turned back to him. "Would you like to come in for a beer? Or some coffee?" she said looking up into his eyes.

"I thought you had work early tomorrow."

"Um, not that early," she said with a slight smile.

"A beer would be good," he whispered as he cupped her cheek with one hand, caressing it with his thumb before he followed her inside.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Harry and Cara spent as much time together as they could over the next weeks. The repairs to Harry's boat long since completed, they sailed, and scuba dived, went out to restaurants, ate in and drew closer to each other. Their passions for marine life and protection of the natural resources of the Islands and beyond were paramount to them both and they spent hours discussing their work.

After another wonderful day spent diving, swimming and picnicking at a spot off Maui the two had been to before, the pair was sailing back to the marina that had become Harry's home, both of them tired and quite happy.

"Are you still worried someone will recognize you?" Cara asked as she watched Harry sail _The Icarus_, his eyes flitting about.

"Out here? Not so much. But back on shore…yes. Constantly. But the only choices I have are to be careful where I go or leave. And I do not want to leave here," he said emphatically, smiling as he turned his gaze to hers.

Cara smiled back at him then grew concerned when his demeanor seemed to change suddenly.

"Hey! Where'd you go? Why the strange look on your face?" she asked as she saw Harry focusing his attention on a fishing trawler they were passing.

"That trawler…there's something wrong about it."

"What?" she asked, puzzled when Harry swung the boat wide and circled back, his whole focus on the boat.

"I don't know what it is. Something is just not right about it," he said quietly.

They passed by slowly, Nelson surreptitiously watching a few men that lined the rail staring at them and frowned. Oriental sailors on a Panamanian vessel. Not all that unusual but the flash of light off what he recognized as a gun barrel hastily lowered definitely was. "Interesting," he whispered as he made a mental note of their position.

"What is?" Cara asked.

Turning his attention back to the woman at his side, he smiled and shook his head. "Nothing. Just thought they looked suspicious. That's all."

"That's all? Suspicious?"

"Yep. We're almost back to shore. Why don't you go below and get dressed. I'll take you to any restaurant you want tonight," he said with a big smile, successfully changing the subject.

"You're on," she said with a smile as she went below to change.

Turning to look back over his shoulder, he frowned at the disappearing boat. Something just seemed wrong about it but other than the few things he saw, was hard put to say what it was and he shook his head. Whatever it was he was pretty sure it didn't affect him and he smiled, looking forward to the rest of the night with Cara.

~O~

Later that evening, the pair walked leisurely hand in hand through the International Marketplace in Waikiki after a wonderful dinner at an excellent nearby restaurant, the trade winds gently rustling the palm fronds that lined the walk they were on. Harry felt contentment flow through him and he smiled as he squeezed the small hand in his and felt an answering pressure. He was quite happy. For the first time in a long time, he was happy. He looked down into Cara's face and smiled.

Turning his gaze from hers to the surroundings, he stiffened when he spotted two familiar figures walking furtively through the stands and pulled Cara behind a stand selling jewelry.

"What are you doing?" she asked, puzzled at the abrupt change in Harry's mood.

"Those two men over there that stopped at that tiki shop are Lee and Chip."

"Your friends? Oh, Harry how did they find out? My family wouldn't have said anything!"

"I don't know," he said, his voice hard. He watched his friends, angered that he had been found out and wondered how they knew he was here. A movement behind them drew his attention to two men of Asian descent following behind his friends closely, their eyes never leaving the two as they walked

Nelson's eyes narrowed in speculation. Were they looking for him or was this simply a coincidence? Something inside said they weren't here for him and his heart began to pound. They were on a mission. But for whom and what was it? He decided to follow them, hoping he could cover their backs as they seemed to have no idea they were being followed.

"Cara, I need you to go back to your place. Can you get a cab? Better yet, take my car," he said digging the keys from his pocket and handing them to her.

"What? Why?"

"I think Lee and Chip are on some kind of mission that has nothing to do with me. See those men behind them?"

"The Chinese ones? Yes."

"They're following them. I'm going to trail them and see if I can find out what's going on."

"Harry, they'll know you're here."

"It's a chance I have to take. Get back to your place and wait for me. I'll…"

"No. I'm coming with you."

"Cara, please. I don't want you involved. You could get hurt and I…I can't risk that."

"Harry…" but before she could finish he hauled her into his arms and gave her a big kiss.

"Go," he said as he slipped into the crowd of people, his eyes never leaving Lee and Chip.

"You're going to have to stop kissing me just to make me stop talking," Cara said, frowning. She glanced behind her and knew Harry's car was nearby. Then looked the way the men seemed to be going and got a smile on her face.

"Go home where it's safe, huh? No way, mister," she said as she headed for the car.

Harry followed the men cautiously, doing his best to seem like a tourist looking at the many wares displayed in the market. Lee and Chip either had no idea they were being followed or they wanted the men to follow them. Either way, Harry was going to be there to find out and help if he could.

He trailed them for several minutes as they weaved their way through the shops finally exiting the Marketplace and walking down Kalakaua Avenue slowly, talking quietly and looking about. Suddenly a red van screamed around the corner, nearly hitting his two friends. The side door flew open and the trailing men pushed the pair into the open van door, jumped inside the van and sped off.

"Damn!" Harry yelled, knowing there was no way he could follow and he felt his heart sink until he heard a car pull to a stop beside him and saw Cara sitting in his rental.

"Get in, hot shot!" she yelled to him.

"Hot shot? What the hell are you doing?" he asked as he scrambled into the car.

"Helping, in case you didn't notice. How did you think you were going to follow them without a car?"

"I didn't know I would need a car. And where did you learn to drive?" he asked as she raced down the street hot on the tail of the red van.

"Older brothers," she said succinctly.

"Don't get too close to them," Harry cautioned. "We don't want them to know they're being followed."

"Got it."

The van drove quickly but cautiously down Kalakaua Avenue then turned left onto Ala Moana Boulevard.

"They're headed for the docks, aren't they?" Cara asked after a few more minutes.

"Looks like it. I just don't know what's going on. Were they here looking for me or are they on a mission?" Nelson mused quietly, his heart racing at the thought of what his friends might be going through.

The van sped through a red light and Cara jammed on her brakes to avoid the car in front of her.

"Damn! We're going to lose them!"

"Not if I can help it," she said as she reversed the car and tore around the stopped traffic, and carefully took off again.

Nelson stared at her openmouthed. "Where did you get a license?"

Cara smirked at him. "I told you. I have older brothers. It was very educating," she said with a slight smile.

They continued down the road they had been on but found themselves in a warren of warehouses and docks. "They could be in any one of these warehouses," Nelson said bitterly. "Continue down that way."

Cara and Nelson trolled up and down the rows of warehouses until they finally spotted the red van parked near a dock.

"Stay here," Nelson said. "And I mean it this time."

Nelson opened the car door and crept cautiously to the van. Peering inside, he saw nothing and turned to the side door. Wishing fervently for a gun, he opened the door quickly only to find it empty.

Closing the door, he walked silently to the warehouse behind him and looked inside. Rows of shipping containers greeted him and he shook his head in frustration. Walking up and down the long rows of containers, he saw nothing that gave him a clue where his friends were and his heart sank. He'd lost them.

Stalking back to the van he gave the inside a quick perusal hoping he saw something but it seemed to be empty of anything that would tell him who had Lee and Chip. Looking in the back, his heart dropped as he saw spots of blood on the floor and he clenched his fists in anger.

"I'll find you two," Nelson said angrily. "If I have to look the rest of my life, I'll find you."

Knowing there was nothing more he could do here, he walked slowly back to the car and Cara, stopping to stare out to sea for a bit. In the distance he could make out the shape of a small speed boat heading away from the docks and his eyes narrowed in thought.

"Anything?" she asked hesitantly, not liking the look on Harry's face as he leaned in the window.

"Blood. That's about all. I need to get to a phone. Quickly," he said.

"Hop in. My office is nearby. No one should be there right now."

Harry jumped in and within a few minutes was outside Cara's office. She unlocked her door and they walked inside, shutting the door quickly.

"There's the phone. Just dial nine for an outside line. I'll get us something to drink," she said disappearing out the door.

Cara seemed to appreciate that he wanted to be alone to make the call and he smiled briefly. Picking up the phone, he quickly dialed Jiggs Starke's number at his home and was rewarded by a gruff, "What?"

"Jiggs? It's Nelson!"

"Harriman! Are you all right? Where are you?"

"Jiggs you know I'm not going to tell you that. I need to know what's up with Lee and Chip. Where are they and what are they doing?"

"What they're doing is looking for you and before you go all ballistic, hear me out. A report came in that you had been captured by Chinese agents and were being held captive on a fishing trawler off the coast of Oahu. The report said you were about to be taken to China where you would be…welcomed. I take it that one, you're in Oahu and second, you weren't captured?"

"Damn it. No, I wasn't captured by anyone. What plan did Lee and Chip have?"

"They were to meet an agent in the International Marketplace on…"

"Kalakaua Avenue, yes I know. That's where I saw them."

"This agent was going to take them to others that were going to help them get you off the trawler."

"They didn't have anyone else to back them up them with this? Just fly over here and rescue me? Alone?"

"They were told it needed to be a small party. The agent that contacted them said to not trust anyone else. He said he was afraid there were moles in ONI and that he would provide a few others he trusted for the "rescue" mission."

"And they bought that? Damn it. What they did was walk right into a trap. I saw them being thrown into a van not an hour ago and driven to the docks. We tried to follow but we lost them. I have no idea where they are right now," Harry said as he ran a hand over his face. "Or if they're still alive."

"_We_ followed them? Who is we?" Starke asked in interest.

"Never mind that now. Where did this information come from?" Nelson asked drumming his fingers on the desk.

"A Chinese operative working with ONI leaked the info."

"_Supposedly_ leaked the info," Nelson said slamming his hand down on the desk. "Who verified the information and the informant?"

"Well, we didn't really have time, Harriman."

"What? Why wasn't the information verified?"

"As I said, there was no time. The informant said you were going to be taken off the island tonight. There wasn't time to…"

"And you just let them come here and walk into a trap? Why didn't anyone try calling me? Of all the…"

"Hey, look! If you hadn't run off in some misguided attempt to protect everyone, this wouldn't have happened! And since when do your two star officers need permission to do anything? Especially when it comes to your safety! You know they wouldn't wait for verification if they thought you were in danger! And as far as calling you, we did. But we haven't received any answers. Either there's something wrong with your radio or you just weren't answering."

Nelson closed his eyes and groaned, remembering where he had been, and with whom, the night before and all day today. "I'm sorry. I…I haven't been onboard much to answer any radio calls lately. This is all my fault. I should have kept in touch."

"Let's stop placing blame, Harriman. What we need to do is find those boys of yours. You're obviously on Oahu. Any idea where they could be?"

"The island's kind of large, Jiggs. I don't have any idea where…wait a minute. I was sailing today and saw a trawler offshore of Oahu. Something about it seemed suspicious to me. I can't explain it but I kept feeling something wasn't right about it. She had a Panamanian flag but the deck hands looked distinctly Chinese. They seemed to get awfully edgy when we sailed by them. Come to think of it, I saw another boat…a speedboat heading away from the warehouses I lost Lee and Chip in. They might have been on it. Is there any word from Intel that says what these agents plan might be?"

"Nothing other than what I said. Lee and Chip thought they were coming to your rescue. When they didn't get a reply to their radio calls last night, we assumed the information was valid and they headed off."

"So even though I thought I was protecting them by leaving, they may still suffer? Great," Harry said rubbing a hand over his brow. "I need to make some plans. If they're on that trawler I saw, I'm going to have to have a plan to get them off."

"You have backup my friend? I can make some calls."

"I think the less people involved the better. I can't take the chance those agents get tipped off by any strange activity and that trawler takes off. If they get spooked they could just kill Lee and Chip. I can't take that chance."

"They might not be on that trawler you saw at all."

"I know, Jiggs but I have to do something. You keep trying to find out more. I'll call before I make any move on that boat."

"Keep in touch, Harriman. And be careful."

"Right, Jiggs."

Harry ended the call and sat at Cara's desk for a long time, thinking. Cara returned, placed a cup of coffee on the desk and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He glanced up and smiled briefly at her, filling her in on what Jiggs had told him.

"Oh Harry. I'm sorry. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he said softly, his brow furrowed as he thought quickly. She watched him anxiously as he stared intently at the desk top, his fingers drumming on it, until suddenly he gulped the lukewarm coffee down in one swallow, stood up and moved towards the door.

"Whoa. What's the plan?" she asked, moving in front of him and putting her hands on his chest.

"The plan is to get my friends off that trawler."

"You're sure they're on it?"

"No, but it makes sense. They come here looking to save me from some imaginary threat the same day we see that trawler. That's too much of a coincidence for me. Besides, it's the only thing I can think of to do."

"All right. What do we do?"

"_We_ don't do anything. _I'm_ going to rent a boat and some scuba equipment."

"Harry, you can't do this alone! Let me help."

"No. It's too dangerous."

"It's dangerous for you too and I don't want anything to happen to you. I've gotten used to having you around," she said with a smile.

"No Cara. It's too dangerous. If anything happened to you…I can't put you in danger."

"Well, tell me your plan anyway," she said as she followed Nelson out the door and down the steps to his car.

"My plan is to get as close to the trawler as I can in the dark, climb aboard and find Lee and Chip."

"That sounds so simple but I know it's not."

"No. The problem is I can't get too close to the trawler or they'll hear the motor."

"I'll drop you off near it and pretend I'm lost! That would work!"

"Yes, it would except I don't want you anywhere near this. If only I knew someone here I trusted."

"Wait! How about my dad?"

"Your dad? Cara, I can't ask him to help me with this!"

"Oh come on! He's Navy! He's been through a few missions in his time! I bet he'd love to drive a get away boat."

"No. I need to do this alone. I don't want to risk anyone else's life in this."

"Harry when are you going to realize that you don't have to do everything alone? When are you going to understand that if people want to help you…or stand by your side… or put themselves in danger to protect you…it's their decision? Let us help. These friends are important to you and that makes them important to me. Come on, Harry. Let's go talk to my dad."

Nelson, knowing he had no one else he could trust on the island and no one that wouldn't ask too many questions, gave in and they drove quickly to Jerry's beach house.

"Dad? You home, Dad?" Cara called when they arrive a short time later.

"Out here, Kitten! What's up?" he asked when he saw Harry with her.

"Dad, Harry needs our help."

"Anything for Admiral Nelson," Jerry said smiling. "What do you need?"

For the next hour the two Navy men plotted the rescue of Lee and Chip. Nelson only hoped he was right in believing they were on the trawler and not locked inside some container back at that warehouse.

At 0200, Harry, in borrowed swim trunks and tee shirt, called Jiggs only to find out nothing new had been found out. He briefly told him his plan and hung up before he could tell him how harebrained it was.

"You sure about this, Jerry?" Harry asked. "I can do this alone. I _should_ do this alone."

"I'm ready and no you can't do this alone. This will work," he said as he slapped him on the back. The two men made their way down the dock to Jerry's speedboat and climbed aboard. Nelson strapped a knife, the only protection he would have, to his leg.

"Where's Cara?" he asked, wanting to say good-bye in case this was the last time he was going to see her.

"Haven't seen her since you were on the phone with your friend," Jerry said, looking about quickly. "She's probably miffed we didn't want her along. We need to move, Admiral."

"It's Harry, Jerry. Not Admiral."

"Yes sir," he said. "Some habits are just too hard to break."

Harry climbed aboard and looked back hoping he would see Cara standing there but he didn't. He sat on the side of the boat as Jerry motored away from the dock and headed out to sea to the coordinates Harry had given him, hoping he remembered the right location. The whole time Harry kept praying the trawler was still there and his friends were all right.

Once they cleared the breakwater and were heading out, a bundle of towels moved at Nelson's feet and Cara peeked out.

"Cara! What the hell are you doing? We don't have time to take you back now," Harry yelled.

"I know. That was my plan. If you two can risk your lives in this so can I. Besides, a woman along will just make them less suspicious don't you think?"

"What am I going to do with you?" Nelson asked, pulling her up beside him.

"You can think of something later," she said with a smile.

Jerry motored the boat out until he spotted the trawler. "There she is Ad…Harry. Still there."

"Yep. All right. Whoop it up like you're drunk and get as close s you can. I'll go over the side and swim to the anchor chain and climb it. Don't take chances. If they get anxious, head off.

"Right and we'll wait down the shore for your signal and come back around quickly. Good luck, sir."

Cara leaned over and grabbed Harry's face, pulling him to her and planted a big kiss on him. "Come back soon, Sailor. And in one piece," she whispered huskily, afraid this was the last she would see of him.

"I will definitely be back," he said with a big smile.

As Jerry motored drunkenly towards the big boat, yelling and waving crazily, Harry slipped over the side away from the trawler and held on to the boat.

"Hey! Hey! Want some booze," Jerry said, holding up a bottle to the crewmen that watched them approach. "Come on down!"

Nelson watched as the men on the trawler looked over the side of the ship and waved them off. While they were looking at Jerry, Harry slipped underwater and swam quickly to the trawler where he waited for Jerry to head off. When he heard the voices of the men move off, he stayed still for a few more minutes until he was sure there was no one at the rail, then began to climb the anchor chain as quietly as he could.

Reaching the top, he waited and listened again, then cautiously peered over the side. His gaze went to the wheelhouse but he could see the pilot was disinterestedly reading something and not paying attention to the deck. Seeing no one else nearby, he climbed over the top, his knife in hand and padded softly to a hatch under the wheelhouse. The design of the trawler was a familiar one to Nelson and he mentally reviewed where Lee and Chip might be held on the boat. Almost certain they would be held in the bowels, he searched for the ladders down, finding one shortly.

Slowly descending the metal ladder as quietly as he could, he made his way down, treading softly. When he reached the bottom of the first ladder he stopped and listened. He could make out the sound of movement off to his left and he pressed himself against the bulkhead wall and waited, trying to remain inconspicuous. A young Chinese sailor headed slowly towards him. Harry reached out and grabbed the man tightly; his hand over his mouth and the knife pressed to his neck. He whispered quietly, "Do you speak English?"

Feeling the dig of the knife in his throat, the man nodded quickly.

"Where are the Americans?"

"I…I do not know who you…"

Harry dug the knife in more and watched as a small dribble of blood trickled down the man's throat. "Again…where are the Americans? Tell more or I'll slit your throat."

"Yes, yes, all right," he whispered after the knife dug deeper still. "They are in a hold on the lowest level. But you will never get them out alive."

"Show me," he said as he took the sidearm from the man's holster and put it under the waistband of his trunks.

"I cannot! They will kill me!"

"Show me or I'll kill you, now! Your choice!"

Finally the young man decided he had no other option and he showed Harry the way down the passageway and down another set of metal ladders to a dark, dingy hold area.

Stopping in front of a hatch, the man pointed. "They…they are in there," he said, looking about him furtively.

"Open it," Nelson said keeping his hold on the man tightly, the knife pressed to his throat.

The door to the hold creaked open slowly and Nelson thrust the young man inside and closed the door behind him quickly.

Drawing a waterproof flashlight from his pocket, he turned it on, shining it about the dank interior searching. Finding a light switch on the bulkhead by the door, he switched it on. Light flickered dimly in the dank room but it was enough for Nelson to see two forms lying on the floor, hands and feet bound and their heads covered in hoods. He started to go for them when the man jerked from his hands and headed for the door. Nelson stopped him quickly with a chop to the man's neck and caught him as he fell.

Hurrying to the bodies, he took the hoods off, smiling as he saw both Lee and Chip.

"Lee? Chip? It's Nelson," he said as he shook them hoping they weren't hurt badly.

The figures began to stir and Nelson let go of the breath he had been holding. He worked at cutting the ropes that bound his friends and soon had them free

"Admiral? Admiral!" Lee said again, staring at him in shock. "What…I thought…how did you get here?"

"No time now. Are you two all right?"

"I have a knot the size of an egg on the back of my head," Chip said groggily, wincing as he touched it.

"Lee? How about you?"

"I…I think I'm all right," he said still not sure what was happening.

"I thought we were here to rescue you, sir! What's going on? And what's with the beard and hair?" Chip asked, waggling a finger at him.

"Later, Chip. You two will do anything to find me, won't you?' he asked with a smile, clasping them both on the shoulder. "Can you both walk? We need to get off this boat."

"We're on a boat?" Chip asked. "Last I remember was…"

"A red van. Yes, I know. Come on. Get up," Nelson said as he helped Lee then Chip to their feet and guided his wobbly friends to the door. "We can talk later."

"Who's that," Lee asked as he passed the man lying unconscious on the floor.

"Someone who helped me find you two."

"Willingly?" Chip asked.

Nelson snorted. "I wouldn't say that. Now come on. Do you two think you can swim? I have a boat waiting."

At their nods, he helped them to the door and opened it carefully, cringing at the loud creak it made. Hesitating for a moment, he peered out, looking up and down the passageway and saw no one. Taking a deep breath, he led the way out and headed towards the ladder.

They had barely reached it when the hatch behind them opened and the man Nelson had knocked out staggered into the passageway and began yelling.

"Move!" Nelson yelled to Lee and Chip, pushing them up the metal ladder, urging them on. "We have to get out of here. Head on up the ladder, at the top, turn right and head down to the next ladder up, take it to the top. Wait for me there if you can.," he said as he turned back to face two men that were headed in their direction. He took the handgun from his waistband and fired two shots, satisfied to see both miss and the pursuers fall back and disappear down another passageway. He lunged for the ladder and began to climb.

"You missed," Lee said as Nelson joined him at the top of the first ladder.

"I wasn't aiming to hit them and I won't unless they give me no option. That's about the last thing I need is to have the Chinese government complaining I shot their men."

The three men raced down the passageway and reached the second ladder and scaled it quickly. When they reached the top, Nelson moved in front of them and opened the hatch he knew led them to the deck and their way out. In front of him was a tall man that was covering the deck with a semi-automatic weapon. He scanned the deck and yelled to men on the far side of the deck.

When the deck cleared of all but the man in front of him, Nelson handed his handgun to Crane, reached out and, with a hand over the man's mouth, dragged him back through the door and knocked him out.

Grabbing the rifle in his hands, he told Lee and Chip to head for the port side deck and jump over the railing into the ocean below.

"What about you?" Lee asked in concern.

"I have to signal the boat I have waiting. You two move out! Now!" he said thrusting them away from him.

The two ran and launched themselves over the side, trusting the admiral knew what he was doing and praying he would be right behind them. Nelson took the flashlight from his pocket as he ran and turned behind him to see four men running at him. Bullets pinged into the metal deck near him and he fired his rifle in their direction, scattering them in all directions.

Turning the flashlight on, he aimed it toward where he knew Jerry should be and flashed it three times, smiling as he heard the motor roar to life and head their way. Behind him, he heard the sound of more running feet and more shots were fired in his direction. Running to the side, he launched himself over the rail and plunged into the water below, smiling as he saw Lee and Chip already being pulled aboard the speedboat. He swam to it quickly and yelled for them to take off as shots continued to ping into the water about him. He was just being pulled onboard by Cara when he felt a sting in his arm and he grunted.

"Harry?! Are you all right," she asked.

"Cara, stay down. I'm fine," he said looking behind him at the trawler that was rapidly falling behind them as the speedboat took off. He laid his head down on the deck and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Don't believe him…Cara is it?" Lee said moving to Harry's side and squeezing his shoulder in affection. "I wouldn't put it past him to hide a bullet wound or two.

"Don't scare her, Lee," he said as he sat up, trying hard to breathe normally and leaned against the seat Cara sat in.

"It's good to see you, Admiral," Lee said staring at Harry with a big smile on his face. "It's kind of hard to see you though with all that hair!"

"The hair made for a good disguise I thought and it's good to see you, Lee. You too, Chip. I've missed you both. Oh and this lovely woman," he said looking up at her with a big smile, "is Dr. Cara Myers and our chauffeur is her father, Jerry. These two scamps are my friends, Lee and Chip."

"Ah, the ones you've been running from, Admiral," Jerry said with a smile.

"Harry. Remember, Jerry?"

Jerry only chuckled. "It will take some getting used to, sir. It's always been Ensign or Lieutenant or Captain or Admiral. You don't look like a Harry to me."

"That's what I say," Chip laughed as he moved to sit on the other side of Nelson. "Let me see where you're hit, sir."

"Hit? You're hurt? Where?" Cara asked in concern. "Let me see!"

"It's nothing," Nelson protested. "It's just my arm. Just a graze I think."

"We'll be back to the house shortly, Harry. Hang on," Jerry said.

Meanwhile, Lee had taken a handkerchief from Jerry and tied it around the arm, staunching the trickle of blood from the wound. "That should hold it, sir," Lee said smiling at his friend who was wrapped in the arms of Cara who looked like she wasn't planning on letting go any time soon.

"I'm fine, Cara," he said patting her arm.

"You had me scared to death!" she said hiding her face in his wet curls.

"Me! I told you not to come! I told you that earlier when I told you to go back to the car when I was following Lee and Chip! But you didn't. Do you ever listen?"

Jerry sat in the front of the boat smiling. "You tell her, Harry. That girl never listens."

"I wanted to help. I know what your friends mean to you. I _had_ to help."

"Well, we thank you and your father," Lee said.

"We both do," Chip added.

"How's the head, Chip?" Nelson asked, remembering the knot on the back of his exec's head.

"It's fine, sir. Just a bump."

"Let me see," Lee said, poking the egg shaped bump.

"Geez, Lee! Lay off it! It didn't hurt until you started in poking it!"

"Just making sure your brains aren't leaking out. You can't afford to lose any you know."

"_I_ can't afford to lose any? What about you? This was all your idea. Race off without verifying…"

"And if we had waited to verify the info we wouldn't have found the admiral. So it all worked out, didn't it?"

"Except for a bullet wound and a cracked skull? Sure it all worked out just fine."

The two men stopped their squabbling when they heard the muffled snorts of laughter coming from the admiral.

"What's so funny?" Lee asked with a puzzled expression.

"You two. I almost forgot how much I missed your banter. Almost," he said as he clasped Lee on the arm.

By now the breakwater was coming up and Jerry slowed the boat. "We'll be back on solid land in a few minutes," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks, Jerry," Harry said as he closed his eyes and leaned back against Cara. They were safe. He thanked God he had gotten there in time. For once, no one died. Lee, Chip, Jerry, and Cara were all safe.

Jerry expertly steered the boat to the dock, where Cara tore herself from Nelson's arms and tied the boat off. Jerry, Lee, Chip and Nelson rose and stepped to the dock.

"Well, let's get up to the house. I imagine we could all use a stiff drink and some dry clothes," Jerry said as he led the way.

Harry put his good arm around Cara and pulled her close as they walked to the house, her arm finding its way around his waist and her head to his chest. Lee and Chip followed behind with big smiles on their faces.

"Not a word, gentlemen," Harry said, turning his head slightly. "Not a word."

"Yes sir, Harry, sir," they said in unison.

"Don't say a word about what?" Cara asked, looking up at him in puzzlement.

"Never mind," Nelson said looking down at her with a big smile and a quick kiss to her forehead.

Jerry came back out on the spacious porch with a bottle of Scotch and five glasses. "I think we can all use this," he said as he poured.

"I'll go get the first aid kit," Cara said as she disappeared into the house.

"Sit down and tell us what happened. How did you find our friend here?" Jerry asked.

"We got a call from someone at ONI yesterday that you were on a trawler off Oahu and about ready to be taken to China. We were to meet an agent in the Marketplace today…yesterday? Uh, anyway we never found an agent but a red van picked us up. I don't remember anything after that," Lee said.

"Who contacted you?" Nelson asked.

"Agent by the name of Chou? Said he was a contact of yours. When we called you yesterday, we didn't get any answer. He said it couldn't wait and that we had to be in Honolulu by the evening. So we took the Flying Sub and hit Pearl yesterday afternoon."

"I've never heard of a Chou," Nelson said, running a hand over his face.

Feeling Cara beside him, he looked into her worried eyes for a moment before she dropped hers and began to untie the handkerchief from his arm.

"Here let me do that, Kitten," Jerry said as he knelt by Nelson's side and expertly tended the wound.

"How did you find us though?" Chip asked after a healthy swallow of the Scotch.

"Cara and I were walking in the International Marketplace and saw you two. I thought you were both looking for me when I saw you being tailed. I followed and saw you both pushed into the van. Cara and I followed and ended up at a warehouse where we found the van but you two were nowhere to be seen. I contacted Jiggs and he told me what was happening."

"But how did you know we were on the trawler?" Lee asked.

"Coincidence. Cara and I were sailing yesterday and saw the trawler. Something didn't look right about it to me. When I talked to Jiggs, I remembered. I took a chance you two had been taken there."

"Happy coincidences," Jerry said quietly as he wrapped a bandage around the wound on Nelson's arm. "The wound doesn't look bad, Harry. Bullet just grazed you. Gonna be sore for a bit though."

"Thanks, Jerry," he said as he flexed his arm a bit, wincing in pain at the movement. Glancing to his side, he watched as Cara sat back on her heels and gazed at him, an inexplicable look on her face.

"Everything all right?" Nelson asked quietly.

After a second she nodded. "It's just…all this…this is your life. Isn't it? The danger, the guns, people trying to hurt you."

Nelson stared at her for a long time. "It was. But…"

"No. Not was, Harry. Is…I don't…"

Rising, she quickly walked away from the group and stood on the dock alone, her arms wrapped about her.

Nelson stared after her, concern on his face.

"Uh, Chip, how about I check that knot on your head and then we find some dry clothes for you two to get into," Jerry said as he rose from his chair and ushered the pair inside. Casting a long look back at his daughter, a sad look came over his face before he headed inside.

Nelson watched the men disappear inside, then rose and walked out to join Cara.

"Cara, what is it?" Nelson asked quietly, turning her to look at him.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"Of what? It's over. Everyone's all right."

"It's not just what happened on the trawler. It's not you getting hurt even."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm losing you," she said so quietly, Nelson wasn't sure he had heard her right.

He grabbed her gently and took her into his arms, staring into her eyes. "I'm here, Cara."

"So are your friends, Harry. What now? They've found you. I…I guess I wasn't thinking about the future and what happens when you leave here."

"Who said I'm leaving?" he asked frowning.

"Your friends have found you," she repeated. "They…"

"That doesn't mean I'm going back. I…I don't know what I'm going to do," he said as he walked to the edge of the dock and threw himself down, his legs dangling over the side.

"Harry," she said quietly as she sat beside him watching as he rubbed a hand over his eyes. "You know as well as I do that you weren't meant for the vagabond life. Being on a permanent vacation isn't what you are meant to do. You have people that care about you. People that need you. People that love you. "

"I was beginning to hope I had that here," he said quietly as he stared out at the small harbor that was just beginning to pick up the soft rays of the rising sun.

"You…you do…it's just…I don't know where we go from here. The past few weeks have been wonderful but…"

"But? But what Cara?"

"I…I don't know. You need to figure out what you're going to do with the rest of your life."

"And you? What if I want a life with you?" he asked in a quiet voice, finding himself just as surprised at his question as she apparently was.

Cara was silent for a long time and Nelson feared he wasn't going to get an answer. Finally, she leaned into him and laid her head on his shoulder. "I don't have an answer to that. I don't…" she put her hand on his face and gently turned his head until she could look into his eyes. Her gaze lowered to his lips and she softly kissed him, lingering for a moment. Then she stood and ran from the dock. Nelson scowled as he heard the engine of a car sputter to life and tear off down the street.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

For a long time he sat there, staring with unseeing eyes at the water that lapped quietly against the boat that was tied up nearby, gentle sounds that always gave him a sense of peace. Tonight they only seemed to laugh at his confusion and questioning…his guilt.

How had he gotten to this point? He'd never thought to ever find love again, if it truly was love he was feeling, and he sure hadn't looked for it. Yet he'd practically asked Cara to spend the rest of her life with him.

Closing his eyes he smiled as Maria's face floated in front of his eyes. "I haven't forgotten you. Maria. I will never…" He broke off what he was saying as he remembered the words Maria's brother had spoken to him a few years ago.

"_Listen for her voice. Hear it on the ocean breeze, hear it in the silence that fills the night, hear it in the call of a seabird winging its way homeward. She is always there by your side. She will tell you, remind you of the man you were. And someday you'll hear her say it's time to let her go and love again." _***

"Admiral?"

Startled, Nelson looked up to see Lee standing beside him in clothes that were obviously Jerry's. "Kapahulu Poi Shop?" he read out loud at the words on Lee's shirt.

Lee shrugged. "It's all Jerry had that fit. Chip has one that reads Big Kahuna Bait and Tackle Shop. You all right?" he asked in concern as he sat by Nelson's side.

"I'm not sure, Lee. I'm not sure at all."

"I saw Cara drive off. I hope our arrival didn't ruin anything."

"I…I don't know what happened," Nelson said, confusion in his voice. "I thought she was feeling the same things I was…or was beginning to…but…I just don't know. I'm not even sure right now I know what it is I _do_ feel."

"You're thinking of Maria. Aren't you?" Lee asked quietly after a moment as he swung his legs back and forth.

Nelson dropped his head to his chest and sighed. "I…I didn't look for this, Lee. These feelings…they came out of nowhere. One day I'm alone, desperately missing everything and everyone in my life that made each day enjoyable, that made my life full and the next I'm in a bar watching this beautiful woman…this woman I can't get out of my thoughts …this woman I keep running into and who I find I want to be with, and…and…"

"And you feel guilty."

Nelson looked up at Lee quickly, surprised he seemed to understand. "Yes. I…I find myself happy, laughing, relaxed as I haven't been in so long. And then I remember. At night when it's quiet, or when I'm alone, I remember."

"Remember what?"

"I…I said I would never find love again because I would never look for it. And yet…"

"And yet it feels right?" Lee asked.

Nelson could only nod.

Lee clasped Nelson on the leg. "Maybe that's your answer. You _didn't_ look for it. Or her. Yet you found her. And she you."

Nelson thought back to his 50th birthday party and remembered his brother-in-law's words: _"Never say never, mi hermano. Sometimes we find what we did not look for, just as you did not look for Maria's love, yet found it anyway. Someday you may find love again. Someday when you aren't looking for it."_

"It's been a long time," Lee said clasping his friend on the shoulder and squeezing. "I think that's the way it is sometimes. One day you're not looking for any kind of relationship and then there it is right in front of you and all you have to do is reach out and take hold of it. For what it matters, I think Maria would be happy for you. Wouldn't you want that for her if the situation was reversed?"

The two men sat together in silence for a long time as Nelson thought over what Lee had said, feeling his guilt lessen. He _would_ want Maria to find love again if the situation were reversed. He wouldn't want her to feel the guilt he'd been plagued with over the past weeks.

Finally, he slapped Lee on the leg and said, "This isn't getting us anywhere. What do you say we get out of here? Head back to the boat and talk. Or get drunk. Whichever comes first?"

"Sounds good, Admiral. Sounds like old times," Lee said softly.

"Yes, it does, Lee. Let's go find my exec…Chip and head back."

Lee rose quickly and reached down to help Nelson to his feet. "He's still your executive officer just as I'm still your captain. Nothing's changed. For us at least."

Nelson grabbed Lee by the shoulder and shook him briefly. "I know. I know."

The two walked back to the veranda of Jerry's spacious house and entered the living room.

"My girl tell you off or did you tell her off?" Jerry asked with a slight smile as they entered.

Nelson snorted. "I have no idea. She just…left."

"Well, she stole my car so she better come back. She just needs to think things through. Things are going to change now," he said laying a hand on Nelson's shoulder and glancing at Lee and Chip, who were trying to pretend they weren't listening.

"We both need to think, Jerry. We both do," Nelson said turning his eyes to Lee and Chip before gazing out the door. "Well, come on you two and let's get out of here. Captain, I'm in your debt. Thank you for helping me rescue these two. I don't know what I would have done if things hadn't gone as well as they did."

"My pleasure, Admiral. And don't tell me to call you Harry. I just can't seem to do it without feeling disrespectful. You may have once been a young ensign under my command but an admiral still deserves respect."

"All right. All right," Nelson laughed, holding up his hands in surrender and ignoring the suddenly interested looks on his friends' faces at the news Jerry had once been the admiral's superior officer.

Nelson, Lee and Chip headed out the door and got into Harry's rental car. "Well, gentlemen? You two hungry?" he asked.

"I for one am starved," Chip said with a yawn from the back seat.

"I'm not surprised, Mister Morton. Lee?"

"I'm actually kind of hungry too. I don't remember the last time we ate."

"Then your choices are my cooking or a local restaurant."

"If it's all the same to you, Admiral, how about we just head to your boat. Talk. Eat."

"Fair enough, Lee. My cooking it is," he said with a small smile as he headed back to the marina.

"Well here we are, gentlemen," Nelson said as he pulled into a parking spot near his boat. "My home," he said waving at the rows of boats that lined the harbor. "Come on. Let's get you two fed so you can get some sleep."

Harry walked down the dock, Lee and Chip following dutifully. "Welcome," Nelson said as he jumped aboard his sailboat.

"Hang on," Lee said. "I want to see what you renamed the boat," he said as he walked to the stern and stared down at the name, painted on the swim platform.

"_The Icarus_? Seriously?" he asked with a glower.

Nelson shrugged. "It seemed to fit."

"And now?"

"And now, I'm going to make breakfast. Sit," he said ignoring the question and disappearing below to make food for his starving friends.

The two threw themselves down on the deck, closed their eyes and promptly fell asleep.

A short while later, Harry appeared on deck with plates brimming with eggs, bacon and toast and smiled as he saw his friends sound asleep. With a devilish grin, Nelson reached out with a foot and kicked Lee's leg, waking him.

"What the…? Admiral? I…I guess I fell asleep," he said yawning mightily.

"Me, too," Chip said with his own impressive yawn.

"Well, your breakfast is served, men. Let me get the coffee**," **he said disappearing below, returning quickly with the pot and cups.

The three ate quietly for a long time, enjoying the food and just being together again.

Finally, Lee had eaten all he could and put his plate down on the deck. "That was absolutely the best breakfast I have had in a long time. Your cooking is better now than when we…well, when we went to Catalina."

"Thank you," Nelson said sincerely, holding a hand over his heart. "I truly appreciate and deserve the recognition."

"So, Admiral, tell us about this Cara," Lee said staring at Nelson with a small smile on his face. "Where did you meet her?"

Harry laughed and ran a hand over the side of his head. "I met her in a bar fight actually," he said with a slight smirk as he gathered up the breakfast dishes and carried them below.

Lee and Chip looked at each other in surprise for a moment, hoping the admiral was planning on coming back up to tell them more. When he didn't return for a few minutes, they headed below to see what was keeping him and found him staring at three pictures hanging from the bulkhead. One was a picture of Edith, one a picture of the three _Seaview_ officers that had been taken on Catalina right before Harry had left and the other was a picture of the admiral in a flowery Hawaiian shirt with his arms around Cara at what appeared to be a luau.

"Oh, sorry. I…almost forgot I had company," Harry said as he turned from the pictures and went back to cleaning up the galley and washing the dishes.

"So, uh…what was that about a bar fight?" Lee asked.

"Oh, yes. Well, it was a fight outside a bar but it had started in the bar earlier."

"Well, that explains a lot," Chip said sarcastically.

"Let's just say, Cara had an ardent admirer that wouldn't take no for an answer. He and a friend were waiting for her when she left the bar. I happened to follow her out and…met her friends."

"Met them? As in…"

"I believe you would say we beat the crap out of them. Then we ran," Nelson said smiling.

"Nice introduction."

"Yes, it was…unexpected," Nelson said softly.

"So who is she? What does she do?" Lee asked quietly.

"You sound like my mother, Lee," Nelson said laughing.

"Just curious."

"Let's go back up on deck. The sun's just up and it's too beautiful a morning to spend below," he said leading the way.

When they had seated themselves in the early morning Hawaiian sun, Harry continued patiently, knowing his friends were concerned. "Cara is a marine biologist with the Puna Kula lab in Oahu. I thought I recognized her that night in the bar but couldn't place from where."

"Puna Kula? They've been to the Institute a few times," Chip said.

"Yes. I can't say I remember seeing specific proposals from them before but there are so many," Nelson said distractedly. "Anyway, she found me out when she saw the picture of the three of us below."

"And kept your secret," Lee said with a frown.

Nelson nodded. "Since then, we've…grown closer. Or I thought we had," he said sadly as he seemed to drift away, lost in his thoughts.

The silence went on for a few minutes. When Lee felt Nelson was done talking about the woman that seemed to have become very important to him, he said, "You know I didn't even think about it but we should let Starke or Park, whoever is in the office this morning know that everything is all right.

"There's the radio, Lee," Nelson said pointing to the radio mounted at the top of the companionway.

Nelson listened disinterestedly as he heard Lee contact the Institute and smiled slightly when he heard Angie's agitated voice. "Lee? Lee, are you all right? Is Chip all right? Where are you?"

"Slow down, Angie! We're all fine."

"What about the admiral? Did you find him? Is he all right?"

"I'm here, Angie and I'm fine," Nelson said, as he took the microphone from Lee. "Mostly anyway," he said wryly, rubbing his arm briefly. "I just got done feeding Lee and Chip. How…how are things there?"

"Quiet. Too quiet. You all need to come home."

"Angie, I…I don't…"

"Uh, Admiral?" Chip interrupted from his perch on the deck and looking behind him. "Youhave a visitor."

Nelson climbed to the deck quickly and stopped, staring at Cara who stood on the pier by the boat looking at him uncertainly. "I'll be back in …sometime. You two make yourselves at home," Nelson said, as he headed for Cara. He stopped quickly to grab the mic from Lee. "Angie, I have to go. But I'll be in touch."

"Good-bye, sir," she said softly.

Jumping over the side of his boat, Nelson landed lightly on the pier and stood for a moment, staring at the woman he had grown quite close to.

"I, uh…I thought maybe we could go for a walk?" Cara asked hesitantly.

Harry walked to her, took her hand in his and headed down the pier towards the beach that was just beginning to wake to the beautiful tropical morning. Sighing heavily Cara laid her head on Nelson's shoulder as they walked.

"I'm sorry for running off like that," she said quietly. "I have no excuse other than I was scared. I just…I don't know why or what happened. Maybe delayed shock or something. Suddenly I was confused."

"Confused? About what?"

"Us," she said simply. "How I feel about you. I guess I kind of forgot why you're here. That you were hiding from your friends. And your enemies. But…"

"But?"

"I guess you'll be going back now. Back to the Institute, your work," she said quietly.

"Why would you think that?"

"Harry, your friends found you. Well, you found them but…the whole "hide from them for their own good" thing doesn't work any more."

"Maybe. Maybe not. What if I did go back? The question becomes, where will you be? Here…or there?" he asked softly.

Cara stopped and pulled him around to look at her and stared at him in shock. "You asking me to move to California?"

Harry shrugged. "There's always a spot for a marine biologist of your caliber on my staff. We can take it slow. See where we go from here."

"Orrr…I stay here and continue my work," she said with a slight frown."

"But then we would be apart. Not sure I would like that," he said as he pulled her to him.

"Why?"

"You have to ask?" he asked in surprise.

"No. I guess I know why," she said as she hugged him to her, laying her head on his chest. "I just…I don't know. Yesterday everything was just you and me and now…"

"Yeah. I know."

They stayed that way for a few moments, not caring that they were being watched by the beach goers and in, all likelihood, Lee and Chip.

After a few minutes, Cara pulled away reluctantly. "Look, I need to go. I…have work today and you need to talk to your friends and figure out what you're going to do."

"You too. Will I see you tonight?" he asked, not willing to let her go just yet.

She looked away, towards the marina then back. "Sure. How about dinner at my place? You can bring your friends."

"Do I have to?" he asked mischievously.

"Your call," she said with a smile and a quick kiss.

Cara walked towards the marina and her car but turned back to watch as Harry settled himself on the warm, white sand, his arms wrapped about his legs staring out at the turquoise blue sea beyond. She smiled as she saw the pose was a familiar one to her as she too found the sea calmed her and helped her to think clearly. With a sad smile she turned and walked on, slowing as she saw Harry's friends on the boat staring at her with wary expressions. They didn't want her to hurt him. Neither did she.

"You should go talk to him," she said softly as she stopped by the boat. "Convince him to go back. He belongs at the Institute. He belongs with _Seaview_. He belongs with you. He doesn't…" Cara's voice broke and she looked away. "He doesn't belong here. As much as I may want it, he doesn't."

Lee and Chip watched as Cara slowly made her way up the pier and out of sight, then walked down to the beach and their friend who seemed to, once again, have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Harry felt the two men settle themselves by his side and smiled at the familiarity of it.

"You all right?" Lee asked quietly as he stared out at the ocean lapping gently on the beach.

There was a long silence as Harry tried to figure out how to answer. He hadn't gone away to find love, but he had. At least it felt that way. He hadn't gone away to hurt his friends, but he had. It had seemed so clear to him. Now nothing was clear except he didn't know what to do, where to go and he was speechless. A brief shake of his head and a slight shrug was the only answer he could give.

"So, what now, Admiral?" Chip asked, unable to bear the silence. "Do we win this round of hide and seek? Do we cover our eyes and let you go off and hide again?"

Despite himself, Nelson laughed and glanced at Chip who refused to meet his stern eyes.

"Do you think that's what this was, Chip? A game?"

"No sir. It's just…you have to see you were wrong. I mean… the three of us together are far stronger than we are separate. The three of us together are unbeatable," he said firmly, turning his eyes to Nelson's.

Nelson sighed and rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. "Hell, I don't know anything any more," he grumped as he laid his chin on his knees and stared out to sea once more.

"Cara loves you, you know," Lee said quietly after a few moments as he watched Nelson. They had been friends for a long time and Lee hurt to see the turmoil he was in and longed to help in some way.

"I know," Nelson said simply. "But sometimes, love's not enough. Sometimes, despite everything, it just isn't enough," he said quietly, remembering how Maria had been taken from him even though he'd loved her with his whole heart.

Lee and Chip had no answer for the questions and confusion in their friend and simply sat by his side, watching the antics of the children who had come to the wide stretch of beach in search of fun, their shrieks piercing the air.

"Well, it's getting a bit warm," Harry said as he rose and put a hand out to Lee and Chip, pulling them easily to their feet. "I'm exhausted. I think a nap is in order."

"Did you reach Starke?" Harry asked as the three walked slowly back to the marina.

"Yeah. I told him what had happened. He was furious. Said he was going to wring the neck of whoever passed the information on from this supposed agent."

"Hmmm…you know it would seem to be obvious there's a mole in ONI. Information doesn't just get passed on without someone verifying it," Nelson said angrily as he thought of what had almost happened to his friends.

"It does seem likely," Chip said. "But why? Who would want Lee or I? You I can see."

"I don't know," Nelson said. Was it all a ruse to bring him out hiding?

As if knowing Nelson's thoughts, Lee said, "Could have been a trick to bring you out of hiding. A lot of people have been asking where you are and when you're coming back. They aren't satisfied with the party line that you're on an extended vacation."

"Vacation?" Nelson echoed.

"Well, yeah. I wasn't going to let people think you'd… just left."

"I didn't "just leave". I had everything planned for."

"Everything except the way your leaving left a hole in the Institute and _Seaview_," Lee continued. "The crew…well they…"

"They what?" Nelson asked stopping and pulling Lee around. "They're all right, aren't they?"

"Physically, yes. But…the missions we've been on since you left…"

"Lee, spit it out!" Nelson bellowed when Lee hesitated.

"It's not the same, sir. Park is a good man but he's not you. The men don't respond to him the way they do to you. They don't respect him the way they do you. They don't admire him the way they do you. We've even had a few men leave. They've been replaced of course, but it's like…like…"

"Like what made _Seaview_ run smoothly, what made being on board enjoyable, was gone," Chip finished for Lee.

Nelson looked from Lee to Chip, feeling as if a part of his heart was being torn out. He hadn't meant to hurt people. He hadn't meant for things to change so much. But apparently they had. Apparently removing himself from the equation had cost more than he had thought. Turning, Nelson began to walk back to the boat, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his head down lost in thought.

When they reached the boat, Nelson stopped and turned to his friends. "Oh, uh…we've been invited for dinner at Cara's tonight. I hope you don't have anything planned?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, I think my schedule is clear," Lee said with a laugh.

"Mine too," Chip added.

"Good," Nelson said, climbing aboard. "I suggest we try to get some sleep. I know after last night's activities, I'm pretty tired," he said as he went below, Lee and Chip following with a quick glance of concern to each other.

*** Forever and a Day


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

A few hours later, Lee came up top to find Nelson sitting on the deck staring out at the ocean beyond the small marina, his fingers absently combing through his beard.

"Thought you were tired," Lee asked.

"So did I."

"What have you been doing?" Lee asked, coming to sit on the deck by Nelson's side.

"Just thinking," Nelson said quietly with a far away look in his eyes, the kind of look Lee knew meant the admiral was planning something.

"Uh oh. Last time you got that look in your eyes you were making your escape plan."

"Escape plan?" Nelson said, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"That's what it was, wasn't it? Question now is, what are you going to do?"

Silence greeted his question and Lee knew that either Nelson had no idea what he was going to do or he _did_ know and had no plans to fill Lee in on them.

"You know, I never started this to hurt people," Nelson said so quietly, Lee had trouble hearing. "Or to change the dynamics of the Institute or _Seaview_. I did it because of the faces."

"Faces?" Lee asked, almost afraid Nelson would remember he wasn't alone and shut up again.

"The faces," he repeated as he turned his eyes to Lee's. "Yours in particular. Right before I lost consciousness after Malek's attack, I looked into your eyes and saw you staring at me with a blank look and I was sure you were dead. And when I was in the Med Bay, I heard Chip's voice and Angie's and Sharkey's and Jamie's, but not yours. And I knew. I knew you were dead and it was because of me."

"Admiral, no! It wasn't…"

"Listen to me for a minute! It's what I felt," he said with anguish in his voice. He tore his eyes from Lee's, stood abruptly and paced a few steps away as if to put distance between them.

"I saw so many faces. Maria's…people who had died because of an order I gave or an action I didn't take or while protecting me. God, there were so many," he said as he lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut as if he could blot them from his memory.

"And now?" Lee asked when Nelson remained silent.

He looked up then turned away. "They're still there. But…it's different now."

Lee rose and walked to his friend's side, aching to help. "Different? How?"

"I don't know how to explain it to you. It's like…a wound that hurts when it's new. It heals, scars over and in time it hurts less and less. A good friend told me I needed to balance the faces of those that died because of me against the faces of those that lived because of me."

"Sounds like a wise man."

Nelson gave a short bark of laughter. "Yes. Yes he is."

"So how do the scales weigh out?" Lee asked after a moment's silence.

Nelson sighed heavily and turned to his friend. "You know the answer to that," he said placing a hand on Lee's shoulder and squeezing.

"So, does this mean you're coming back to where you belong and we can get things back to normal?" asked a voice from behind them.

Nelson and Crane turned to see Chip leaning against the companionway.

Nelson looked from Chip to Lee.

"When do you two have to be back in Santa Barbara?" he asked, ignoring Chip's question.

"Uh, this is Wednesday?" Lee said thinking out loud. "We just got back from that mapping mission on Monday. So the next thing on the agenda was the mission for the National Science Foundation and that leaves next Wednesday or Thursday. Why?"

"No reason," Harry said with a slight smile. "What do you say the three of us take _The Icarus_ out for a few hours? We'll be back in plenty of time to get to dinner with Cara. Maybe even get you two something more appropriate to wear." He laughed as he saw them look down at the clothes they had borrowed from Jerry.

"Sounds great!" Lee said.

"I'll cast off!" Chip said quickly as he hopped to the pier and released the lines before Harry had a chance to change his mind.

The three spent a few hours sailing off the coast, enjoying the fact they were together again and reveling in the feel of the tropical breeze in their faces. Harry sailed along the coast as far as Koko Head and Hanauma Bay before sailing leisurely back down to the marina.

As they drew closer to the marina, they sensed a change in their boss. The carefree attitude of the afternoon seemed to have been replaced by one of uncertainty and hesitancy.

Harry moored the boat quickly and efficiently and tied her down. The rest of the afternoon was spent trolling the shops of the International Market for clothing for Chip and Lee to replace Jerry's hand me downs.

At 1800 hours exactly, the three men, all freshly showered, arrived at Cara's door.

"Well, you decided to bring your friends after all!" Cara exclaimed, causing Lee and Chip to turn to the admiral who had a slight smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye. "Had to. Didn't want to risk leaving them alone. They get into all kinds of trouble when I'm not around," he said as he kissed her quickly.

"Well, I didn't plan much. Work went long so I'm afraid I didn't cook. I ended up picking up some food from Ohana's," she said to Harry with a gleam in her eye.

"Kalua Pork?' he asked with raised eyebrows and a hopeful look on his face.

"Of course! What else would I feed you? Poke?" she said laughing.

"Been there, done that," he said lightly.

"And did you or did you not enjoy it?" she asked teasing.

"Oh, I enjoyed it to a degree but it was more who I was sharing it with than the actual…uh…food," he said with a smile.

Lee and Chip exchanged amused expressions with each other. It was rare to see the admiral behaving in such a lighthearted way.

"What's wrong with poke, sir?" Chip asked. "It's good!"

"Perhaps, Chip but I never really enjoyed raw fish."

"Unexpected things, Harry," Cara said as she patted his cheek and with a smile, disappeared into the kitchen.

"Sit, gentlemen," Harry said gesturing to the dining room table as he followed her into the kitchen and returned with bowls and platters of food that they set quickly on the table.

The four spent the evening eating and getting acquainted with each other. Cara insisted, to Harry's dismay, on telling stories she remembered her father telling her of the young Ensign Nelson.

"Cocky huh? I can see that," Lee said with a huge grin. "I bet he had his hands full trying to keep you alive."

"Perhaps. Rather like I did with you when we first served together," he said with a laugh.

"Me!"

"You had this irritating habit of running into danger and expecting everything to be all right."

"Sounds like someone else I know now," Chip muttered as he took a quick sip of his drink.

"Oh? Who Mr. Morton?" Nelson asked leaning closer.

"Uh, Chief Sharkey?" he laughed.

The evening wore on until Nelson realized it had grown late. "We should probably head back to the boat. You have work tomorrow?"

At Cara's brief nod, the three rose, intending to leave. Cara put a hand on Nelson's arm. "Could you stay for a few minutes? I…we need to talk," she said quietly, uncertainty on her face.

"Of course," he said staring at her for a moment. "Lee, Chip you know the way back?"

At their brief nods they thanked Cara for the dinner and left.

"I wanted to ask if you've decided what you're going to do," she said as she drew Harry to the couch and sat down.

He settled himself beside her and stared at her for a few minutes trying to form his thoughts.

"I…I guess I have," he said dropping his eyes from hers.

"And?" she asked, knowing the answer already.

"I have to go back, Cara. As much as I would love to stay here and be with you, get to know you better, things aren't the way I thought they would be back home."

"You thought you could take yourself out of the picture and nothing would change?"

"Something like that. I guess I was being selfish just as a friend of mine said. I wasn't thinking as clearly as I should have been perhaps," he said taking her hand in his. "But I want you to know, I wouldn't change the past few months for anything."

"So maybe you learned you don't have to be the only one that makes decisions and that the Institute can survive if you aren't there?" she asked with a smile.

"Perhaps," he answered with a smile. "The reasons I left are still valid though. People will continue to put their lives at risk to protect me. And some will die," he said sadly as he closed his eyes, trying to blot the faces away.

He felt a soft hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes, gazing into her soft blue ones. "That's their decision, isn't it?"

Nelson stared at her for a moment before nodding slightly. "But it's not that easy. And it never will be for me. Now the question is, what about us?" he asked quietly as he held her hand tightly in his.

Cara sighed heavily and laid her head on Harry's shoulder. "I can't move to California, Harry. At least not right now. Too many of the scientists and support people have abandoned Puna Kula, and Dr. Ishikawa. I won't be another nail in his, or the lab's, coffin."

"I thought as much," he said sadly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "However, I looked over some of Dr. Ishikawa's research proposals that you gave me and I think it would be a perfect fit for NIMR sponsorship. I have a meeting set up with him tomorrow morning to discuss whether he would welcome a joint venture in studying your dying coral."

Cara pulled away and stared at him in shock. "You want to ask him…when did you plan this?"

"I called him earlier today. Told him I was in the Islands, had met you and had seen a few of the coral beds that were dying off."

Cara rose from the couch and paced away from him. "Harry, this is…generous but…"

"But what?" he asked as he rose and walked to her.

"If we weren't…involved…would you still offer the sponsorship?" she asked in a quiet voice as she stared out the window before her to the street below.

Nelson frowned as he knew what she was really asking. "Cara, I've seen the proposal you were going to present to me at Long Beach. If I had seen it then, if I had made it to the conference, I would have been just as intrigued as I am now. The only other coral beds like yours I've seen are off Australia and New Zealand. If it's the same trigger in your coral as in the others, Hawaii is closer and easier to get to. If we can find out what's causing it, we can halt it and hopefully find a way to reverse it."

"That would be wonderful!" she said in excitement, turning to him. "To have a definitive answer and possible solution would be exciting!"

"But again," he said softly. "You would be here and I would be in California."

"Or sailing the oceans in your submarine," she said with a knowing smile.

"Yes, or sailing in my submarine," he said with a longing look in his eye.

"Well, I've heard they have these things called airplanes that fly over the ocean from Hawaii to California. And it's not that long of a flight," she teased. "Better yet, I hear the head of NIMR has a Flying Sub that can make short work of the distance," she said as she pulled him close.

Nelson cupped her cheek gently and smiled into her eyes. "I've heard that, also," he murmured as he leaned down and kissed her tenderly.

After a few moments wrapped in each others arms, she pulled away.

"So, how early is this meeting with Dr. Ishikawa?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

"Not that early," he whispered as he pulled her close again.

"That's good," she said as she drew his head down for a long lingering kiss. "That's real good."

~O~

Bright tropical sun streamed through the porthole nearest Lee Crane's head and he groaned as the light seemed to burrow through his closed eye lids. He tried to open them again and cursed silently as he tried to remember where he was. Hearing soft snores coming from across from him, Lee peeked through half-closed eyelids and saw Chip sound asleep with a pillow over his head and he remembered where he was. He and Chip and the admiral were together again. And safe.

With that thought in his head, he looked about the cabin and noticed he and Chip were the only occupants and he smiled. Just about to go back to sleep, he heard a thump on the deck above and the rustle of paper. Intrigued, he rose and stumbled up the companionway to the deck where even brighter sunshine met him.

"Morning, Lee," came a voice off to his right. Opening his eyes, he saw the admiral, his eyes shaded by sunglasses, sitting in a chair with a paper cup of coffee in one hand and something wrapped in paper in the other.

"There's coffee and breakfast behind you," he said as he took a bite of whatever was in his hand.

"What is that you're eating?" Lee said as he tore the lid off the coffee cup and took a healthy swallow, almost groaning in pleasure as the hot Kona brew hit his tongue.

"This? It's called Spam musabi."

"Ah, and what is Spam musabi?"

"Delicious," Harry said as he took another bite. "Actually, it's Spam on pressed rice wrapped in seaweed. Quite good. There's more in the bag by the coffee."

Lee looked uncertainly at the bag but when his stomach growled he took one, peeled the paper back and took a tentative bit.

"Hmmm…it's good," Lee said taking a bigger bite.

"Thought you would enjoy it," he said smiling as Lee settled himself near him, gazing out at the Pacific Ocean beyond.

"You been up long?" Lee asked curiously, watching his friend closely.

"A few hours I suppose. I have things to do today."

"Oh? What things?" Lee asked, suddenly concerned that the admiral had made plans he wasn't going to like.

Nelson glanced at Lee when he heard the tenseness in his words. "Easy, Lee. I just have a meeting with a Dr. Ishikawa at the Puna Kula lab in a few hours. I have a proposal for him."

"That's the lab Cara works at, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"What kind of proposal?"

"Sponsoring some research on dying coral. They've been to NIMR in the past but for some reason I never saw their proposals. Cara was actually at the conference in Long Beach when we…when Malek…attacked."

"You think they're a good fit?"

"Do you remember the coral beds I showed you over a year ago off Australia? How it was dying but not by what we perceived as the usual causes?"

"Sure. I thought it was considered a local anomaly though."

Nelson saw the intrigued look come over Lee's face and he smiled as he recognized the look. "That's what I thought. Cara took me to a reef that was displaying the same characteristics—bleaching but not from apparent causes. When I did an analysis on samples, I found the same things that had been found in Australia and New Zealand. No evidence of disease or external causation yet it was still dying."

"You had a theory about that. What was it? Something cell death?"

Nelson smiled, proud that Lee had remembered. "Programmed Cell Death."

"That's it!" Lee said leaning forward. "So it's the same here?"

"Seems to be."

"So it's not a localized occurrence."

"It would appear not. If I had seen Dr. Ishikawa's research proposal I would have jumped at the request," Nelson said, perplexed that he hadn't seen it.

"A lot of proposals come to NIMR, sir. You can't see them all," a voice behind them said.

Lee and Harry turned to see Chip standing in the companionway, blinking in the bright sun. "Someone has to filter them. Whoever did the filtering didn't think it was important I guess," he said as he headed for the smell of coffee and food. He took the cup and a wrapped musabi and sat down on the deck, tearing into the breakfast and devouring it quickly.

"What?" he asked, his mouth full of food as he saw the two men watching him with bemused expressions.

"I had forgotten how voracious your appetite was, Chip. I hope I bought enough." Smiling, Nelson rose from his seat and stretched. "Well, I need to get ready for this meeting," he said as he disappeared below.

"Meeting?" Chip asked, his mouth still full of food.

Lee smiled and filled him in on the admiral's proposal.

"Sounds like a good fit for NIMR," Chip said sipping his coffee and staring out at the beach and beach goers beyond the marina with an interested look.

A short time later, Harry appeared on deck freshly showered, his hair neatly combed, his beard trimmed and dressed in a sedate aloha shirt and khakis. "You two are welcome to come to the meeting if you like. Or you can enjoy that lovely beach out there," Harry said smiling as he saw his friends staring longingly at the ocean waves.

Since the two hadn't taken the time to pack, they had pretty much been left with the clothes on their backs or the borrowed clothes from Jerry until they had gone on a modest shopping trip. Harry knew both men had purchased swim trunks and knew by the looks in their eyes they were dying to head out to the beach.

"Uh…you're coming back, aren't you?" Lee asked suspiciously as he gazed at Nelson with a hard look. "No running off again?"

"I'll be back, Lee," Harry said solemnly. "And when I get back, we'll talk about the future. All right? So go enjoy the waves. You'll find towels below."

Big smiles engulfed the men's faces and Harry had to suppress a smile as they raced below to get dressed. How he had missed his friends, his Institute, his _Seaview_. What the future held he didn't know, but he knew he had to stop running from it. And when he got back, he would tell them that.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

A few hours later, Harry was just finishing up his meeting with Dr. Ishikawa, happy they had agreed easily on an arrangement for the sponsorship that would benefit both Puna Kula and NIMR.

"Well, Dr. Ishikawa, it's been a pleasure," Harry said as he shook the scientist's hand. "I don't know why your proposals never crossed my desk in the past but I'm glad I got the chance to see what Puna Kula is all about. I'm excited to get started on the research."

"As am I, Admiral. I can't tell you what your sponsorship is going to do for morale around here!"

"I'm glad. And I'll be in touch with you about some of these other proposals," he said lifting a folder filled with other applications.

"Splendid! Thank you for taking the time from your vacation to come by! It was quite unexpected!"

"Well, your Dr. Myers was very persuasive. Once I saw the coral beds, I was hooked."

"Yes, she is quite an asset to the lab. I hope I don't lose her any time soon," he said seriously.

"Yes, well, I'll be in touch," he said again as he headed out the office door and down the hall to where he knew Cara's office was. Knocking lightly, he was surprised when the door opened quickly.

"There you are! I've been wondering what's been taking you so long!" she said as she pulled him into the office.

"Plans, my dear. Dr. Ishikawa and I were making plans. And he gave me several other ideas and proposals to look over," he said with a smile.

"Really? Any of interest?"

"I haven't had the chance to look at them yet! Give me a little time!" he laughed.

"If you insist. So have you talked to Lee and Chip yet?" she asked as she seated herself behind her desk.

"No. Not yet," he said as he paced about her office, remembering with a smile the picnic the two of them had had on the floor. "When I get back I will."

"How long yet?" she asked in a small voice.

Nelson turned at the sadness in her voice and saw her staring at the desk.

Sighing, he dropped heavily into a chair beside her and leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. "Soon. They have to be back for a National Science Foundation mission by the middle of next week."

"Will you be going along?"

Nelson looked down and ran a hand over the side of his head. "It's an intriguing mission," he said softly. "One I was quite excited about when the proposal came my way before I left."

Cara was silent for a time as she watched Nelson, knowing he was torn by indecision. She reached over and clasped a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Then you have to go."

Nelson looked up and smiled as he saw her trying hard to mean what she said. "But I have _The Icarus_ to think about. I can't get back to Santa Barbara in time for sailing if I sail her back."

"You…you could…leave her at my dad's. I'm sure he would be fine with your leaving your boat at his dock. If you wanted to get back to go when _Seaview_ sails, that is."

He lowered his head again and nodded. "I…I should go. I know I've left things go, asked people to rearrange their lives to…" He got up abruptly and walked to the window that overlooked the small harbor the lab was situated on. The bright Hawaiian sun sparkled on the cobalt blue sea and the palm trees lining the little cove danced in the gentle trade winds. He felt her come up behind him and lay her head on his back, her arms wrapped about him.

"It's all right, Harry. It's not forever."

"It's going to feel like it though," he said quietly.

~O~

Harry left Cara's office and walked slowly to his car. Cara had called her father and as she expected had no problem with Harry leaving his sailboat in his little harbor for an extended period. He had no idea what was going to happen when he returned but he suspected he would find himself quite busy smoothing ruffled feathers and settling back into a routine.

Pulling his little rental into a spot, he got out and headed for his boat and the conversation he knew he needed to have with Lee and Chip. A smile stole over his face as he remembered Lee and Chip heading out to the beach earlier with the wild abandon of youth and wondered if they had returned yet.

Walking down the long pier to his mooring spot, he smiled as he saw them lounging on the deck, a pitcher of something on the deck beside them.

"Well, looks like you two have made yourselves at home!" he boomed as he jumped aboard.

"You did tell us to make ourselves at home, sir. And we always do what you tell us," Lee said smugly, saluting the admiral with a salt encrusted glass. Reaching beside him he grabbed an empty glass, filled it with margarita mix and handed it to Nelson who accepted it and sat by his friends, enjoying for the moment the camaraderie.

"It's a little early, isn't it, Lee," Harry said glancing at his watch.

"Back home it's dinner time, sir. Let's just pretend we're back home."

"So how did the meeting go?" Chip asked after a few sips of the heavenly drink.

"Quite well! We came to an agreement on the terms of the sponsorship and he gave me a few more proposals to look over. It's going to be a good thing for both NIMR and Puna Kula."

Noting the excitement in Nelson's voice and the smile on his lips, Lee and Chip glanced at each other and grinned.

"So, where do you go now?" Lee asked quietly after a few moments of silence passed. "Are you staying here, coming back where you belong or sailing off in the dead of night again?"

For a time Nelson was silent as he studied the contents of his glass. "You know, a very good, wise friend of mine told me in no uncertain terms that he thought I was a fool for leaving," he said looking up at Lee with a twinkle in his eye. "And, although I think the word fool is a bit strong, he was right, as was another friend that told me I was being selfish."

Nelson rose from his seat and paced a few steps away, staring out at his beloved ocean and was silent for a time. Lee and Chip waited patiently, knowing Nelson was trying hard to make them understand what he had gone through.

After a moment he turned from his perusal and frowned. "I couldn't make you or anyone else understand the pain I was in or the guilt I felt explode within me when I thought of the waste of good men…people…and the pain their deaths caused others." He paced slowly back to Lee and Chip and seated himself again, his head lowered. "But, by running away—escaping if you will—I'm not doing anyone any good. They're still gone and I—for whatever reason—am still here and alive. And as was shown to me recently, bad things can still happen to you two, or others, because of your relationship to me, even if I'm not around."

"Sooooo?" Lee asked when Nelson didn't continue.

"So," Nelson said looking up with an innocent look in his eye, "When do we head home?"

Whoops and shouts of joy met Nelson's words and he smiled as his two friends jumped to their feet and clapped him soundly on the back. He could only shake his head at their boisterous celebration.

"How's tomorrow?" Lee asked in joy.

"Well, that may be a little soon," he said, frowning as he knew it meant an end to his time with Cara. "I've made plans with Cara's father to moor _The Icarus_ at his place for now."

"For now?" Lee asked.

"I plan on making frequent trips to the Islands in the near future," he said with a smirk. "So, we can fly back on the Flying Sub, say on Monday?"

"Great!" Chip exclaimed. "That gives us the weekend yet and more time for some surfing!"

Nelson laughed at Chip's exclamation. "Go! Enjoy! I have a few things to take care of before we head home," he said as he disappeared below.

~O~

"So this Chou that was my supposed contact was really Kenny Tang?" Harry asked in shock, naming an agent he was very familiar with, and one he trusted implicitly, when he contacted Jiggs at the Institute later that afternoon.

"Yep. But he wasn't the only mole we discovered in ONI. After a little…persuasion…he fingered two other agents working for the Red Chinese. So if you hadn't gone off on your little vacation we wouldn't have discovered this whole mess."

"I don't understand _why_ though. What did they think they would gain by kidnapping Lee and Chip? If a Chinese operative had recognized me on the island, what prevented them from just kidnapping me here?"

"They didn't know you were on Oahu. Tang said no one seemed to know where you were which made the Chinese and various other enemy states rather suspicious and concerned. There were some that didn't believe what we were telling people about your…lack of visibility and concocted this plan to flush you out."

"Seems a rather harebrained scheme if you ask me. And why meet in Hawaii? It's just too much of a coincidence."

"No idea. Hawaii's proximity to China? It does seem to be only a coincidence from what we've found out. The Chinese thought by kidnapping Lee and Chip, luring them to Hawaii, word would filter to you from wherever you really were, you would make contact with Chou…I mean Tang…and you would barge in and try to rescue them if you were able. Only thing was, they didn't know you were already on Oahu! They had plans to keep your star officers on the trawler for a time until you made contact with Tang and showed up or you were spotted."

"And what if I hadn't shown up?"

"Tang said they would…uh, try to convince Lee and Chip to tell them where you were and what you were doing."

"You mean they would be tortured," Harry said in a hard voice.

"Most likely. I think when you dropped out of sight, there was speculation from some of our enemies that you were involved in some big top secret research project that they would be very interested in. If you contacted Tang…and only Tang…as he repeatedly said for you to do…he would have directed you to a meet on Oahu where you would have been nabbed just as Crane and Morton were. They would have had all three of you then."

"So my being here already and spotting them first messed up their timing, huh?" Harry said quietly.

"Something like that."

"Well thank God for that storm," Harry whispered.

"Yeah. Thank God for that storm. So when are you coming home? And don't tell me you aren't!" Starke said brusquely.

Nelson was quiet for a bit, enjoying making Jiggs squirm a bit.

"Harriman! You there?"

"I'm here, Jiggs. I just don't know how to say this."

"Say what?" he asked, his voice tinged with apprehension.

Harry sighed heavily. "Say that I hope you, Roy and Lucius aren't too comfortable taking my place at NIMR."

"So you _are_ coming back?" Jiggs bellowed.

"Yes, Jiggs," Harry said laughing quietly. "Sometime Monday probably."

"Ah, Roy, Lucius and I knew you would be back sooner or later. We were just keeping your seat warm you old sea dog." After a moment of silence, Jiggs said quietly, "I uh…heard some rumors about you having met someone. Any truth to that?" his friend asked quietly, concern in his voice.

Nelson was quiet for a time as he stared at the picture of Cara and him at the luau. "Yes, Jiggs. The rumors, for once, are true."

"And…"

"And what? I'll be home on Monday. Cara—Dr. Myers will be staying here. For now," he finished with a crooked smile.

"You all right with that, Harriman?"

"No. Not really," he said after a long silence. "But it's the way it is. Her work is here. Mine is in Santa Barbara. So getting back to what I called for, how about we plan a meeting for sometime Monday afternoon, say 1400 hours? Just you, me, Lee, Chip, Roy and Lucius. Don't tell anyone else I'm coming back, not even Angie. I'd like to slip in as quietly as I can before people know I'm back."

"Once people find out you're back, you may have some waters to smooth over. That secretary of yours in particular needs soothing."

"Are you saying my Assistant Director is displeased with me?" Nelson asked laughing.

"Oh, displeased is a tame word, Harriman and you know it. You have some fences to mend when you get back."

"Yeah, I know, Jiggs. You and I are all right though, right?"

"Yes, my friend. We're all right. I never said I didn't understand. Just didn't like you putting yourself out there alone."

"I know. It may not have been a good idea but I learned a lot and met some very interesting people along the way. Anyway, I'll smooth things over with Angie. Maybe bring her something from Hawaii."

"Unless it's a hunky Hawaiian surfer I think you may still be in trouble."

"Ha! Well, I'll have to throw myself on her mercy then. By the way…could you arrange for Edith to fly in on Monday?"

"Without telling her why?"

"Yes. Without telling her why."

"I will but she's going to be very suspicious."

"As long as she doesn't have any idea why she's coming. I'd…I'd like to surprise her."

"I will do my best. No guarantees though. She's as stubborn as you are. She may insist on knowing why."

"Well, make something up. Thanks, Jiggs. I'll talk to you before we leave on Monday."

"You do that. Let me know when you're close and I'll arrange for a diversion so you can slip into the Institute quietly."

"I will. And Jiggs…"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome, my friend. Be safe."

Harry ended the call and leaned back in the chair. What was going to happen when he got home, he didn't know. Nor did he know what was going to happen between him and Cara. There were a lot of miles between Santa Barbara and Oahu.

Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was almost time for Cara to get off work. With a smile, he began to plan the last few days they would have together for awhile.

~O~

The next two days flew by way too fast for Harry. He and Cara spent all day Saturday and part of Sunday sailing off the coast, just the two of them: ample picnic supplies, several bags of pretzels and a few bottles of wine stowed away for the trip. Lee and Chip hadn't seemed to mind being left behind, especially when Harry gave them the loan of his rental car and Cara the use of her apartment.

Sunday evening found them at Jerry's for a last night dinner, arranged by Harry's former superior officer. A little leery of what stories Jerry might tell his friends, and he knew there were several he felt sure his friends would love to hear about Ensign Nelson, Harry was a bit apprehensive about the dinner and would have preferred it to have just been Jerry, Cara and himself but felt there was no nice way to uninvite Lee and Chip. Unfortunately. But the stories Jerry chose to share with his friends were innocuous and he found himself enjoying the evening: his past meshing with his present…and possibly his future…quite well.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

**_Final chapter! Just wanted to say thank you to all who have hung in there through this long story. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much to all who have left reviews or sent PMs. I truly appreciate each and every one. To the guest reviewers, I'm sorry I couldn't respond to your reviews but I thank you nonetheless. Thanks also to my beta! I appreciate your reading it through and showing me my errors. Enjoy the last chapter!_**

Monday morning dawned gray and misty echoing the sentiments of two of the people gathered on the dock**, **the Flying Sub bobbing gently in the gentle waves that lapped against her hull**.**

"We'll stow our gear and yours onboard awhile, Admiral," Lee said as he and Chip gathered up the duffel bags of notebooks, clothes, books and other things Nelson had chosen to bring back with him.

"Thanks, Lee."

"Take your time," Lee said softly as he passed by his friend who was staring at Cara intently.

"I…I guess this is it," she said when Lee and Chip had disappeared aboard, her voice breaking slightly.

"I guess it is," Harry agreed. "But…you'll be in Santa Barbara in only three weeks for a visit."

"Only three weeks," she said looking up at him with a small smile. "Sounds…long."

"I know. You could always move there," he said with a devilish smile.

"You know I can't do that. Not yet at least. I mean…maybe sometime, but right now Dr. Ishikawa needs me here and then there's my dad, my family. I don't know how…"

Harry cupped Cara's face in his hands and kissed her gently, smiling as he heard her soft sigh.

"I do like how you shut me up," she said leaning into him.

"I like it, too," he said roughly as he pulled her close, her head resting on his chest.

She could feel his heart beating against her cheek and she closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his strong arms about her. How had this man come to mean so much to her in the short time they had been together? She had no answer to that, she only knew that he _was_ important to her and the three weeks stretching out before her seemed endless.

"If I want to be back in time for that meeting I have set up, we should go," he said reluctantly, glancing quickly at the sub.

She pulled back slightly and gazed up at him. They'd said their good-byes last night in the quiet of her apartment but it didn't seem to be enough.

"I wouldn't want you to be late. Well, I would but it wouldn't be a good idea to keep your people waiting. Or Lee and Chip. And you have so much to do back at the Institute and…"

His mouth descended on hers for a long, deep kiss as he drew her closer to him. "I am going to miss shutting you up," he whispered huskily after a few minutes.

"Me too. Me too," she said softly her voice catching as she reluctantly pulled from his embrace. "But, you have to go and I have to get to work. Start earning my money from NIMR."

Nelson stared at her a moment longer and ran a finger down her cheek to her lips then leaned in and kissed her quickly. "See you in three weeks. Don't be late," he said quietly.

"I won't. Believe me I won't."

Nodding, Nelson turned and walked away from Cara to the sub. Turning back, he gazed at her once more and waved briefly. He entered the sub, closed and dogged the hatch and turned to his friends standing waiting for him.

"I thought you might like to pilot her back yourself, Admiral," Lee said as he searched Nelson's face for some clue as to what he was feeling.

"Oh, thank you, Lee but I think I'll let you do the driving. I have some papers to go over, notes to make for the meeting," he said shortly as he seated himself in one of the rear seats, refusing to allow his emotions to show.

"Very well," Lee said with a quick glance to Chip who seated himself in the co-pilot's seat.

The Flying Sub was given clearance to take off and she rose into the air smoothly. Smiling, Lee circled back over the area he knew Cara was still standing at and banked the sub, allowing Nelson a clear view of the woman standing and waving to him.

"Thank you, Lee," he said in a hushed voice.

"You're welcome, sir," he answered with a small smile.

~O~

The flight back to Santa Barbara was uneventful and when they were a hundred miles out, Lee notified Starke they were close, wondering what diversion Starke had dreamed up to allow the admiral to slip in unnoticed. Although, with the long hair and full beard, he wasn't sure anyone would at first glance recognize him. He did not look like the uniformed, clean-shaven, fastidious admiral most people knew. And that had been Nelson's intent.

"We're ready for landing, Admiral," Lee said as they passed over the Institute. He glanced behind him and saw the rapt gaze the admiral had when Lee circled the Institute grounds before landing.

"I…I've missed this so much," he said in such a quiet voice, the men in the front had trouble hearing.

"The feeling has been mutual, Admiral," Chip said without looking back.

Lee powered the sub down, released his seatbelt and turned, surprised to find the admiral was still belted in.

"Sir? Is there a problem?" he asked in concern.

"No, Lee. No problem. I just feel…nervous. Strange," he said with a short laugh as he looked up at him with a crooked smile. Shaking his head he unclipped his seatbelt and stood.

"It's understandable, Admiral," Lee said placing a hand on Nelson's shoulder and squeezing.

"It is?"

"Of course! Facing the men is going to be nothing compared to what's waiting for you in your office," he said with a huge grin.

"Mmmm…you mean Angie. Yes. Starke warned me I had a lot of fences to mend. Well, best start now," he said as he stepped off the sub and onto dry land.

The three officers walked quickly to where Lee had parked his car slightly over a week ago. Nelson smiled as he saw the crooked park job Lee had done, knowing the two had thought he was in trouble and were racing to his aid. It filled Nelson with a sense of unworthiness as he contemplated the two men and their unfailing loyalty.

The ride was accomplished quickly and the three made it up the stairs to Nelson's office hastily.

Standing outside the door, Nelson grabbed Lee as he was about to open the door, knowing Angie was on the other side.

"Lee, how about you two pretend I stayed behind.

"Ah, and surprise her?"

"Yes. Tell her I wouldn't come back."

"If you ask me, you're just going to make her madder," Chip said with a frown.

"Maybe," Nelson sighed. "Or maybe she'll be so glad to see me, she'll forget she's mad."

Nodding Lee and Chip entered the office. Angie looked up in surprise when the door opened and the two stepped through.

"Lee! Chip! I didn't know you two were coming back today!" she exclaimed as she looked behind them, searching for another face: one she didn't see.

"We thought we would surprise you," Lee said quietly and with a frown.

"So, he didn't come back with you? No, of course he didn't. I thought…well it doesn't matter what I thought, does it? He's still running isn't he?" she asked angrily, rising quickly from her chair and turning to look out the large window behind her desk.

"Well…"

"Uh…"

"Actually, Miss Wood, I _did_ come back," said a voice from behind her.

Angie turned, recognizing the voice but not the man dressed in blue jeans and a blue pullover that stood before her. Long, curly auburn hair and a scruffy auburn beard hid the face of the man, but she knew the voice. And the eyes. "Admiral?" she whispered, stepping towards him, peering at him closely.

"Yes, Angie. I…I'm back. And I hope you can forgive me. I know…"

He never finished what he was about to say as she walked to him quickly and hugged him to her tightly. "I was so afraid I was never going to see you again," she murmured as Nelson enfolded her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Angie. It was a foolish thing but one I don't regret."

She pulled back and looked at him closely. "You don't regret it? You don't regret the pain you put us through? You don't regret the worry we felt for you? Every time there was a news report about a typhoon or hurricane we'd worry—wonder—-if you were all right! How can you just…just…"

A deep chuckle from Nelson's office caused Angie to stop and turn. "I told you Harriman…you'd better bring her something really nice. She wasn't going to let you off very easily," Jiggs Starke said with a big smile.

"I know, Jiggs. I know," Nelson said softly. Turning back to Angie who continued to glare at him, he said, "I _do_ regret, Angie, the worry and pain I caused everyone. It was wrong. I thought it was for the best, a way to keep you all safe. I can see, now, that I was mistaken. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, you all will still be in danger simply because of your association with me."

As he dropped his eyes from hers, he was relieved to see a slight softening in hers. "What I _don't_ regret is what I found out about myself…about others. I _don't_ regret being there in time to help the Swensons to safety or getting to know them and I _don't_ regret the friends I made along the way or the people I reconnected with that I'd lost touch with over the years."

He turned away and walked slowly to his office, stopping when he stood before his old friend. "Jiggs, do I want to know what the diversion was you planned to allow us to slip in unnoticed?" he asked with a crooked smile.

"Probably not, Harriman. Let's just say, your crew may be very happy to have you back after the exercises I have them going through right now."

"Oh, Jiggs," he said shaking his head. "I hope I don't lose any more of my crew. Well, let's sit down and talk, go over some things before we meet up with Roy and Lucius."

He was just about to head into the office when he heard Angie call him. Turning, he stared at her uncertainly. "Yes, Angie?"

"Welcome home, sir," she whispered with unshed tears in her eyes. "We missed you."

Nelson swallowed hard a few times before he answered. "Thank you, Angie. I…thank you," he said quietly before turning and fleeing into what was once again, his office.

The door had barely closed before Angie turned to Lee and Chip with a speculative look in her eyes. "So…tell me all about this Dr. Myers and is he really all right?"

Lee and Chip laughed loudly. "Sit down, Angie and we'll tell you all you need to know," Lee said, knowing she was concerned about her boss.

~O~

The meetings he had with the men who had taken over for him as head of the Institute while he had been "on vacation" went well and he smiled with pleasure at the thought that he would soon be on his beloved _Seaview_ and heading out to sea for a mission very soon. The desire to be aboard and away became almost overwhelming but he knew he had things that needed taking care of before he gave in to her call and went aboard.

Walking from the conference room towards his office, Lee and Chip by his side, he paused as he heard a sorely missed voice on the other side of the door and he smiled as he listened.

"What I don't understand, Angie is why. Why was I told to come back here today? What is so urgent that it couldn't wait until tomorrow when I didn't have any meetings? Jiggs was quite insistent I be on the first flight I could get but wouldn't say why!"

"Well…I didn't call you, Edith but I think I have a pretty good idea why Admiral Starke wanted you here."

"Oh no! It…it isn't Harry, is it? Has something happened to him? Has something happened to my brother?" she asked in fear.

"Yes, Edith. Something has happened to your brother," Harry said stepping through the door and staring at his younger sister in anxiety. He knew he had hurt her, and so many others, and was unsure what her reaction was going to be. "He came to his senses."

Edith turned at his much loved voice and stared at him for a second before she recognized the face of her brother under all the hair and launched herself into his arms, knocking him back against the wall.

"Harry! Oh I can't believe you're here. And safe," she whispered into his chest as he hugged her tightly.

Harry took a few minutes to compose himself before he whispered, "I…I'm so sorry, Edie. I couldn't see another way. Forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you! I love you! Wait…you are back for good, aren't you?" she asked as she pulled back to stare into his face.

"Yes. I'm back. For good."

~O~

The next few days were filled with meetings, phone calls and more meetings as the day for the mission for the NSFapproached. Nelson discovered there was more to coming back than just slipping in and taking over what was rightfully his and he chafed at the delays as he longed to be on his creation and away. Roy and Lucius were overjoyed Harry was back, as they had suspected he would be at some point, and were glad to turn things back over to him. It was decided they would both accompany Nelson and her crew on one last mission.

The men of the _Seaview_ warmly welcomed Nelson back as if they had thought him truly gone forever and it both pleased and saddened him as he was once more shown what his departure—his escape—had cost.

Finally, all was ready for the mission, the day bright and clear. Nelson stood on the bridge and gazed at the activity surrounding him as the _Seaview_ was readied for departure. A sense of pride and excitement filled him as he watched his men make ready to cast off, their smiling faces turning towards the bridge frequently as they saw Nelson…their admiral…back where he belonged. Feeling a presence next to him, he glanced beside him, not surprised to see Lee standing by his side, a big smile on his face.

"Standing by, sir. Whenever you're ready."

Nelson was silent for a time as he stared back at the Institute in the distance. "You know, I truly thought I would never sail on her again. I watched her sail away from me and knew I would never see her…you…again and my heart broke," he said in a hushed voice as he turned back to his captain who stared back at him with bright eyes.

"But that's in the past, Admiral. It's in the past."

"Yes. Yes, it is," he whispered briefly. "Take her out, Captain."

"Aye, sir!" Crane said happily as he gave the orders to cast off and head out of the channel and on to their destination.

Nelson closed his eyes as he felt his boat respond to Lee's commands and he smiled as a sense of peace spread over him. The past was where it should be now and the future, as always an unknown, waited for him somewhere out there. The faces of the dead would always be there but they held little power over him now. The only faces that held power over him now were the faces of the people he cared about: Edith, his friends, his crew…Cara. And that was how it was meant to be.

A soft breeze caressed his cheek and he smiled as he heard a voice whisper in his ear, _"Be happy, mi amor."_

Turning to Lee who watched him closely, he smiled and slapped him gently on the shoulder. "Let's head below, Lee. I could use a cup of Cookie's coffee."

"With pleasure, Admiral. With pleasure," he said as the two friends disappeared below.

The End

_I don't presume to know much about sailing so I hope you will forgive any errors I may have made. As much as I studied it and researched it, I feel certain there were mistakes._

_As for the term Programmed Cell Death that I used in this story, it is real. Recent research has led to the realization that coral is being attacked by global warming. Although in the time frame this story is set, I doubt PCD was thought of as a possible cause of coral death, I feel certain Admiral Nelson, being the genius he was, would surely have deduced the role of global warming and PCD. _

_Thank you for reading through this longish story. I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Except for those bits that refused to come easily, I enjoyed writing it. And thank you to my beta who showed me the spots that needed work. I appreciate it._


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